


Lost

by NurturingSilence



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergent, F/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-05-31 03:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 53,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6453958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurturingSilence/pseuds/NurturingSilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Peeta wakes up in the hospital his thoughts turn to the questions that plague his mind every morning. Who was he? Where did he come from? Who were his parents? Who were his friends? It seems there was no one left that knew him. No one who could tell him who he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had just written my first ever fanfiction "For Him", when the plot for this story came into my mind. I didn't think I would be able to write it. I am not a writer and I find myself to be my worse critic. But it was the wonderful reviews I received from alberta500, lordizzy, craftydiva, and itsjustellie, plus all the kind people who left kudos, that encouraged me to try to bring this story to life. I hope I can do these wonderful characters we all love justice. Please keep in mind it will be a short multi chapter story (maybe five chapters) that I will try to update as soon as I can. Thank you all.
> 
> Disclaimer: These amazing characters do not belong to me. They were born out of the pure genius that is Suzanne Collins, who I thank everyday for giving them life.

 

Prologue

 

The sounds of the room slowly come into focus as the morphling fog he was under begins to lift. He hated taking morphling to sleep, his mind always becomes alert before the rest of his body, leaving him trapped within his thoughts. But the doctor insists it's an important part of his healing process _“allowing his brain to completely disconnect”_. Disconnect from what he wonders? He doesn't know who he is, where he came from or what happened to get him here. The only constants were the burn scars that cover his body, his nightmares and the feeling that he has lost something precious to him.

The door opens and closes softly bringing him out of his thoughts. Unable to move he can only speculate as to who it was. He lies in a ward with six other patients he knows nothing about, most of them are either in a coma or have been diagnosed as unbalanced, like himself. Needless to say, conversation has been sorely lacking in his life these last few weeks.

Dismissing the person he feels hovering by the door. His thoughts turn to the usual questions that plague his mind every morning. Who was he? Who were his parents? Who were his friends? It seemed there was no one left that knew him. He was told his family and friends all died in the bombing that destroyed his district. That's why he was fighting in the capitol, that's why he was lying in this hospital bed right now.

The door opens again and he feels another person slip into the room.

"Sweetheart you know you are not supposed to be here."A man's rough voice whispers into the silence of the room. "Pardoned or not you are still a prisoner, the hovercraft is waiting and we have to be in it."

"How can I leave him? I can't leave him." A soft musical whisper answers.

"He is gone sweetheart, he is not with us anymore." the man's voice brakes as he tries to convince the girl.

"No, he is not gone. He can't be gone. I need him." the girl desperately whispers as she breaks into quiet sobs.

"You know what the doctors said, his mind shut down after he stopped you from taking that pill. There is nothing any one can do; we have to let him go. "

"Don’t make me, please."

"If you care for him then let him have the peace he has earned. Without any of the nightmares we suffer through. Without the pain he has endured...it’s a blessing sweetheart, let him go."

The sounds of muffled sobs retreat as the door quietly closes behind them. He wonders who they were. He knows the patient next to him has been in a coma for a long time and is not expected to survive. They must have loved him. She must have loved him a lot. He can’t help but feel jealous that this man ,they came to see, has people that loved him, willing to come visit him and he has no one.

Mentally shaking these thoughts away he remembers what Doctor Aurelious told him yesterday, to recite a list of things he knew to be true _"My name is Peeta Mellark. I am eighteen years old. I come from district 12, my family is dead, my friends are all dead. There is no one left that I love; no one left that loves me._ "


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrift for over a year, Peeta finds his way to the District that was once his home. Can he find himself here? or Will he have wander Panem forever lost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is my intention to try to update once a week, but please bare with me as I find my place in the world of fanfiction.  
> Thank you all for your reviews and Kudos, they are truly appreciated.

Chapter 2

One year later

 _“Find a place where you feel at home, build a new life.”_ Doctor Aurelius’s parting words, before he left the hospital, run through Peeta’s mind, as District 12’s train station comes into view. The early morning light perfectly highlighting the small town nestled between the mountains. He had heard the reconstruction progress was slower here than the other districts. After all District 12 was destroyed in its entirety by the capitol, they had to rebuild from nothing.

With a deep breath Peeta gets up as the train comes to a screeching halt. Reaching for his bag of belongings, he admits, to himself, the good thing about not having anything, was not having to cart much around. Especially when one searches from district to district for a place to belong.

Bringing the hood of his jacket up to cover his head, he tries to hide as much of the burn scar that runs up, the left side, of his neck as he can. He steps out of the train trying to ignore the few looks coming his way. Throughout this year he had become used to the looks that scar brought him. He didn’t mind it much, in fact he didn’t think the scar was so bad, but people always seemed to look at him wherever he went. If he was honest with himself, he had grown self conscious of that scar because of the looks.

Feeling the cold biting into his skin, he gathers his jacket closer to himself, wondering if maybe he should have waited for winter to pass, before making his way here. What was he thinking coming here against his doctor’s recommendations? He knew no one here? He has nowhere to go. All he knows is that something strong kept calling him back. Something urged him to come home. Maybe this was the only way to find where he came from, find out who he was.

Well he thought first order of business, finding a place to stay. Heading for the ticket office inside the train station, he stands taking a careful layout of his surroundings. An instinct left over from his old life, Doctor Aurelious told him, he had the need to always know where his exits were located. It didn't really bother him, it didn’t interfere with his life, and he counted it as an asset, in case he ever had to protect anybody. Walking towards the man behind the window a friendly voice startles him.

“You're back!” Peeta turns as a young man not too much older than himself, maybe mid twenties, approaches him with an easy smile on his face “Am I glad you have decided to come back!”

“Thank you?” came his uncertain reply, not sure how to let this stranger know he didn’t remember him.

“What a great moment for you to return! It’s all ready and waiting for you, my boy!”The young man says pulling Peeta into a hug. “You have been missed”

Peeta accepts the hug this man gives him realizing that, besides his guardian, no one has hugged him in such a long time. Putting thoughts of Effie out of his mind he extracts himself from the young man.

“I’m sorry” he begins looking down at his feet “I suffered an injury during the war and I’m afraid I don’t remember who you are.”

“You don’t remember me?”

“I don’t remember much of anything.”Peeta looks away from the man’s eyes as their happy glow is replaced by pity.

“How much do you remember?” the man asks.

“Not much, I was told my name is Peeta Mellark and that I came from district 12.”

“I’m sorry, Peeta.” The man sadly looks at him.

“But don’t worry you are back home now and District 12 takes care of their own. You are among friends.” The man claps him on the shoulder before he steps back and extends his hand out. “My name is Thom. I used to work in the mines, but mostly I know you because I used to do odd jobs around the bakery for your parents.”

The thought that this man knew him before sends a thrill through Peeta, he knew there was a reason he had returned. He smiles as he happily accepts the handshake. “You knew my family? You knew me?”

“Yes I did Peeta. I will answer any questions you have, but first of all let’s figure out where to put you. Is that everything?”

“Yes”

“Then come with me.” Thom says walking towards the exit of the building. “How are you at baking? Do you remember anything?”

“Baking? The past three months I have been working in a bakery down in district 10, I think that I haven’t lost it. It’s all pretty much still there.” He answers as they step out into the cold again. The sounds and smells of district 12 bring Peeta to a stop. Gone was the wreckage of the old district and in its place new buildings seemed to be springing up, in different stages of construction.

“Peeta?”

At the sound of his name Peeta begins walking faster to catch up with Thom, who had already crossed the unpaved street. Afraid of losing him, he doesn’t see the figure suddenly turning the corner barreling into him, knocking him off his feet and effectively bringing both of them down onto the ground; The slight figure landing on top of him.

Quickly regaining his breath, Peeta lifts his head to look at the young woman lying on him, his eyes come into contact with the most mesmerizing gray eyes he had ever seen. Or were they silver? Did silver eyes exist? He was about to speak when suddenly the scent of trees, earth and mist surround him. She smelled like District 12, she smelled like home.

Smiling at the woman he is startled when a tear slips down her cheek, the need to comfort her suddenly over taking any other concerns.

“I’m sorry, are you hurt?” He asks her. How foolish could he be? Here he was taking his time and she was probably hurt. “Here let me help you up...” Her eyes widen and she quickly scrambles off the floor.

“I’m fine.” She murmurs as a man with her same features comes to stand next to her.

“Sweetheart?” the man says eyeing Peeta strangely as he gets up from the floor.

“Good Morning, sir... Peeta Mellark” Peeta says extending his hand out to introduce himself. A small sob, coming from the young woman, interrupts him as she suddenly walks away.

“Wait!” he says without any success.

"Let her go.” The man next to him whispers.

“But I wanted to apologize.”

“It’s not necessary.” The man says as he begins walking towards the young woman.

“Sir? Would you apologize to her for me?” The man stands there silently looking at him. His dark eyes trying to read something in Peeta, he’s afraid the man won’t be able to find. At last giving him a short nod the man walks away, leaving Peeta to watch, as he trails the young woman disappearing down the road.

“Peeta?” Thom’s voice comes next to him.

“Who were they?” Peeta asks still unable to tear his eyes away from the place he last saw them.

“Our victors.” Thom whispers. Peeta is startled when Thom turns to him and sadly says, looking directly into his eyes. “We owe so much to our victors. It’s because of them we are free today. We protect them.”

Peeta looks away from Thom, nodding. What might they have suffered Peeta wonders? He had heard about the victors, Effie had been in charge of giving him a lesson in Panem’s history. Small bits of information at a time, as instructed by his doctor, something of a constant battle between Dr. Aurelious and himself. His doctor doesn't seem to understand, how much he craves information, knowledge that might help him regain what he has lost. it's what led him to break his doctor's orders. It's what led him here.

“Come! Let’s get you settled in.”Thom instructs placing a warm hand on Peeta’s shoulder and turning him in the opposite direction both victors disappeared.

\-----

They walk in silence until they stop in front of what seems to be one of the only buildings to be completed. Thom turns to Peeta proudly. “So, what do you think?”

Peeta turns to the building wondering what Thom expects from him. “It’s a nice building.”

“Nice? It's more than nice, my boy, this...” he says proudly padding the door frame. “This was one of the first buildings we lost to the capitol. It just seemed fitting for it to be the first one to go up again. Do you know what this means?”

Peeta shakes his head.

“This means that we can do it just like this building here. We can rebuild our district, we can rebuild our lives. This building represents the hope for our future, and my boy it’s all yours...if you want it.”

“What?” Peeta exclaims barely able to contain his surprise.

“Yes, this is the district bakery.” Thom quietly says “It was your family’s bakery and now it could be yours if you want it.”

“The bakery?” Peeta looks at the building in front of him in awe. This was what he had been searching for, a link to his past. A link to the family he can’t remember, a link to the Peeta he was before. The bakery? His bakery now if he wanted it? But could he do it? Could he run a business all on his own? He was young still, one month away from turning twenty. One side of him wants to turn around and leave, follow Dr. Aurelious’ advice and find a life somewhere else. Then again, this is why he came here, this district felt right somehow....He once had a father, a mother and two brothers. A family all gone now but hopefully not forgotten.

Then, the deeper implications behind Thom's words sink into Peeta's consciousness. One of the first buildings lost? One of the first buildings destroyed? Why not start somewhere else? Why the bakery? Was his family inside when it happened? Where they aware they were going to die? Did they suffer? Images of bodies torn apart, weapons, fire consuming them, the blonde braid of a young girl much too young to be there, flames frozen in his mind. Was he here when the bombing started? Did he see his family die?

“When...” Peeta tries to bring the words out but his breathing was becoming erratic, he had to get a hold of himself. He had to control his breathing. “When you said the bakery was one of the first buildings destroyed...was? Was my...?” dots of light begin appearing on his periphery, if he didn’t sit down he was going to lose it. Sitting on the paved sidewalk outside his family’s bakery Peeta tries to take deep breaths hoping his heart stops wildly beating.

Sitting down next to him Thom begins rubbing small circles on his back. “Peeta breathe...”

“Do you?...”He begins finally feeling his heart slowing down “Were they inside?...Do you think they?...” Peeta couldn’t bring himself to finish the question.

“No Peeta. I don’t think they suffered.” Thom answers softly patting Peeta on the back. “That night the lights went out in the district. We didn’t think anything of it. We were used to it after all. Most of us went to sleep until the bombs...” Thom stops himself, his voice breaking.

“I’m sorry” Peeta apologizes realizing how hard it must be for Thom to relive that moment.

“No, I'm sorry I didn't think before I spoke."

"Please don't check yourself before speaking to me, that's what everyone has done since I woke up in the hospital. Please tell me about my family, tell me about life before. That's what I came here for. I'm prepared to hear it."

"That, right there, is why I always liked you Peeta, always strong, never afraid to hear the truth." Thom says smiling at him."I'm sorry your family is gone, I liked your father and your brothers, they were good men. But now, we must put the past behind us and try to rebuild. Thankful that it’s all over now.”

“Is it?” Peeta questions knowing that at least for him it wasn’t over.

“Yes, Peeta. The capitol is gone and we have hope. Hope for our children, hope for our children’s children. And it is because of them, Peeta, that we must begin to heal. And your healing begins here, in your district taking over this building.”

“But I don’t have any money. I have nothing to my name.”

“You don’t need any money for now. The government wants the country to rebuild. All you would have to do is apply at the temporary government offices, over in Victor’s Village. Present your paper work and they will turn the keys over to you. Along with the funds to furnish both the bakery and the small apartment above it. They will stock it with supplies to start you off after that the rest is up to you.”

“That easy?”

“Yes that easy.” Thom smiles “Grant you it would be harder if you came from another district, since priority is given to district 12 residents wanting to provide a service. But since you are the only living descendant of the Mellark family this building belongs to you.”

“The only living relative?” Peeta whispers standing and looking at the building once again, home; it seems he was finally home.

\----

Closing the door quietly behind him and leaving the girl alone to her nightmares. Haymitch quickly makes his way down the stairs and out the door. His shoes slightly sinking into the mud, he fights the urge to reach for a bottle as he makes it into his house. Reaching for the phone, hanging on the kitchen wall, he dials the only person he knew could answer his questions. The phone stops ringing as a feminine voice answers.

“Effie?”He breathes.

“Haymitch?”

“Hello sweetheart, miss me?”

“Miss the smell of liquor? Hardly.” Her indignant answer comes through making him smile.

“I stopped, sweetheart, for them.” He says after a long pause.

“Really? How long?”

“Six incredibly long months.”

“Oh, Haymitch” Her voice softly sighs into his ear. Theirs was a complicated relationship. For years they were allies, working together to bring back at least one victor to district twelve. They argued but they also took comfort in each other, whenever they could, but ever since the boy and the girl everything changed.

“Effie? What’s the boy doing here?”

“Peeta is there? Oh no Haymitch! Last I spoke to him he was fine in district ten.”

“Well he is here now”

“Has she seen him?”

“Yes.” He sadly whispers remembering the broken girl he left behind.

“Haymitch, maybe it’s for the best. You know how I never agreed with the way Doctor Aurelious decided to do things. Keeping him away from her is the wrong way to go. They need each other and they have for years.”

“It was for the best sweetheart, he got to start again.”

“No Haymitch . They could have healed together.”

“What do we do then, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know… if we tell the doctor he might make my poor boy leave…and Haymitch he has been so lost. He needs to find a home.”

“District twelve?” he asks.

“Katniss…”

“Effie, are you sure?”

“He dreams of her you know…he doesn’t know who she is, but every night he dreams of losing her.”

“Effie I hope you are right…I don’t think the girl will make it without him. I’m afraid we are going to lose her one of these days.”

“Haymitch our children deserved so much better than they got.” Her quiet declaration pulling at his old heart.

“Yes they did…alright sweetheart we will do things your way. Let’s leave the boy alone and see what happens. He came back for a reason.”

“Thank you. Now give me a couple of days to tie some lose ends and I will make my way to you.”

“Effie? You can’t be serious, you would never make it here.”

“The children need us Haymitch. We split us up once before and we are all miserable, now we will do it together.”

“Together Effie”?” He echoes, softly smiling at her tenacity.

“Together Haymitch…we are a team after all.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta adds another missing piece to the puzzle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to update this chapter yesterday, but I have been sick since Thursday. Please forgive any mistakes.

Chapter 3

Four months later

  
_He is running through the trees but the branches claw at him restricting his movements. He reaches for his knife but it’s not there. He dropped it somewhere. Frantically pulling himself away he hears her calling his name._

  
_“Peeta!”_

  
_He has to reach her. He needs to save her. She is the one to survive. The brush seems to grow thicker the more he tries to escape. He feels the branches clamping onto his wrists and his ankles. He can’t move…They are coming…he knows they are coming. The trees fall away to reveal a white room, the lights so bright to be almost blinding. He hears the quiet whispers in the corner. The faces swim on his periphery covered in white masks._

  
_“He can’t take anymore, it will kill him.”_

  
_The words bring peace instead of fear. He wants to die. He can’t take the pain anymore. He knows what they are doing. They are taking her from him. They are changing him. He wants to die. Then he hears her through the fog, a song, a four note whistle and a soft whisper._

  
_“Stay with me.”_

  
_Always_ …Peeta comes awake with the word on his lips. Trying to catch his breath he sits up and brings his legs to hang over the side of the bed. What was that? That was the worst dream yet. Running a hand through his hair, Peeta tries to get his mind to focus on what he knows.

  
“My name is Peeta Mellark, I am home above the bakery in district 12..." he stops

  
“My name is Peeta Mellark, I'm in district 12…”he stops again. Frustrated he tries once more. “My name is Peeta Mellark, my home is district 12…”

  
Unable to finish, he jumps out of bed, taking a deep breath as he walks himself to the window he left open last night. Shivering from the early morning cold he looks out at the woods behind the bakery. Staring out into the darkness he wonders what the nightmare meant. Was it a memory? No it can’t be, no one can live through so much pain.

  
Forcing himself to dismiss the dream he turns away from the window. Absent mindlessly rubbing the area above his knee, where the artificial leg was permanently attached to his bones, blood and nerves. It was a miracle what capitol medicine could accomplish, but on nights like this one, he wishes he could take off all remnants of his days in the capitol. He knew his leg was gone because of them, he just didn’t know why or how it had happened. Doctor Aurelious wants him to remember things on his own.

  
_“It’s important that we allow your memories to return without any outside influence. You have to let the brain decide what it can handle Peeta. You must have patience."_

  
_“Patience! How can you ask me that when I don’t know who I am!”_

  
_“I know it must be frustrating for you, but as I have told you before, your situation is extremely rare and we must proceed with caution.”_

  
_“What do you expect me to do in the mean time? I am dying here doctor. I have no purpose. I feel useless!”_

  
_“Let me look into it a little bit, but I have an idea. You are a baker; maybe we should use these skills you haven’t forgotten to give you a purpose Peeta.”_

  
A baker? Peeta thinks, as he splashes some water on his face. “Is that all I am?” He asks the young man in the mirror. Studying the faint scar running down the side of his face he notices what a remarkable job Effie’s creams were doing. The scar was a lot less noticeable than a year ago. His eyebrow and hair had grown back managing to cover most of it. The stares have stopped for the most part. At least the young man looking back at him was not a stranger anymore. He had grown used to him and recognizes him as himself.

  
A knock on the bakery’s back door brings him out of his thoughts. It was his first Sunday off in a long time. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries today and he wasn’t scheduled to help in the reconstruction either. Not bothering with shoes, Peeta makes his way down the stairs of his home.

  
Reaching the door he pauses and shakes the strange feeling of anticipation he gets every time someone knocks on the back door. Really who was he waiting for? Most of his business was conducted in front.

  
He opens the door to reveal a slight figure huddled within the confines of a brown coat.

  
“Greasy Sae?” He asks eyeing the figure on his back porch. Opening the door wider to let her in, he quickly eyes the empty picture frames resting against his porch, before closing the door behind her.

  
“I'm sorry if I woke you.” She apologizes as she places a box on his kitchen table. “I was going to leave these things outside your door, but I saw your light was on.”

  
“No, don’t worry I was awake. Would you like something warm to drink?”He asks walking to the range and making quick work of setting some water to boil.

  
“No, my boy, thank you.” she answers fondly patting his cheek as he comes to stand next to her.

  
“What is this?” he asks curiously peering into the box.

  
“It’s something you left behind.”

  
“Greasy sae?” he whispers taking what seems to be an empty leather bound book out of the box. Opening it to somewhere in the middle Peeta caresses the crisp white pages. An unfamiliar sense of excitement rises within him; a myriad of possibilities appear before him. Holding the book close to his heart he begins to take out, one by one, the items inside the box. A roll of canvas? The image of rolling this white fabric onto a frame he built came to him. He reaches in and takes out a wooden box splattered with paint. Carefully he opens it to reveal a rainbow of color, lovingly placed inside. Reaching for a dark green jar Peeta reverently opens it and the smell of acrylic paint wraps around him welcoming him. Searching through the box reveals more supplies only valuable to an artist, _“You are a painter.”_ His mind conjures out of nowhere.

  
“Greasy Sae? What is all this?”

  
“This belongs to you.”

  
“Mine? I used to paint? Did you save these from the fire?”

  
“Never mind the details, my boy, these are yours that’s all that matters.” She says.

  
“Mine?” he repeats, his eyes solemnly resting on the supplies on the table.

  
“Yes, Peeta.” She says sadly smiling at him. “You are a wonderful painter.”

  
“I am a painter.” He whispers.

  
Not knowing how else to thank this wonderful woman who has given him a bit of himself back. He rushes to her and happily hugs her. “Thank you”

  
With a gentle chuckle Greasy Sae warmly pats him on the back before he lets her go with a quick “Sorry”

  
“Don’t apologize. These old bones have not been hugged by a handsome young man in quite some time.”

  
Blushing Peeta turns away as the shrill of the tea pot cuts through the awkward moment. He softly smiles at her and says “Well at least this young man will be here if you ever want another hug.”

  
“Oh you sweet boy! Don’t waste your flirtatious smiles on me.”

  
Chuckling Peeta thanks her again.

  
“You’re welcome, but it wasn’t my idea my boy, I was just the messenger.”

  
“Then who?”

"Someday I might tell you, but for now allow us to take care of you too.”

  
Looking down at the strange yet familiar things littering his kitchen table, Peeta experiences a sense of fulfillment. One more puzzle piece falling into place.

  
"I am a painter."

  
\--------

  
Effie opens the front door of the bakery. Since selling everything she owned and moving to twelve to be near the children, her life had taken a much different path than she would have ever imagined. She now worked at the new Government Offices serving as a liaison between the Capitol and District twelve.

  
The people of twelve are used to her by now, but they still regard her with a sense of trepidation, maybe a little bit of fear, that was understandable though, she had once taken their children away. There was so much she had to make up for, so many mistakes to put right. She can only hope that one day they come to accept her.

  
Looking into the kitchen and finding it empty she heads up the stairs. Not for the first time, she wonders if she was making a mistake letting the boy stay in his district, but her heart was telling her otherwise and as she told Doctor Aurelious, she was the boy’s legal guardian and she was making this decision. If things went wrong she would assume all responsibility.

  
Reaching the top of the stairs, she calls his name. When no answer comes back, she decides to return later. It was Sunday after all, his one day of the week to rest. Feeling she was invading his privacy, she turns to head back down the stairs, but something out of the corner of her eye makes her stop. Stepping closer to what had been her room when she first moved to the district, she pushes the door open.

  
The smells of paint and turpentine assault her senses. The sight in front of her takes her breath away. He was painting again! Her boy was finding his way back. The room stood empty, but for the easel by the window, the table covered in painting supplies and the canvases around the room. Smiling she studies the finished paintings resting against the wall, ten in all, all in different degrees of experience, as if he was relearning what used to come naturally to him. The further into the room she makes it the canvases display his level of confidence growing. The woods, the view of the street from the bakery window downstairs, this room, her the day she arrived at his backdoor, smiling with two suitcases in tow. Reverently running a hand over the frame of the canvas her eyes are drawn to the two paintings propped against the other wall.

  
Drawing closer she realizes one depicts a scene she has seen before. A beach lies in front of her, the light of the moon reflecting on the water. A gray haze covers the scene as lighting hits the shadow of a tree in the distance. There was a mystical quality about the picture, as if depicting the artist’s dream. A tear falls down Effie’s cheek, the boy was remembering. He just didn’t know it yet. Turning to the next painting this one she had never seen before, but the gray eyes breaking through the fog were certainly familiar.

  
“Katniss” Effie can’t help whisper, Peeta saw Katniss in his dreams. Her heart breaking for him, Effie turns away from the paintings with all intention of walking out the door, but all thoughts of leaving are gone the moment her eyes take in the canvas standing on the easel by the window. It seemed to be an exact replica of the gray eyes but these eyes glowed with hatred, a red haze emanated from them as they stared with anger out of the frame, these eyes had done unspeakable things, these eyes were the eyes of a mutt. Taking in the slashes tearing the canvas she realizes this painting brought strong feelings out of the boy.

  
Her boy, her Peeta did this. He must have. Was he seeing this in his dreams or was hijacked Peeta making a reappearance now?

  
Afraid her decision to let the boy stay was putting both the children at risk. Effie rushes out of the room and runs straight out of the bakery, to the arms of the other person that loved them as much as she did.

  
“Haymitch!”She calls for him the moment she runs into his house. Looking for him she finds him running out of his room.

  
“What is it? What’s wrong?” he frantically asks when she runs into his arms. Effie gives a sigh of relief as she feels his arms closing around her.

  
This was home, his arms were home. They had given each other comfort throughout the years first out of necessity, because no one else could understand, but ever since the children, this comfort they received from each other had grown into love, at least on her part. Yes she has loved this imperfect man for many years. To be back in his arms, after making the joint decision to end whatever it is they had, to take care of the children, was a luxury she would never take for granted.

  
Sniffling she begins sobbing in his arms.

  
"What's happened? tell me?"he whispers. His arms tightening around her.

  
"Oh Haymitch, I saw his paintings." she cries her miserable eyes lifting up to his. " He painted her, Katniss, full of hatred. I think he is seeing her though hijacked eyes. I'm afraid our girl might be in danger."

  
"Did you see him have an episode?" Haymitch asks.

  
"No, he wasn't home. I saw his painting."

  
"He is painting again?...Well that, at least, explains what I saw a week ago."

  
"What did you see?" Effie asks looking into his eyes.

  
"I saw sweetheart and Greasy Sae coming out of the boy's house carrying a box along with some frames."

  
"She is still taking care of him." Effie points out.

  
Agreeing with her, Haymitch draws her closer resting his face on her light blond hair."She is giving him a piece of himself back. The piece that always helped him cope with nightmares."

  
"Haymitch, What do we do? Dr. Aurelious always feared that if his memories returned, they might bring the hijacking along with them."

  
"Sweetheart, those two children have always been better together. I think you were right to let the boy stay. Ever since he came back the girl has gotten better. We’ll keep an eye on him, but I don't think he will be a danger to her. Besides sweetheart can take care of herself."

  
"Alright" Effie declares, letting go of Haymitch, she had done enough crying for today, dusting off her gray pencil skirt, she reaches up and places a soft kiss on this perfectly imperfect man."We will keep an eye out for them, really how much trouble can they get in?"

  
“Those two?” he asks before bursting into laughter.

"Haymitch!"

  
\----

  
He was in trouble. The dark images flooding his mind have yet to ease their hold on him. It was those gray steel eyes, he had painted. Those beautiful silver eyes that had come out of nowhere to morph into the fire red of pure evil. Seeing those eyes, staring out of the canvas at him, had made him feel an immense sense fear and rage. After slashing them, he had run, run as fast as he could, out his back door and into the forest. He ran through brush and around trees not caring where he was going. He just needed to get away. He needed to leave that rage behind.

  
What was he going to do? He was going to have to tell Dr. Aurelious, that was not normal? Or was that the real Peeta? Did he once have that much hatred and anger in him? Afraid of the answer he comes to a stop at a small stream.

  
Taking deep breaths Peeta squats down and splashes some cold water on his face. Sitting back he concentrates on bringing his heartbeat down, willing the images away. Slowly the strange thoughts and the fear they brought begin to quiet down, finally allowing the beauty of the place to infiltrate his mind.

  
Looking around he sees that the stream cuts through strong robust trees, newly revived by spring. A squirrel runs among the branches, looking for seeds to forage. The distant song of a bird brakes through the soft rustling of new green leaves. While the sun shone through the foliage, in golden beams of light, kissing the grass around his feet.

  
It was beautiful here. He was maybe two or three miles northeast of town, far enough away to be secluded, but not too far away to be dangerous. Running a hand through his hair he looks out at the clear water moving swiftly downstream. He wonders if it was safe enough to drink.

  
Coming closer to the water Peeta cups some of it into his hands, staring at it, smelling it, gathering the courage to try it.

  
"The water is safe to drink." A voice cuts through the forest.

  
"What?!" Peeta asks jumping back onto his feet, searching frantically for the person who spoke. Nobody, there was nobody there. Great! He was hearing voices too! One more thing to tell Dr. Aurelious!

  
Suddenly from one of the trees on his right, a young woman drops down from one of the branches landing easily on her feet. Carrying a bow and arrows on her back she walks to the water. He recognizes her immediately, one of the victors of District twelve, Katniss Everdeen.

  
"I said the water is safe to drink." She says as she begins filling a canteen with water from the stream.

  
"Thank you." Peeta says as he scoops some water on his hands. The water was clean, sweet and pure with just the hint of minerals.

Watching the young woman take a drink of water he can't help but admire her. She seemed at home in this environment, more so than the times he had seen her around town. She looked strong and capable, more sure of herself. Here she seemed to blend in with her surroundings, an ethereal being in her ethereal habitat.

  
He looks away when her eyes suddenly come in contact with his. What was he doing staring at her? More importantly, how long was he staring at her? _That was a bit creepy, Peeta. Keep it together._

  
Bending down to drink some more water, he stops when she offers him a drink from her canteen. With a murmured thank you he takes a deep drink of the cool fresh water, trying not to blush when he becomes aware he was placing his lips where hers had just been. Really? What was he? twelve years old? He spoke with women all the time, but all of a sudden with her, his body regresses to puberty again,

  
Handing her back the canteen, Peeta watches as she takes another drink of water, not bothering to wipe the mouth clean. He turns quickly away when he notices he was doing it again, he was staring.

  
"Thank you, again. That is the best water I have had in a while." the best water? ugh? Kill him, someone kill him now. Was he blushing oh god he was blushing!

  
"There's a spring up that hill." she says point towards the north."This is where I have always gotten my water. There is nothing like it in town."

  
Peeta feels her coming closer. "The stream empties into a lake two miles that way." she says pointing south. "There is plenty of fish and wild berries there. There is also a cabin fully stocked with firewood and kindling, food and supplies…if you ever get lost."

  
"Really?" he wonders why she was sharing this with him, but appreciating it none the less. "I assume you have been there before."

  
"Many times, it's where I go when I need to get away." She softly says looking longingly downstream.

  
"Everyone needs to get away sometime."

  
"Yes, we do..."She says looking down at her hands. "Especially when we feel haunted."

  
Why did it feel like she understood him? Like she knew where he was coming from.

  
"I'm Peeta, by the way." he says introducing himself.

  
"I know, we used to go to school together." she answers him, turning away from him.

  
"We did? Did we know each other? Were we friends?"

  
She takes a small breath before turning to him once again."We did know each other, but we weren't friends."

  
"Oh" it's all he could say, suddenly disappointed.

  
"You did save my life once." she whispers.

  
"I did? How?"

  
"We were both eleven and you gave me some bread when I was starving."

  
"I wish I could remember that." He adds feeling like he was missing something big here.

  
"I don't think I ever thanked you." She replies, looking once again downstream.

  
"Oh, don't worry, it's not necessary." He reassures her.

  
"I would like to though," she tells him before glancing at him. "Thank you."

  
"You're welcome." he smiles.

  
"I'm Katniss."

  
"It's nice to meet you Katniss."

  
"It's nice to meet you too Peeta."She whispers her voice breaking. She turns away and drinks some water, before looking longingly toward the lake once again. Was he holding her here? Did she want to leave?

  
"Well, Katniss, it's getting late so if you could point me in the direction to town, I will leave you to enjoy the rest of your day."

  
Turning once again to him, she looks directly into his eyes. She certainly had beautiful eyes, but more surprisingly there was something familiar to them.

  
"I'm finished for the day, if you want we could walk back together." She offers him.

  
"I would like that" he smiles glad his time with her was going to be extended. "Lead the way."

  
She takes a moment to find her bearings and points in the direction they are to follow. Trying to commit this place to memory Peeta vows to return. Next time maybe he might make it all the way to the lake.

  
As they walked side by side, Peeta likes the comfortable silence that falls between them. As they make their way to town, she takes a moment to point out the safe berries, they find and eat along the way. He stops short when she suddenly stops and stares at some small blue berries.

  
"What is it?" He asks.

  
"Never eat these." she tells him "these are dangerous, they could kill you in an instant."

  
"What are they?" He wonders looking down at the round berries.

  
"Nightlock" She whispers

  
"Thank you for telling me."

  
With a nod she resumes walking. _Nightlock?_ _Nightlock?_ Where had he heard that before? He wonders as he catches up to her. After that the silence between them returns until they reach the trees in back of the bakery. Peeta turns to Katniss.

  
"Thank you for walking me safely back." He says smiling at her.

  
"You're welcome." she whispers turning to walk back into the forest. "Peeta” She whispers before turning back to look at him. “Next time, bring a weapon, the forest is relatively safe, but there are dangers lurking in its depths too."

  
"I will keep that in mind, thank you Katniss." Nodding at him she quickly disappears among the trees.


	4. Chapter 4

 

Alisson Krauss-Down in the river to pray (the traditional Appalachian song)

 

Chapter 4

 

He couldn't sleep. The nightmares were getting stronger, and sleep harder to come by. He was going to have to slip into the forest once again. He had found peace there. After the hard week he had, some peace and quiet would certainly be welcome. Maybe he might meet her there. He hasn't told anybody about her yet. It felt precious and fragile, something he didn't dare lose.

Staring at his ceiling he jumps when his alarm goes off. He had to get up. Effie was coming to help today. She was going to take over the bakery for half of the day so he could fill his shift with the reconstruction crew. He had to leave enough bread and pastries ready, only to keep Effie out of kitchen.

Smiling he remembers the day she tried to help him. How anyone could make bread dough explode was still a mystery to him. Getting up and catching a quick shower he soon finds himself deep in dough as Rory walks in.Thom had recommended Rory, a boy of sixteen, respectful and hardworking. He came to help every morning before heading to school. With a quick good morning, soon they both manage to have all the shelves stocked with fresh pastries and bread. The coffee machine running and enough dough refrigerated to last them throughout the day. Finally sitting down to have breakfast, Peeta sits at one of the tables across from Rory and joins him for breakfast.

"That was good work Rory."

"Thank you sir,"

"Rory, I've told you before call me Peeta. You make me feel older when you do that. Remember I'm only four years older than you."Looking at Rory though he wonders if he had ever been this young? He certainly felt older than his twenty years.

"Sorry Peeta."Rory says smiling at him.

"How are things over at the new school?"He asks, construction on the new school building had finished two weeks ago and classes had moved there yesterday.

"It's so much bigger, than anything we ever had before." Rory tells him leaning his elbows on the table.

_Elbows off the table Peeta! Don't you dare shame me in front of the Cartrights tonight!_

Peeta tunes back in to Rory's story wondering at the memory. This had been happening more and more lately. He knew they were memories, but he couldn't place the person, the place or when it happened. They were glimpses he caught of his old life, blurred by a fog he can't shake.

"We have a gymnasium and even a computer room. I heard Miss Effie fighting with someone from the capitol at the school when she noticed there were some computers missing. And guess what?"

"What?" he asks enjoying this side of Effie. She had become District twelve's loudest advocate. People in the Capitol must dread her calls. He couldn't be prouder of her.

"By the end of the day they were all there. She got us all new notebooks and pencils, new book bags too. She made sure yesterday that everyone got their free lunch and reminded us about breakfast being free also. No one will be hungry anymore Peeta."

"I'm glad, Rory." Peeta says. Thinking how right it was for children to have enough to eat. Thom told him how bad things were before in the district.

"Well, I guess we kind of like Miss Effie now." He proclaims taking a last bite of his sandwich."We are not scared of her anymore."

"I'm happy, Rory. She is only trying to help you know. She came back here to put some of the wrongs done in the past right."

He knew Effie's story. Representative of the Capitol, in charge of reaping children. She told him she wanted to redeem herself in the eyes of district twelve. Her eyes had been opened by her last charges. Katniss being one of them.

Rory stands up and takes his plate to the kitchen, bidding Peeta Goodbye, he leaves the bakery heading off to school. Peeta thinks back to Effie. She won't tell him Katniss’s story, but then again he hasn't asked. He hasn't wanted to draw attention to his interest on her. He didn't understand it himself, but he had a need to keep quiet about her.

Unlocking the front door of the bakery, Peeta clears the table and prepares to meet the first customers of the day.

\----------

Effie opens the door to Katniss's house in Victor's Village hoping to catch the girl before she leaves. Ever since moving out of Peeta's house she has made sure to come and leave a meal for Katniss. Hoping she eats.

Opening the refrigerator, she eyes yesterday's untouched plate and places today's next to it. She turns and looks at the kitchen, Greasy Sae came almost every morning and made sure Katniss had at least some breakfast, but today she couldn't make it, so it was up to Effie to make Katniss's first meal of the day. Rolling up the sleeves of her yellow sweater, she walks to her bag and follows Peeta's instructions on pre heating the oven. Placing the small round dough balls she had taken from the bakery yesterday, into the oven. Did she have to wait until it was heated completely? Oh well, she thinks, it should be fine.

As she begins setting the table for three, Effie makes sure to heat some milk for hot chocolate. Nothing goes better with cheese buns than sweet hot chocolate. Soon the smell of baking pastries wafts through the kitchen, taking a peek inside the oven she smiles to herself, Peeta would be proud.

She turns when she hears the back door open. Letting himself in Haymitch walks over to her and looks toward the door leading to the living room before placing a quick kiss on her lips.

"Good Morning, sweetheart." he mumbles

"Good morning, Haymitch."

“Missed you today in the morning.” he tells her quickly patting her behind.

"Haymitch! That is unacceptable!"She says slapping him on the arm. "What if Katniss were to walk in? Besides you know that, for propriety's sake, I can't be seen leaving an unmarried man's house in the early hours of the morning."

She lies knowing full well the real reason why. It wasn't always safe to wake up next to him. They had learned the hard way how dangerous it could be to wake up a sleeping victor.

"But you can be seen leaving it late at night? I don't see the sense in that. Nobody cares sweetheart." he says taking a seat at the table. Sadness creeping into his eyes he leans over and tells her "I’m sorry Effie, you could do so much better than an old drunk like me.”

“Haymitch don’t you dare tell me what I deserve. I am here with you knowing well what that entails. I know it’s not easy, but I’m willing to put the work in as long as you are too.” She tells him looking directly at him, willing him to get it through his thick skull she is not going anywhere.

Haymitch looks at the woman standing in front of him, determined to stay, willing to be with him. After everything he had done, he suddenly felt grateful life was giving him a second chance. Not liking where his thoughts were headed he decides to ignore her last statement and all the implications that go with it.

“You could always sleep on the couch, you know.”

“The couch! Well I never!...”She proclaims indignantly. The man made her so angry! Every time their conversations took a turn toward the serious he found a way to dismiss it. “Let me make one thing clear, when I move in with you, Haymitch, it will be on my own terms and only if you meet my needs, the least of them is a bed, and whether you are allowed in that bed is yet to be seen.” She says turning away from him. She goes to the kitchen counter reaches for the knife and begins cutting oranges in half. He was so infuriating! Sometimes she wonders why she even tries with him. A gentle hand suddenly stops her angry display. She feels him come up behind her, his breath on her neck, his other hand encircling her waist, drawing her closer to him. Effie fights the lustful shiver crawling down her back.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers softly kissing her neck. “I know I’m a hard pill to swallow, honey.”

“Make that an impossible pill to swallow.” She whispers melting against him.

“I’m trying here Effie.” He tells her. “I’ve been on my own for too long. I will get better at this. But, I want you to know, not only when you move in, Effie, but now as far as I’m concerned, my house, myself, everything I own is yours, to do with as you want.”

“Are you sure you are not going to regret that Haymitch?” she asks her heart pounding. This was the closest he had ever come to declare any type of feeling for her.

“I’m sure I will,” he smiles against her skin.

“Well, Haymitch.”She sighs turning in his arms and running her fingers through his hair. Getting a hold of his dear face, she looks directly into his eyes. “Clean my house! It’s a pigsty in there!”

She tells him leaving his arms.

“I like it just the way it is!” He turns to follow her with his eyes as she continues to set the table.

“How can you live like that, it’s disgusting.”She says smiling to herself. His feathers ruffled so easily.

“That’s how I know where everything is! I’m not going to have a stranger come in and change everything!”

“Well Hazelle Hawthorne is not a stranger! She will be in your house tomorrow at nine.”

“What?! No, tell her not to come! I like my house the way it is.”

“It can’t be healthy in there Haymitch! I will not lose you to some preventable disease because you were too stubborn to clean!” the sudden quiet in the kitchen has them both stubbornly staring at each other.

“Fine!” He mumbles and throws himself on a chair. “But I’m not happy about it.”

“Duly noted.” She says placing a plate of strawberries in front of him.

“Anyway, have you seen the girl?”He asks her effectively changing the subject.

"No, not yet." she says walking to the oven to check on the cheese buns once again. “But she will come down."

"How do you know she will? Greasy Sae says, the girl has not come down for breakfast for almost a week now." He eyes her strangely as she opens and closes the oven door. "What are you doing?"

"Katniss once told me she loves cheese buns and her sister mentioned that Peeta always made them for her, so I asked him to make me some. Can you smell them?"

"Yes” he says leaving her to her crazy dance, as she tries to push some of the smell out the kitchen door and up the stairs.

Soon the sound of footsteps could be heard, quiet footsteps not many would hear, but footsteps he has grown used to tracking. Keeping an eye on the girl was sometimes exhausting, specially when she came and went at all hours of the day.

Katniss appears on the doorway, hair undone and a sweater much too big for her hiding the scars she carried.

"Good morning Katniss," Effie offers

"Good mornig Sweetheart."

"Don’t call me that!”Katniss whispers as she walks into the kitchen taking a seat across from Haymitch adding a quiet Good morning

"Get ready Katniss," Effie chirps "Do I have a treat for you!"

Katniss just looks at her without saying anything else. Effie places a plate of cheese buns in front of her, smiling at her when she reaches for one. Effie watches her, knowing full well that this could go two ways she either accepts them and eats them, or she refuses them and gets mad at her.

Katniss stares at the bun in her hand before taking a small bite. "Who made these?" she asks after placing her bun back on the plate.

"Peeta did of course."

Katniss jumps out of her seat "I don't want them!" she screams as she runs up the stairs. Oh no it went badly. Soon the sound of the shower running is heard and Effie is left wondering what to do.

“What was I thinking Haymitch? Of course anything to do with Peeta would be too hard for her. All I wanted to do was to give her something she liked.”

"Don't beat yourself up too badly sweetheart. She doesn't speak about him, she doesn't mention him at all. She is trying to do what we asked her to do. To forget about him."

Nodding Effie sits down and eats a few bites of her breakfast, waiting for some inspiration to come and show her how to help her girl.

Thirty minutes later, Effie has cleaned the kitchen and effectively kicked Haymitch out, she loves the man, but sometimes he could get on her nerves! Leaving the cheese buns on the table, she makes her way to the stairs in the front of the house.

She knows she has to at least try to reach the girl. She couldn't stand how much pain Katniss was in, she had to do something. The poor girl has lost so much and Effie knows a thing or two about losses. She has been on her own since she was seventeen after all. She lost both her parents to the excesses of the capitol. Her younger brother went the same way. All four of them; her, haymitch and the children, had something in common, they were all alone.

She had spent most of her life overcompensating for her loss with friends, that didn't care about her and things … extravagant clothing, grand parties, anything to fill the void. But it was never enough. She realized the emptiness and abandonment she felt was eased with the arrival of three victors. One a pain in her neck, the other two, she might not have given birth to them, but became hers nonetheless.

Breathing deeply she takes the stairs to the second floor. A sob makes her stop on the first door on her left. She hears a song coming through the door too faint for her to make the words out. Knocking softly she whispers through the door.

"Katniss, May I come in? My dear."

"Please go away."

"Honey I will leave as soon as you let me talk to you for a minute."

The door opens softly and Effie steps inside. a quick cursory glance of the room reveals a young girl’s taste, soft pastel colors bathe the room, a silver brush lies unused on the dresser. Looking at the broken young lady standing by the door Effie fights the urge to hug her. Katniss has never accepted displays of affection willingly, except from her sister and Peeta.

"Katniss, can we sit down?" With a nod, Katniss sits down on what once, Effie assumes, was her sister's bed. Effie takes a seat next to her.

"What a lovely room. Was this your sister's bedroom?'

Katniss just looks at Effie, a warning to stay away from the topic.

"I had a brother once, he was a year younger than me." she begins, "He was my best friend from the moment he was born. We did everything together. We shared the same room, ate at the same time, only played with each other. My mother and father were never really there, you see. There were always parties to go to, trips to enjoy. But that didn't bother either one of us, the staff took care of us and we had each other."

Effie feels her eyes water at the memory of the brother who meant so much to her.

"Effie?"Katniss asks her.

"I'm fine, my dear." Effie answers allowing herself to pat Katniss's hand, taking a deep breath she continues.

"Well...we grew up that way, until he turned 15, by then he had grown so tall and so handsome, our parents couldn't help but show him off to all their friends. So he started going out to parties with them, he began making friends older than him who treated him like a favorite pet. He loved the attention this brought him. He would whisper to me at night that our parents loved him now. He was so happy. I, however, saw things differently. I was content to stay out of my parent's way. It's sad to say I didn't like them... I tried to make him happy. But I wasn't enough for him, he craved more."

Effie closes her eyes, when her brother's face flashes before her eyes.

"He began changing. He began joining in when my parents taunted me. I wasn't pretty enough, clever enough. For that last year of his life I hardly saw him. I know there were drugs involved and alcohol at least, at these parties. Whenever he would come home, I wouldn't recognize him."

"The last time I saw him, I had just turned seventeen and I received a call from a man I didn't know. He told me where to go that my brother was unconscious and needed help getting home. I went to the address and found him barely breathing...He died in my arms. After his funeral I left and didn't look back. I heard two years later my parents had also died." Effie begins crying when she feels Katniss's hand slip into hers.

"I changed the color of my hair, I changed the way I dressed, and closed my heart to all of them. But I couldn’t let go of him. He was always in my thoughts, the more I thought of him, the more involved in the capitol I became. It wasn't until two children, the same age as him, came into my life, that I allowed myself to mourn him. I cried for him, I raged at him and our parents, but I healed and eventually I forgave them, forgave him. I still carry the guilt of not saving him, but I have finally put him to rest"

Effie looks at Katniss.

"The reason I'm telling you this, is to let you know that I understand. You lost your sister. You loved her and cared for her and it's not right she is gone. But Katniss have you allowed yourself to mourn her?"

"I can't." Katniss whispers.

"I'm not telling how to mourn. It took me more than fifteen years. But I'm telling you allow yourself to mourn her. Cry for her, rage for her just don't let it consume you. You deserve to live Katniss."

"I can't, She died because of me."Katniss's pain evident in every word. "If I hadn't been the Mockingjay. If I hadn't allowed myself to be used, she would still be here."

"Honey...No."Effie whispers "she loved you so much. She was so proud of you. If I know something about her is she would not want you to blame yourself."

"Effie I don't think I can."

"Just try, but I'm here. I have been there before. I will help you carry this load if you let me."

Katniss nods as Effie gets up, and squeezes her hand one last time before letting go.

"I will be downstairs for a few more minutes if you need me."

Effie leaves the room, and goes to the bathroom, splashes some water on her face, rearranges her hair and squeezes some color on her cheeks. Once she feels herself back to normal, she returns to the kitchen where she sees Katniss, hair braided, bow and arrow strapped to her back. When her's eyes meet Katniss's there's a slight change in them, a determination.

“Thank you Effie" Katniss whispers

"Anytime, my dear." Effie whispers back.

She watches as Katniss nods at her, takes a deep breath, grabs a cheese bun and walks out the door.

\--------

He was late, if he had any chance of running into her, he needed to make it to the stream at the same time as last Sunday. He had tried to sleep last night, but his mind wouldn't quiet down enough to relax. He kept reliving every single moment he spent with her last Sunday.

By the time he hears the soothing sound of the stream. He had himself convinced that it was probably too late, that if she had been to the stream at all, he had already missed her. His steps grow slower the closer to the water he gets, allowing the quiet beauty of the place to soothe him.

It is when he breaks out of the trees, into the small clearing where the stream is, that he sees her. A sunbeam illuminated her, as it would one of those wood nymphs Thom told stories about. Her bow and her arrows rested by her side as she squatted by the water humming a song Peeta wished he knew the words to.

The floor around her is littered with tiny white flowers. Flowers he doesn't recognize, but beautiful in their simplicity. Peeta realizes she was very carefully placing the fragile flowers on the water, watching them as they slowly drifted down stream. Bidding farewell to each delicate bud with the song she was softly humming to herself.

He felt like and intruder. Should he leave? He had no right invading such a personal moment. But before he could make a decision her voice stops him.

"You could come near if you want to." she says still crouching by the water.

"How did you know I was here?" He asks walking toward her.

"You do not walk very quietly Peeta." she tells him placing another flower on the water.

"Those are beautiful flowers." he offers

"Primroses." She whispers

"It's a beautiful name."

"It is." Watching her as she sends another bud on its way, Peeta wonders at her sadness. Wishing he could comfort her he comes near her and crouches next to her. She tenses a little before reaching for another flower and without looking at him offers it to him. He whispers thank you as he reverently sends it downstream.

The moment felt sacred, full of melancholy and pain.

"The primrose is edible, you know." she says as another flower is sent on its way. "You could add it to salads or eat it alone. It tastes a bit like lettuce."

"I didn't know that.” he states as she hands him another bud.

"It could help with sleep if drank as a tea.” She adds while sending two primroses onto the water.

"Sleep would be great right now."He whispers.

At this her head comes up and she finally makes eye contact with him.

"You can't sleep?" she asks.

"Not much…nightmares." He tells her unable to understand why he is able to tell her and not Dr. Aurelious.

"What are your nightmares about?" She quietly asks hesitating a little.

"I don't know, just a mix of things that I can't make heads or tails about. I don't know if they are memories or just a product of a mind that can't make sense of where it’s been." He answers looking out into the water.

"I have nightmares too."

"You do?” he asks hoping she knows of a way to make them go away. “What are yours about?"

"Just things that have happened, things that I've done."

"Really? Maybe we are not too different you and I."

"Maybe" she says standing up and reaching for her things. Peeta comes to his feet as he watches her strap her bow on her back. He sadly acknowledges she was leaving.

"I'm heading down the stream."

"Oh, Alright. It was nice seeing you again."

She bends down, picks up a handful of flowers and drops them into the water. She watches them as they make their slow way toward the lake.

"Would you like to come to the lake?" she asks so quietly he could have missed it.

"The lake? Sure, I would like that." he says as she then nods and begins following the primroses.

Silence falls between them once again. Peeta walks by her side trying to be as quiet as his leg would allow.

'Don’t worry about making noise. I'm not hunting right now. There is no need to be quiet."

He looks at her. Was she reading his mind? How could she know what he was thinking?

With a small smile she turns away, looking out into the distance. The silence becomes comfortable once again.

As the time passes Peeta becomes busy committing every little thing to memory. Last Sunday it took him three tries before he was satisfied with what he had painted. Today he knew exactly what he would paint first.

The moment when he first saw her today, crouching down by the water, with the sun kissing her face and the primroses scattered around. Peeta is lost to his thoughts not really knowing how long they have walked. Until her voice breaks into his thoughts once again.

"My sister's name was Primrose." she tells him.

They continue walking in silence, Peeta afraid to say anything, instinctively knowing whatever came from her had to be given on her own.

"Today would have been her sixteenth birthday."

Peeta can't help but feel sad at the death of someone so young. "I'm sorry."

"She was gentle, caring, selfless...she was learning to be a healer." Katniss tells him as they keep heading toward the lake. Peeta stares at the grass on the ground, new, fresh, spring giving it a new life.

"She used to bring animals home all the time."She continues with a small chuckle."Sometimes they were injured, but most of the time they just needed food. They would take what they needed and be gone the next morning. She used to think I would throw them out, but I never did. I never had the heart to tell her otherwise though, they were just wild creatures, not meant to be confined, but to her all they needed was love. And who knows maybe they did, we all need love."

Peeta turns his head to look at her as she grows quiet, her eyes lost in memories, before she resumes her story.

"Before our father died, he used to sing her to sleep every night. I remember once, she was teething I think, she just wouldn't stop crying. Father walked in covered in soot from the mines, and he began singing. He sang the same song as he washed the coal dust away. Over and over he sang until Primose stopped crying. He gathered her into his arms and stayed with her the rest of the night, singing what eventually became her song. After he died she would ask me to sing it to her, and I would....She died two years ago in the Capitol."

Stillness falls between them as she stops talking. Peeta felt thankful Katniss would share such a private moment with him. He remains quiet as he concentrates on placing one foot in front of the other, fighting the sudden need to reach over and hold her hand.

Walking side by side with her he felt a peace he hadn't felt in a long time, he can only hope she feels the same way. They continue on this way for some time until Peeta is able to catch a glimpse in the distance of sun sparkling over water. Their hands swing loosely at their sides softly brushing against each other every now and then, neither one of them steps away to place any distance between them.

Lost in the silence, the warmth of the sun peaking through the leaves and the brush of her hand, Peeta’s breath is knocked away when she begins to sing.

_"As I went down in the river to pray,_

_Studying about that good old way,_

_And who shall wear the starry crown_

_Good Lord, show me the way!_

 

_O sisters let's go down,_

_Let's go down, come on down,_

_O'sisters let's go down,_

_Down in the river to pray._

 

_As I went down in the river to pray_

_Studying about that good old way_

_And who shall wear the robe and crown_

_Good Lord, show me the way_!

 

Tears gather in Peeta's eyes as she continues her song. Mourning for the sister she lost, Katniss walks on toward the lake. Nothing registers in his mind but the pure soulful voice coming from the young woman beside him. Had he ever heard something so beautiful? Everything else pales in comparison to the moment.

As they come to the lake, the sun breaks from behind a white cloud. Primroses float on the water and birds have stopped to listen. Katniss sings the last bar of her song and she bursts into quiet sobs. Unable to stay away Peeta gathers her into his arms. She tenses a little before melting into his embrace.

Time slowly passes as the birds resume their signing and the clouds finally move away. Peeta lets go of her when he feels her pulling away. He watches her as she walks to the lake and splashes some water on her face. When she takes a seat by the water Peeta decides to join her.

He sits quietly beside her, allowing her a moment to herself. He begins admiring the immense body of water. Do people know this is here? If they do how can they stay away? Peeta watches as a birds dives into the depths of the water and comes up with his prize. Wrapping his arms around his upturned knees he wishes he could hold her once again.

\-----

Katniss watches him sleep. Her eyes roam over his familiar face. His eyes, when open, are still the same clear blue as before. The soft curls framing his face, longer than they had ever been, but still the same. He was Peeta, always sweet, always caring, always willing to comfort her when she needs it.

Why did she ask him to come with her? Isn't it better for him if she stayed away? Didn't everyone tell her so? It was her fault he had suffered so much. It was because of her he lost himself. She told him last time to keep away from nightlock, maybe she should have warned him to stay away from her.

He turns toward her in his sleep, something he used to do before. Now is the moment when he would wrap his arm around her waist drawing her ever closer to him. Oh! How she misses the nights spent with him. The nightmares were so much easier to handle then. She hasn't slept well since he's been gone.

Reaching a hand out to his hair, she softly rakes her fingers through his curls…still soft and unruly. Would it be so bad if she laid down next to him? Maybe he might reach over and draw her close. She might be able to sleep then.

Looking around to make sure there were no prying eyes, she lays down on her side facing him. His familiar scent embracing her once again, cinnamon and dill. A tear slips out of her eye as she closes them, wishing he would reach for her in his sleep.

It is in that moment that she feels his arm wrap around her waist drawing her close. Two grateful tears roll down her face as blessed sleep finally takes her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found out about Primroses through the internet, don't take my word that they are edible. I don't know anything.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned at the beginning for this story to have around four chapters, but it has gotten away from me. It seems Katniss and Peeta have much more to say than I previously expected. Let's just see where they take us.

It was getting cold. Peeta shivers and draws the warmth on his chest closer to him. Contented he breathes in. Hair tickles his nose and he turns his face away. He smiles when he notices it’s her favorite spot…she seemed to like to hear his heartbeat.

His eyes fly open. Where had that thought come from? Who was he thinking about? Was it a memory? What was it? He was getting tired of these moments, not knowing if they were once real or not. He kept hoping the fog will one day clear, but he was afraid this uncertainty, this void, he carries will never ease. His mind knows that he can’t rely on the past to live his life. He has to find a way to move on and build a new one, without the old one. But his heart is not letting go, something is out there, something just out of his reach, something precious.

Fighting restlessness he becomes aware of his surroundings, he takes notice of the sinking sun. What time was it? An owl announces its presence as he looks down and realizes Katniss was in his arms.

Afraid to wake her, he tries to think. He had fallen asleep sometime ago. He had slept so soundly, without any nightmares. But now the sky was growing darker, the woods behind him more daunting. He knew he had to wake her, but he was afraid of letting her go. Hugging her closer to him he wonders, why did this feel so familiar? Did he have someone special before? Someone he slept with? No one has told him anything about that. Surely they would have if they knew. 

Katniss stirs in her sleep drawing closer to him. Her arm snakes its way over his torso embracing him. How did they end up like this? Did he reach for her in his sleep? Should he apologize when she wakes up? He just didn’t know.

He feels Katniss turn her face into his chest and draw a deep breath. He waits for her to wake up as he takes a cursory look around. It was getting dark fast. Judging by the lingering light, it would be completely dark by the time they made it home. Would it be safe to venture into the forest in the dark?

Regretting having to wake the woman in his arms, Peeta calls her name. 

"Katniss” He whispers “Katniss”

Peeta watches her stir, reluctantly fighting consciousness. She hugs him tighter as she turns her sleepy eyes to look up at him. “Hey” she smiles at him.

“Hey” He smiles back.

He could get used to this, waking up next to her, every morning, might just be a perfect way to start the day.

Her hand moves up to softly caress his face. Peeta smiles warmly at her, enjoying the contact. Suddenly the warmth in her eyes gives way to panic. He feels her tense in his arms. She sits up abruptly and moves away from him.

Peeta looks at her in confusion. Did she think he was someone else? She must have. That look was not meant for him.

Peeta tries to ignore the disappointment he felt. Truthfully he had no reason to feel that way. He barely knew her, they were strangers. Sitting up he runs a hand through his hair and stares out at the dark water.

“How long were we asleep?” she asks him.

“I don’t know.” He tells her as her eyes refuse to meet his. “I just woke up myself.”

“It’s too late to turn back now. The woods are not safe in the dark. We are going to have to spend the night in the cabin.”

At his nod Katniss quickly gets to her feet and gathers her things. The sound of a howling wolf startles Peeta into action. On swift feet he begins to follow her to the small cabin he had barely noticed before. The closer they get to it the more welcoming it seemed.

The cabin was old, maybe from before the dark days. But it seemed sturdy, well taken care of. He could see where new wood had replaced the old. The walls stood strong against the dark menacing forest behind it. It fit its surroundings, just like the woman walking ahead of him.

Opening the door, Katniss heads for the small table in the corner and strikes a match quickly illuminating the one room cabin. The table sits on the right side of the small fireplace. Walking in and closing the door behind him, Peeta heads straight to the fireplace. This he could do, he could coax fire out of anything. The fireplace soon bursts to life as he hears Katniss rummage among the cupboards.

“We need something to eat.” She tells him as she gathers her weapon and begins walking out the door. “Wait here, hopefully I might be able to find something.”

She is gone before Peeta could say a word. Sighing he takes a look around the cabin. It was small with just a small bed in the corner. Now that there was light and that the warmth from the fire was driving away the gloom. He could see the draw a place like this could have. Just the silence and the comfortable warmth could entice someone to stay.

Looking for something to keep busy he begins to look through the cupboards on the wall. Finding a can of beans and some canned fruit, Peeta sets out to have at least some dinner ready for when Katniss returns with game.

The minutes tick by as he sets the beans to warm over the fire. By the time they are ready Peeta hears footsteps on the front porch. Katniss comes in quickly closing the door behind her.

“Hi.” He says as he stands up from the chair he had dragged closer to the fire. “I hope it’s ok, but I found some beans and some fruit on the cupboards. It’s ready for whatever you were able to find out there.”

“Thank you,” she answers moving closer to the fire, reaching for the bag strapped to the side. “I was able to bag a rabbit.”

Peeta smiles and moves to take the skillet hanging above the fireplace. “Here if it’s ready, I will take care of it while you make yourself comfortable.” Katniss nods and shyly looks away from him as she hands him her prize. Peeta makes quick work of seasoning the meat with the few spices he had found in the cabin and after setting the rabbit to cook, he proceeds to set the table. After hanging her weapon and her jacket by the door, Katniss takes a seat on the bed and silently stares into the fire.

“How dangerous is it out there right now?” he asks

“Not too bad, I just heard a few wolves, but they are not close enough to be any kind of danger to us.”

“Good.” He says as they both stare into the fire once again.

“Katniss.” He begins “I’m sorry you woke up in my arms. I must have reached for you while we slept. I’m sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Don’t” she says not lifting her eyes from the fire. “Don’t apologize. I haven’t slept like that for a very long time. I should thank you for that.”

“I haven’t slept so well since I first woke up in that hospital” He tells her as he takes the meat out of the fire. Dividing it between both plates on the table, Peeta scoops some of the beans into both plates as Katniss takes a seat at the table.

“Thank you” she whispers as she begins eating.

“No thank you for making sure I’m safe.” He tells her as he begins to eat.

They eat in silence for a couple of minutes until she offers him some water from her canteen. With a grateful nod Peeta lifts the cup he had placed on the table. Taking a drink, he returns to his food.

“Peeta,”

“hmm?” he asks taking a bite of the meat.

“What happened when you woke up in the hospital for the first time? If you don’t mind me asking.”

He pauses before answering, he hadn’t thought about that day in a long time. “When I first opened my eyes, I remember looking around, I was searching for someone but I didn’t know who. Then as my mind cleared from sleep, I began realizing there was nothing there, in my mind. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know who I was. I started panicking. Thrashing, I couldn’t breathe. A nurse had to inject me with something to calm me down. I remember welcoming the darkness, thankful for it, because I was so afraid of this world I didn’t understand.”

Peeta takes another bite of his food as the memories of that day flood his mind. The fear, the fear was intense that day. “The second time I woke up, Dr. Aurelius was there. He gradually brought me out of this morphiling sleep I was under and explained what had happened to me."

He takes a moment to collect his thoughts.”He told me that I was hurt during the war, and that I was safe in the hospital. He began asking me questions I didn’t know the answers to. Thankfully all that I lost were my memories. The rest, how to talk, how to read, how to make bread, the basics of who I was before were still there, my mind it seemed just blocked the part that made me…me. I don’t know if that makes sense?”

“Yes, it does.” She whispers.

“Well, after that Effie took charge of me. I’m glad she did. She was there every day, from early morning until they kicked her out at night.” Peeta smiles at the memory of Effie arguing with the hospital staff. “She is the one that convinced Dr. Aurelious to let me leave the hospital, after being in there for so long all I wanted was to get out, I missed trees. I missed feeling the wind in my face. She got me a position in a small bakery in district 10. I was fine there for a couple of months, but I wanted to know about myself. I wanted to find someplace where I could fit in, so one day without telling anybody I packed up and left and came here, the rest you know.”

“It takes bravery to head out into the world on your own.” She tells him.

“Bravery? I’m still afraid. I am lost in a world I don’t know.” Peeta looks at the woman in front of him.

“How do you do it then? How do you go on?”

“Hope. Hope that even if I have a bad day today, tomorrow will be better. It helps me get through the day. I decided a while back, that I wasn’t going to wait any longer for the memories to return. I am making new memories now. I am alive, unlike many others. I owe it to them and to me to live this life I was given.”

Katniss gives him a small smile and returns to her food. Peeta smiles, proud of how far he has come, he doesn’t know what kind of man he once was, but he likes the man he was becoming.

 

\------

 

“Here” Katniss stands in front of him, handing him an extra blanket.

“Are you sure you don’t want the pillow?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Thank you.” He says setting it on the floor. Taking his shoes off, Peeta sets them down next to hers by the door. After placing another log on the fire and blowing out the light, he turns when he feels the slight breeze coming in through the window.

In amazement he stares at Katniss. “You like to sleep with the windows open too?”

“Yes” she whispers as she lies down in bed. “I can’t sleep any other way.”

“Me neither.” He tells her in awe. Not many people liked to sleep with the window open.

Following her lead, Peeta lies down on the blanket and using his jacket as a pillow concentrates on trying to go to sleep. The minutes ticked by, and sleep still eluded him. He turns his head when he hears Katniss changing positions again. It seemed he was not the only one who couldn’t sleep.

“Are you awake?”She whispers.

“Yes” he tells her as she turns to look down at him.

“I can’t sleep.” He smiles.

“I can’t either.” Silence falls comfortably between them.

“Peeta?”she asks

“Hmm?”

“Did you like living in district 10?”

Like it? He takes a minute to truly think about it. He looks up at her.

“What I liked was that I was free. But freedom takes a different meaning when you don’t know how things work. Once I was out there I lacked the confidence needed to deal with others. It wasn’t until I got here that I was able to form any kind of social connection. While I was there I mostly stayed in the kitchen, I never ventured out into the district. I guess I was too afraid of how people looked at me.”

“How did they look at you?”Katniss asked hesitantly.

Peeta looks up at the ceiling once again. He never told anyone this. He couldn’t make himself say the words out loud. He always wondered if maybe it was all in his head. Maybe people never meant to stare, but it always unnerved him somehow. It’s what made him cover his scars back then.

“At first I thought I was imagining it. But as the days passed I began to notice how quiet the front room got every time I walked in. How their eyes would follow me everywhere I went. I figured it was because I was a stranger, but it got so bad that Aaron, the baker, asked me to stay in the kitchen. It was fine with me. Being in a world you didn’t know the rules to was frightening.”

Peeta turns toward her once again. He could barely see her face as she leaned toward him. “I realized that I was as much a prisoner to my situation in district 10 as I was back in the hospital. The last straw came on my last day there. Clara, the baker’s daughter, had been helping me bake the bread for the early morning rush. We had just finished setting up the front room, when I heard her cry out. A pot of boiling water fell from the stove as she was taking it out, scalding her leg. I picked her up in my arms and ran out the door. I knew the doctor only lived a few doors down. I begged people to help me, point me to where it was, but they just stared. No one spoke out, all they did was whisper to each other. I didn’t know what to do. What was so wrong with me that no one would help me? Aaron suddenly appeared and together we rushed Clara to the doctor’s.”

“What happened to Clara?”

“She was fine, her dress had shielded her from the worst of it. The doctor spread some ointment on the burn and bandaged her leg. When we returned to the bakery I headed upstairs to my room, packed my things and left. What was I doing in a district that obviously didn’t want me? I needed to find someplace where I could fit in, someplace I belonged. So, I came home.”

“Have you gotten in touch with them again, the baker and…Clara?”

“To Aaron I spoke once to let him know I was doing fine. To Clara I speak to at least once a week. I missed her. She became a friend while I was there. She is completely healed by now.”

The silence in the room is only broken by the sound of the crackling fire. Peeta wonders if maybe Katniss had fallen asleep.

“Peeta?”she whispers

“yes?”

“I’m glad you made a friend.”

Peeta smiles. “I’m glad too. We became very good friends at the end.”

The silence once again falls in the small cabin. Peeta hears Katniss shift onto her back.

“Tell me about her.” she asks.

“Well…she is around my age. She is smart, kind and devoted to her father. She plans on taking over the bakery one day, so she is taking courses by mail. Every day after the bakery closes she takes all the left over bread to the justice building where she helped set up a pantry for those who needed help. The grocer, the butcher, in fact all the merchants in town make donations to this pantry. She was very happy the day she convinced the shoemaker to donate some used shoes.” Peeta smiles. “She was jumping with excitement that day. Thom thinks it’s an idea he would like to make work here. She was so happy when I told her about it.”Peeta ends with a yawn. He was finally getting tired.

“She sounds nice.” Katniss whispers as she turns to face away from him. “Goodnight Peeta.”

“Goodnight Katniss.” he answers as his eyes finally begin to close. He shivers at the slight chill in the air.

 

\------

 

“No! don’t go!” Peeta is startled out of his dream by the screams “Finnick! You have to save him!”

It quickly dawns on him the sounds are coming from Katniss. Jumping out his makeshift bed he tries to wake her.

“Katniss” he whispers the agony in her voice breaking his heart.”Katniss please wake up”

He sits down next to her on the bed. “Katniss, it’s only a dream.”

“No! Don’t take him!” Her sudden scream has her leaping up on her knees. Surprising him when she crawls over to him and sits on his lap hugging him close. “The cannon I heard the cannon”

Peeta does what feels natural and wraps his arms around her trembling body trying to keep her safe. “It’s okay Katniss. You’re safe.”

“I should have said something.”She cries into his shoulder. “I’m sorry I should have said it…it’s too late now…too late.”

Her heart wrenching sobs break through her body. He begins to rock her in his arms. “Shh, it was only a nightmare. You are safe.”  

She stays quiet for a long time as Peeta continues to soothe her. He feels her warm breath on his neck as she releases a sigh.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers, still trembling in his arms, her fingers desperately digging into his back. “I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t put you through this.”

“It’s okay Katniss” he reassures her “Take all the time you need.” 

The sound of an owl hooting close to the cabin comes through the window as Katniss’s trembling finally begins to die down. Peeta continues to rock her until he feels her tense in his arms. Knowing that she will be pulling away soon he loosens his hold on her so she doesn’t feel trapped. Somehow he knew that was important to her.

She finally pulls completely away from him and sits down next to him drawing her knees close to her and burying her face in them.   

“I’m sorry, Peeta” she whispers.

“Please don’t apologize.” he tells her. 

She lifts her face to look at him. Her eyes fill with tears once again. Before she jumps out of the bed and runs out the door.

Peeta sighs as he comes to his feet and lights the lantern. Throwing more wood into the fire he begins to straighten up the room. Giving her the time and privacy she needs. Leaving the door open for her, he sits once again on her bed waiting for her to return.

He doesn’t have long to wait before he sees her on the threshold again. “I’m sorry Peeta” She whispers closing the door behind her. On soft feet she makes her way to him and sits down next to him on the bed. 

“Nights are hard on me sometimes” she tells him looking down, playing with the seam of her pants. “Most of the time I’m not strong enough to fight the nightmares”. 

Not strong enough? He looks at this scared woman sitting next to him and he couldn’t disagree more. He sees strength instead of weakness. He sees a survivor living with deep emotional scars…a Victor. 

“Katniss, I know some of what you have been through.” She lifts her eyes to his. “I know that you lived through the games. I know you survived. I know you had a district partner who survived with you and I know you lost your family to the war.”

“How do you..?” 

“Just bits and pieces I have been able to gather around. But what I’m saying is that you have suffered through something that would break the strongest of men. Don’t apologize for carrying scars. Katniss…” he says turning toward her. “Allow me to help you if I can, in any way possible, in any way you need. I want to help you.”

“Why?” 

“I don’t know. I just feel I want to.” 

“I don’t deserve it Peeta. I have seen and done terrible things. I have caused too much pain.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance Katniss. I have been lost for so long but I have been granted a second chance and I’m grateful. Please let me help you get your second chance at life.” 

A shaky breath leaves her as he braves her rejection and pulls her hair behind her ear.  

“It has helped me to talk about things. When you are ready I will be here to listen.” 

“What would I talk about? I’m not good with words, never have been.”  

“I don’t know, but you have to start somewhere. Maybe you could start with your dream.” 

He feels her retreat into herself once again. So he decides not to push her. If she is going to have a chance at healing, it will have to come from her.“Don’t worry. There’s no pressure to talk. If you feel ready it’s ok and if you never feel ready that’s ok too. Now try to get some rest.” 

Getting up from the bed he walks over to the lantern and turns it off. With only the light from the fire lighting his way he lays down on the floor.  “Good night Katniss.” He sighs staring up at the ceiling. 

“Peeta?" 

“Hmmm? “

“Why do you want to help me?” 

“Because that’s what friends do Katniss. I just want to be your friend.”

The silence weighs heavily in the air until Peeta hears a small sob coming from the direction of the bed. 

“Katniss?” He asks turning to look at her. 

“I’m ok Peeta.” She answers 

Unsure of what to do he turns to look up at the ceiling once again, he concentrates on watching the shadows cast by the fire. There was something oddly familiar about their light; unexpectedly the image of light dancing on a rock surface becomes clear in his mind.  

Time seemed to slow down for Peeta as he tries to make sense of his thoughts.  The sound of dripping water echoing through the room becomes clear. Was it raining outside?... No it’s in the image, water dripping down a rock wall…a cave? Willing this image to bring a memory he closes his eyes trying to conjure a stronger picture. Why can’t it be clearer? He feels it’s important he remembers that moment.  

"I was dreaming about him." Katniss's voice startles him out of the moment. A cold sweat having broken out over his body, he turns to look at Katniss, and pushes the image out of his mind. He might as well, trying to remember was exhausting.

Taking a deep breath, he turns to her and quietly asks "Who were you dreaming about?" 

"My district partner" she barely whispers. 

"Oh." He answers trying to tread softly. "What was his name?" 

"I can’t. No names please. It’s too painful." 

"Ok no names." he reassures her.  "Tell me about him, then." 

Silence falls in the cabin once more and once again Peeta waits for her to say more if she wants to. 

"He was generous and kind. " she whispers into the night. "Unselfish and morally pure. From the moment he was reaped he decided he was going to see me return home at the expense of his life. And he worked tirelessly to see to that. While I was out in the games looking out for myself he was out there looking out for me too." 

Peeta remains quiet as Katniss pauses. 

"He was loyal and strong. He always saw the best in people but he was not blind to the evils in the world. He was charming and had a way with words I always envied. He made me smile in the hardest of moments and carried me when I was hurt. He was willing to die to protect me over and over again, but then again so was I. I was willing to die for him. We protected each other and he... And he loved me." 

"He loved you?" 

"Yes" she says with a sob. "He loved me without conditions. Even when he thought I didn't love him he still loved me. But now it's too late...and he never knew...it was too late when I realized..." 

Peeta sits up wanting to reach for her. "What happened to him Katniss?" 

"He is gone...I lost him" she says breaking down into heart breaking cries.Peeta leaves his bed and makes his way to hers. Lying down next to her he gathers her into his arms. 

"I’m sorry Katniss." he whispers feeling that the words are not enough. 

"Peeta..." she cries into his shirt.”I never said it." 

"What Katniss?" He asks caressing her hair. 

"He never knew that...I love him too." 

He draws her closer to him, letting her cry out in pain and regret. Peeta holds her until her sobs quiet and sleep takes her. He holds her until the morning sun peeks into the room. He holds her as she begins to stir. He holds her until she leaves his arms and without a single word heads out the door.

Slowly Peeta gets up and begins to put his shoes on. Looking out the window he estimates the time to be shortly before six. He was going to be late opening the bakery today but that could not be helped. The district could wait. Tidying up the room and making ready to leave. Peeta turns to the door when he hears her come in. 

"Good morning" he whispers with a smile.

"Good morning" she says sitting down on the bed pulling her boots on. "If we leave now you should be able to make it to the bakery before 8." 

She tells him not looking at him in the eyes. Peeta watches her gather her things and leave out the door without another word between them. 

He pulls his jacket back on before leaving the cabin. Closing the door behind him he walks to where Katniss was waiting for him.   "Katniss..."he begins  

"Here." She interrupts him, handing him a fistful of berries. "Will you be okay with these until you make it back home?" 

"Yes thank you" he answers her  

"Alright let’s go" 

And with that she turns to walk leaving him to catch up to her all the way back. He stays quiet making sure not to lose sight of her. He knows exactly what she is doing. She was pulling away. Hiding back behind the walls she has built to protect herself. She fears she has said too much, made herself vulnerable again.  

He could not resent her rejection this morning. He caught a glimpse of the real Katniss yesterday and if anything he understands her more. 

In the silence Peeta soon finds himself back behind the bakery. Before leaving he turns back to her.

"See you back at the clearing next Sunday?" he ventures 

“I will not be there." She coldly tells him sealing herself back inside her walls. "I’m not a good person to know Peeta." 

"Let me be the judge of that Katniss, don’t make any decisions for me." 

She turns to him at those words and her eyes meet his for the first time that morning.  

"Good bye Peeta" she whispers turning away from him. 

"Katniss," he calls her as she begins to walk away "I will be there. I will wait for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this update took so long. But back in chapter 3 I started feeling bad. The more time passed the more the pain intensified. Two days after I updated the last chapter I ended up in the emergency room. Needless to say one operation and six weeks of recovery later I'm back. It was harder than I thought to pick up the story again. I have read and re-read the lasts chapters so I could hopefully capture it again.
> 
> (Want to know what got me through all those weeks of recovery? Everlark fanfiction of course! I love all the writers out there that unbeknownst to them were my companions these last few weeks. I thank them with all my heart.) 
> 
> Updates between chapters might take longer than before as I try to get back into it. Thank you all for your patience.


	6. Chapter 6

 

The back door to the bakery opens and Peeta steps in. Looking tired and pale he smiles when he sees her sitting at his kitchen table, a cup of tea in her hand.

“Effie! What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you. Where did you disappear to?”She asks taking a drink of her tea.

She was a little worried about him. Last Sunday he had spent all night out and didn’t open the bakery until well into the day. Effie shivers at the memory of a distraught Rory knocking on her door at six o’clock, in the morning, asking for Peeta. The fear she felt at the thought of losing him, of something happening to him overwhelmed her.This boy had become so dear to her. He was her boy. Her son, she had birthed him out of the capitol, sheltered him, protected him, loved him. If something happened to him she would not be able to bare it.

“I just spent some time in the forest.”He replies taking a seat across from her at the kitchen table. Setting his drawing pad down he picks up her hand. “What’s going on Effie you seem worried?”

“Oh, my boy! I am worried…” she tells him setting her teacup down and resting her hand over his. “Where do you go off to every Sunday morning?”

“Effie there’s nothing to worry about.” He smiles at her withdrawing his hand and coming to his feet. Was he avoiding her question? What could he be hiding? “I’ve been out for a walk.”

He makes his way to the cupboards gets a mug and serves himself some tea, before walking back to her. Taking his place across from her once again, he sadly looks at her. “I’ve been out looking for something, but it wasn’t there today.”

“What is it? I could get it for you from the capitol if you need anything, you know that.”

“Don’t worry Effie. What I’m looking for I can only find in the woods, but don’t fret, if it wasn’t there today, maybe it will be there next Sunday or the Sunday after that. I’m not in any hurry.”

“Peeta, my boy, I don’t understand you.” she smiles shaking her head at him.

“That’s ok." he whispers. "Now that I have you here I have been meaning to ask you something.”

“What is it?” she asks sitting back on her chair.

“Tell me about this person you have been seeing?”He surprises her.

“What do you mean? I have not been seeing anyone.”She tells him, trying to hide the blush she could feel rising.

“Oh! really?”He teases her drawing out the last word. “What about Haymitch Abernathy? Effie you don’t notice but you whisper his name.”

“I do not!”She declares crossing her arms in front of her.

“Effie yesterday you called Mr. Talbot Haymitch three times, the poor man is seventy-two years old, and he kept trying to clear his ear, thinking something was wrong with his hearing.”He tells her. “I want to know something about him, anything really, but especially what his intentions are towards you.”

“Peeta!” she scolds him reaching for her cup once more. “I am not a young girl that needs to answer to her father!”

“I just care about you Effie. You are precious to me. I would not like to see you hurt.” He tells her.

“Oh! My boy! You are precious to me too.” She whispers leaning forward cupping his cheek. Quickly letting him go she sits back.“OK, ask away, what do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” He smiles. “I guess just tell me how you got to this point. I know he was a mentor and you the escort...”

“Well, I didn’t like him much at first.” She begins. “The man can drive me crazy sometimes. He is stubborn, pigheaded and willful, all things that make me want to shake sense into him. For years all we could do was argue. But little by little, after losing child after child, I began to notice there was a different side to him, a gentler side… it was that side that he began drowning with drink.”

She pauses. “The inability to bring those children back home weighs heavily on Haymitch. He blames himself for each and every single one of those lost children. As the years passed we began to find comfort in each other. After all, no one else could understand the heavy load we carried.”

She pauses wondering how much to tell without giving too much away. Should she just come out and say it? Or should she give him a little bit in the hope of sparking something in his mind? She just didn’t know. Deciding that at least she could be honest about herself she continues.

“I grew to love him. Yes he could be hard to live with, but he could also be sweet and kind, protective of those he cared about. He would be the first to deny it, but when Haymitch loves he loves very deeply.”

“And does he love you?”Peeta asks searching her eyes for an answer.

“Yes.” She smiles.

Peeta gets to his feet and comes to stand next to her, pulling her out of the chair he brings her into his arms. “Then I’m happy for you, Effie.”

Drawing her boy closer to her, she rests her head on his shoulder. “Thank you...Would you like to meet him?”

Pulling back at this, he looks at her and smiles. “Yes I would.”

 

\--------

 

Haymitch was nervous. His palms were sweaty and his knees weak. He felt like throwing up. Feeling the vile rise up in the back of his throat, he spits on the side of the road. Effie would have a fit if she saw him right now. Hell! He needed to calm down!

Pulling himself together he resumes walking out of Victor’s Village. Making his way into the town, he pauses to gaze at the sinking sun.

_Tuesday evening, dinner with Peeta. He wants to meet you. I told him about us._ He had found the note waiting for him when he woke up Monday morning. He hadn’t seen her yet. She was avoiding him, knowing full well he might try to get out of it.

What was he thinking? He couldn’t believe...he!, Haymitch Abernathy, was on his way to “meet” his girlfriend’s family. Girlfriend? Such an inadequate way to refer to Effie, she was so much more than that.

Turning the corner into the town’s main street, Haymitch takes a calming breath when the bakery comes into view. What was he going to say to Peeta? He was sure he was going to ruin everything.

Stopping to look into the bakery window, he smiles at the boy wiping the display cases. He was proud of him. This boy, this young man, who has suffered so much, lost so much of himself to the Capitol, was still here, fighting, scraping a new life out of nothing, trying to find his way back. The war may have ended but, for Peeta, the fighting had never stopped. Yes, out of all of them, he was the strongest one.

“He has gotten far, hasn’t he?” the voice of Thom interrupts his thoughts.

“Yes, he has.” He answers still looking at the boy.

“How is she? I haven’t seen her this week.”

“Not well, she hasn’t left her room since Sunday.” He whispers thinking of the girl he left behind. “I checked on her before coming here. She didn’t answer me.”

“Do you think we should push them to meet?” Thom asks quietly. “They need each other, you know that. We all saw it during the games, you more than most.”

“I don’t know.” He turns to talk to the man standing next to him. Young, at twenty-six, Thom bears the heavy burden of managing the reconstruction of a district all on his own. He had everyone’s well being at heart. His priority was to create a community that helped each other and grew together. No wonder no one raised a complaint when he was named interim mayor. He had proven himself to be a man one could trust “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, James has finally been assigned housing. We are going to need all hands to help build his home quickly. His wife should be giving birth any day now. It would be great if she could have the baby in her own home.”

Haymitch looks at him wondering where he is going with this.

“The Foundation is ready, so we should be able to begin building this Saturday. Effie already took care of getting us as many tools as she could. If we have enough hands, and work from sunup to sundown we should be able to finish it in one day.”

“Build a house in one day!?”Haymitch exclaims. That was impossible.

“Well, back before the dark days, they used to raise barns in a day with the help of the entire community. Greasy Sae told us about it."

“Greasy Sae told you…and you believed her?”

“I think it could be possible. James understands the house would be simple, small, made only out of wood if we try to build it in such a small amount of time, but he doesn’t care. He just wants his wife out of the tent they are living in before she gives birth. Like he said, he could always add to it later.”

“Ok, I guess you would know better than me. How do we work the kids into this?”

“Well…we need as much help as we can get…”

Haymitch takes a moment to think about Thom’s plan. It might work. It won’t look like they are forcing them to interact. “Alright, Let’s give it a try.”

“I will call another special town meeting, so everyone is aware of what we are going to attempt.”

“Would they agree to help?”

“The townsfolk? Hell yes! This district loves those two, and not because they were the star-crossed lovers, but because of what they gave this nation. They gave us freedom and a future.” He says looking back at Peeta as he disappears behind the kitchen door. “We all want what’s best for them, and that is to be together.”

“You know if the kids find out what we are doing they will not like it you know?” Haymitch warns.

“I know, but what else could we do? They lost so much for us. I think it is time we give something back to them.”

“Alright, let’s throw them together, but that’s it. If they are going to come together those two need to do it on their own.”

“I understand.” Thom nods “Come! let’s go have dinner. Peeta told me you are about to meet him.”

“How do you know?”

“He invited me. I’m supposed to provide a buffer if he doesn’t like you.”Thom smiles.

“Why wouldn’t he like me? Out of the two of them he was always the only one that could stand me!” Haymitch exclaims insulted.

“Well, before he didn’t love Effie like he loves her now. He feels very protective of her and you have the potential to hurt her. So, old man you better be on your best behavior.”

Haymitch pales next to Thom. It was too much! “Oh hell! I think I’m going to be sick!”

 

\-----------

 

Peeta sits at the kitchen table with Haymitch on his left and Effie right across from him. Dinner was winding down and so far things had gone relatively fine. Haymitch was a quiet man. A man who had a hard time sitting still, who constantly played with the glass of water in front of him. Did he make him nervous? Peeta wonders. If he did it would be absurd, how could he, a simple baker, make a victor and war hero nervous? Peeta chuckles at the thought.

Reaching for his glass of water Peeta turns to the man sitting next to him. “So, Haymitch, Effie tells me you are not drinking anymore?”

Peeta takes in the stillness in the room. Was that a harsh question to ask? Peeta didn’t care, if this man stopped drinking for someone he loved, that was all Peeta needed to know. To make that kind commitment and put in all the hard work sobriety entails, tells Peeta more about the man in front of him than any other question ever could.

“Yes.” Haymitch sits back looking directly at him, possibly trying to read Peeta’s motivation in his eyes.

“Why?” Peeta questions silently challenging the man.

“There were people depending on me… that needed me. I couldn’t let them down.”

“Was one of those people Effie?” Peeta asks.

Peeta already knew what his answer would be. He had gotten pretty good at reading people in the last couple of months and something told him he could trust this man. Somehow he knew he could count on him to do his best to keep Effie safe.

“Yes”

“Good!” Peeta exclaims, patting the man on the back. “Now who wants some dessert?”

“What?! That’s it!” Haymitch exclaims. “That’s all I get!”

“What do you mean?” Peeta asks.

“I’ve been sweating like a pig since yesterday! Throwing up everything I ate and all I get is one lousy question!”

“Well, Haymitch in that one lousy question you told me more about yourself than any other question I could have ever asked.You told me you were a man of strong character that would put Effie’s well being first before anything else. It showed me you love her enough to get better. What else could I ask for? Effie is a grown woman capable of making her own decision. All I wanted to know was that you would not hurt her.”Peeta smiles.

“Hell Kid! You are good!” Haymitch says sitting back, running a hand over his face. “I almost pissed myself waiting for the ax to fall”

“Haymitcht! Language!”Effie scolds him.

“Sorry…Well I will give you this kid… I will do anything in my power not to hurt her. Hell knows I am a hard man to know, but she is one of the only people to ever see any redeeming quality in me. I would be a fool if I lost her. ” Haymitch declares looking directly at Effie.

“Haymitch! That’s the most beautiful thing you have ever said to me!”She smiles with tears in her eyes.

“Yeah? Don’t get used to it” He smiles back.

Looking at the couple in front of him, Peeta is happy they had found each other, in the nightmare that was life in the old Panem. He wonders if he will ever have that kind of connection with someone of his own. Suddenly feeling lonely, he shakes the thought away. Getting up to retrieve the apple tart he had made for dessert, he gladly accepts Thom’s help to serve.

Restless, Peeta walks to the sink and stares out of the window into the dark forest, as the image of Katniss pops unbidden into his mind.

 

\------------

 

She could see him looking out of the kitchen window. Her heart picks up its beating at the sight of him, she brings her hand up to rest over the offending organ. He had always had that power over her. Suddenly breathless she turns and begins walking deeper into the shadows, allowing the forest to swallow her, wishing she could just disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take a moment to thank all of you who have bookmarked, left kudos and commented on my story so far. I find that they help me keep going. Knowing that there are wonderful people out there reading something I wrote helps inspire me! Thank you so much.
> 
> I would like to send a special thank you to Everlark, WhosJazzy, and PaulaHeart, who commented on chapter 5. I truly didn't think I would be able to post an update this week, getting back into writing has been hard, but after I read your wonderful comments the words began to flow. I wrote well into the night, able to finish a complete chapter! Thank you for adding fuel to my imagination!


	7. Chapter 7

The incessant ringing of the alarm jolts Peeta out of another nightmare. Reaching over and turning it off, he flops back on the bed slinging a wearied arm over his eyes. He waits while the, now familiar, pounding in his head begins to fade. He was growing tired of the pain. What had started as a slight pressure on the back of his head was now getting stronger.

  
After a few minutes go by, Peeta feels, the pain is small enough to at least attempt to get up. Pulling himself into a sitting position he gets to his feet. The sudden change shifts the pain from the back of his head to his temples. Wincing at the pounding he turns the light on bringing his room out of the shadows.

  
A faint tickling sensation bothers the area above his lip, but he dismisses it with a quick wipe. Walking to the bathroom he stops when he feels something dripping out of his nose onto the carpet below, bringing his fingers up to his face and gingerly touching the area, his fingers come away with what could only be blood on his hands. Once in the bathroom he looks at himself in the mirror above the sink. The metallic smell of blood floods his nostrils. The taste of it was in his mouth, the red warm flow ran down his face dripping into the sink.

  
Turning on the water, he washes his face. This was new, perhaps he should definitely call the doctor now. A couple of minutes pass by and the flow of blood was not stopping. Peeta reaches for a towel and presses it up to his nose. He walks out of the bathroom and comes to a stop; there was blood on the floor and bed sheets. How long had his nose been bleeding?

  
He hears the door opening downstairs. It must be Rory. Quickly gathering his bed sheets he uses them to clean the blood off the floor, before stuffing them into the closet to wash later. He steps into the shower and washes as much of the blood he could away from his hair and his body.

  
The blood had finally stopped flowing by the time Peeta gets out of the shower. His heart was beating wildly in fear. What was happening to him? Sitting on the bed with a towel wrapped around him he takes a moment to collect his thoughts. He was scared now…something was happening to him. Lifting his eyes to look into the mirror above his dresser, he takes in his pale complexion and the discoloration under his eyes.

  
He thought that was all due to his lack of sleep, but maybe there was something else.

  
“Peeta!” Rory calls up the stairs to him. “Thom is here!”

  
“I will be right there!” he calls back.

  
Remembering today was the day they began construction on James’s home Peeta begins dressing. Wearing, a dark green shirt, well worn pants and his sturdiest boots, Peeta deems himself ready for the hard day ahead. Walking out of his room, he makes his way down the stairs and into the warmth of the bakery kitchen. Thanking Rory as he hands him a thermos with hot tea and warm bread, he greets his friends “Good morning”

  
“Rory are you going to be ok all on your own today?”Peeta asks the teenager apprehensively.

  
“Yes, Peeta. We have gone over all of this twice before.”

  
“Well maybe a third time would not be bad.”He tells the boy.

  
Rolling his eyes Rory proceeds to list the chores for the day. “The bakery will be closed today but I will bake bread and pies during the morning and bring them over to the Johnson’s land around noon. Same thing for dinner, after that I’m free to go.”

  
Peeta smiles at this young man he has come to trust. “Ok, I will get out of your hair.”

  
“Finally!” Rory exclaims as he and Thom walk out the door.

  
Thom chuckles as the door closes and the sound of Rory’s voice comes through proclaiming “I am the boss today!”

  
“Ready Peeta?”

  
“Yes ready.”

  
They begin walking in the dark before sunrise; they soon are joined by other men and women ready to begin working. There was a sense of celebration this morning, a feeling of an entire community coming together for the good of one of them.

  
By the time they make it to the Johnson’s land most of the townspeople had gathered there, able-bodied men and women waiting for Thom’s instructions. Peeta could see children sleeping on blankets on the ground with a few of the older generation watching over them.

  
Tables were being set up under a tree and a fire was being started close to them. This was where the food would be served. There were rows of home cooked meals brought by those present to share with their neighbors. Commanded by Greasy Sae laughter soon rang among those present.

  
The Johnson’s land, big and fertile, perfect for a small farm, had become the center of their community that day. Peeta was glad he was a part of it… a part of this small district.

  
“Thom! Peeta!”Peeta turns at the sound of his name and smiles as James approaches them with Anabelle, his wife.

  
“James! Anabelle! Good morning!” he greets them.

  
“That it is, my friend!” James reaches them shaking their hands. “It’s a very good morning! We are so happy everyone is here.”

  
James draws an arm around his wife and brings his other hand to caress her rounded belly. Anabelle smiles at them and places her hand above her husband’s “I am so relieved to be able to finally get a roof over our heads before this little one gets here.”

Peeta feels a pang of longing around his heart. He wonders if the old him had wanted children? Suddenly the image of a young girl with dark braids running after her blond headed brother pops into his mind. Did he want children? He wonders. Pushing the thought away, Peeta tunes into the conversation.

  
“Yes, almost everyone is here. We are all waiting for your instructions my friend.” James tells Thom.

  
“OK” Thom walks over to one of the tables and climbs on top. “Everyone gather around. The sun is coming up and we could begin to work, but first I need our team leaders to raise your hands. There, now everyone choose a team leader and they will guide you, they know what to do.” Thom stops talking as James climbs on the wooden table as well.

  
“Good Morning Everyone! Anabelle and I would like to thank every one of you for coming here today. As you all know we came here from district 11 trying to find a home. And today for the first time we can say we are home…home with all of you. Thank you, so much for embracing us and making us feel welcome!”

  
Peeta is startled, he had never thought to ask James where he had come from. He always assumed he was from here. He looks around and wonders how many were actual survivors of district twelve and how many came from other parts of Panem. Then again, that didn’t matter anymore, he knows of the more than eight hundred survivors of the bombings, only a few chose to return. Whoever wanted to be here, belonged here.

  
“Peeta!” he turns at the sound of Effie’s voice.

  
“I thought I would never be able to find you! There are so many people here.” Effie hugs him, wearing pants, a rolled up man’s shirt, and boots, Effie was ready to work. He smiles at her, she had embraced district twelve wholeheartedly. She loops an arm around his and begins pulling him through the crowd of people searching for a team. “Come! We are working together! It will give my boys time to bond.”

  
“Bond? With Haymitch?” Peeta smiles, this should be interesting.

  
“Yes! I want my family to get along, and that means bonding.”She states as she searches for Haymitch.

  
Peeta lets himself be pulled to the edge of the crowd, where he could see Haymitch talking to someone. He was getting ready to greet him when the person standing next to him comes into view. Later Peeta would not be able to say what Effie talked about or if he agreed to anything. His eyes kept straying to the woman standing next to him. She looked tired. He wondered if she had been having as hard a time sleeping as he had.

 

\--------

  
Katniss couldn’t meet his eyes. She knew coming here would put her in contact with him, but she owed it these people…they had lost everything because of her. Stealing a glance his way, her breath leaves her body as his eyes meet hers. Afraid of what he might read in them she quickly glances down to stare at her boots, scuffed and worn down by years of use, wishing she could be anywhere else instead.

She nods at whatever Haymitch was saying, trying to avoid the boy standing so close to her.

  
Thom approaches them with a ready smile. “Ok, you four are working with me. Follow me and I will put you to work.”

  
They follow him as he cuts a path through the crowd. Haymitch and Effie walk ahead of her as Peeta steps next to her.

 

\------

  
Something seemed familiar here… _Effie walks ahead wearing one of her intricate capitol designs. The crowd parts to let them in, looking at them, reaching out to touch them. He tried to remember these people were not to blame, they didn’t know any better. Just like them they were pets to those in power. To do and say as they pleased. The smell of roses gets stronger the closer they get to the mansion. The synthetic, unnatural smell was everywhere threatening to choke him._

  
The image fades replaced by the pounding behind his eyes. The headache was back. He stumbles a little as he tries to concentrate on placing one foot in front of the other, hoping not to draw any attention to himself.

  
“Peeta?” _Katniss?_ Her voice reaches him out of the fog of pain that has taken a hold of his mind. “Peeta?”

  
Her voice whispers his name more urgently this time. The world comes back into focus as the pain begins to recede.

“Yes?” he asks bringing a hand to his nose, relieved to see he wasn’t bleeding.

“Are you ok?”She whispers

“Yes, I’m fine nothing to worry about.” He whispers back as they reach the side of what will soon be the house. Thom turns and smiles at them.

 

\-----

  
He didn’t look well. What was wrong with him? He was looking pale and there were shadows under his eyes. From lack of sleep? Or something else? Desperately she looks at Haymitch wondering if he sees what she sees. But he is paying attention to whatever Thom was saying.

  
He had stumbled back there, was his leg giving him trouble? Worried she stops herself as she begins to reach out to him. What was she doing? She didn’t have a right to touch him anymore. To him she was the stranger who spurned his offer of friendship.

  
Pushing her worries to the back of her mind she turns to Haymitch and grabbing him by the arm she pulls him away from the crowd. Stopping as soon as they are out of earshot, she turns on him.

  
“What are you and Effie playing at Haymitch?!”

  
“What do you mean sweetheart?” he asks straightening his shirt.

  
“You know exactly what I mean! This goes against everything Dr. Aurelious said.” She whispers harshly, stealing a glance behind him; where Peeta and Effie were quietly listening to Thom speak. “How is this helping him? You know we can’t be around him? You know I can’t be around him?”

  
“Well, sweetheart…Effie and I discussed this and…”

“No! I’m tired of everyone telling me what is good or bad for me! What else do you want from me! I already gave him up!” she exclaims willing the tears away. “I can’t be around him Haymitch! I can’t breathe when he is around!”

  
“I’m sorry sweetheart, we thought that since…”

  
“Listen to me Haymitch, stop budding into my life!”Katniss interrupts him unwilling to listen to anything he has to say. “I am not good for him. He is doing fine without me in his life. This way he could find someone who could love him, someone who is not broken, someone good like him.”

  
“Oh! And how would that make you feel?” Haymitch rounds up on her. “Would it make you happy to see him with another woman? Loving another woman?”

  
Katniss turns away to hide the tears threatening to fall. “Yes… he deserves better than me.”

  
Taking a slow calming breath Haymitch walks behind her. “I’m sorry…” He whispers ashamed of his outburst. “Listen, sweetheart. Effie and I are making a go of whatever our deal is. She cares about that boy as do I, but we care about you as well. You two are the only family we have left. Why not find some common ground where you two could make it work somehow?”

  
Angry at what he was suggesting, she turns to him. “Where was this talk when we were in the Capitol? When all of you convinced me to let him go? That if I stayed in his life I would only hurt him.”

Wincing at her words, Haymitch looks down. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m afraid we might have been wrong to keep you two apart.”

  
Looking at the man in front of her, Katniss, can’t help but want to rail at him, for forcing her to do something she hadn’t wanted to do. But she was just as guilty as they were. She had allowed herself to be pulled away. She hadn’t fought enough to stay with him, to help him get better. She can only imagine his fear at waking up in a world he didn’t know, looking for a familiar face, looking for answers she could have provided. But, they were right, letting him go was and still is hard, but staying would have meant hurting him. He has suffered enough because of her.

  
“Listen Haymitch, I will be civil to him, but that is all. He is better without me in his life.” She tells him.

  
“Even if you still love him?”

  
“Wasn’t it you who told me If I loved him, I had to let him go…”She tells him angry at him once again. “Well this is me loving him. I let him go a long time ago.”

  
“Loving also means staying and working through the hard times, sweetheart.”

  
“Ahhh! I hate you Haymitch!” she yells throwing her arms in the air and walking away to join their crew.

 

\---

  
It’s well into the morning when Katniss, hammer in hand, stands back proud of the work they had done. The framing was up and the crews were standing down waiting for the foreman to inspect the structure. Forgetting herself she turns smiling to the man who has worked quietly next to her for the last few hours.

  
Not finding him there her eyes search for him in the crowd. A little girl no older than twelve has walked up to him offering him a drink out of a wooden pail. Smiling in thanks he takes the cup she offers, and tilting his head back takes a generous drink. Katniss watches the color drain out of his face. Was he in pain?

  
You wouldn’t know it by looking at him. He jokes quietly with the little girl and turns to take a seat, on the floor, by Effie and Haymitch. His eyes meet hers and she quickly looks away.

  
Working side by side with him, she had tried to remain indifferent, but his presence makes it impossible. He was everywhere she turned. The brush of his hand as they both reached for nails at the same time. His warmth embraced her as he caught her in his arms when she lost her footing. His scent stayed with her once he set her on her feet.

  
Her eyes search him out once more, He stares at the ground, his knees drawn up, his arms resting over them. What was she doing watching him? For that matter what was she doing here? Acting like everything was normal? Like she didn’t know him? What were they all doing?

  
Angry she leaves and joins James’s crew. They smile at her and with the foreman’s approval begin working on the new walls.

Katniss can feel his eyes on her but she tries her best to ignore it, the minutes, the hours tick by until a bell rings. “That’s lunch everybody!” Thom yells.

She wants to tell them not to stop. Don’t they know if she stops she will start thinking? But work stops completely on the house. Everyone glad for the hour of rest they have earned.

  
Looking around, lost in the crowd, Katniss looks longingly to the forest. Should she make a break for it? Would they forgive her if she does? Knowing she couldn’t leave until the work was done. Katniss begins walking toward the food line forming under the tree.

Not really feeling hungry, she waits her turn anyway. She needed the energy if she was going to make it the rest of the day. When her turn comes Katniss accepts a plate laden with potatoes and corn, fried chicken and warm bread. Thanking Greasy Sae, she turns to look for a place to sit. Spotting Hazelle sitting with Posy and a sleeping Vick, she makes her way to her.

“Katniss!” Hazelle says making room for her on the blanket. “Come sit with us.”

With a smile Katniss lowers herself next to the Hawthorne family. It had been difficult, at first, not to think of Gale whenever she ran into them, but little by little she had been able to separate her feelings for him and his family. After all, they had been part of their own made up family once upon a time.

“How’s construction going?” Hazelle asks.

  
“Fine.”She smiles looking down at her plate. A small hand softly pats her on her back as Posy, now ten years old, hugs her.

  
“I know we are not supposed to know him, because it will be bad for him. But you can still love him in secret Katniss.”

  
Tears gather in her eyes as she accepts this child’s embrace. Yes she could still love him in secret.

 

\-----

  
She was sad. He could tell from where he sat, with Effie and Haymitch eating lunch, she needed the hug Posy was giving her. He was glad someone could give her comfort even if he wasn’t allowed to.

  
“That’s it!” Effie exclaims getting on her feet.

  
“Effie let the girl be!” Haymitch stops her taking a hold of her hand.

  
“But Haymitcht, I want her with us… she needs us.”She whispers her blue eyes swimming in tears.

  
“We shouldn’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, you know that.”Haymitch tells her coaxing her back on the blanket they had spread on the floor.

  
Peeta looks between them and it dawns on him, that Effie and Haymitch loved Katniss and his presence was keeping her away from them. Standing up he quickly gathers his plate and lets them know he was going to help Rory.

  
He walks away ready to be put to work, anything to keep his mind occupied. Suddenly the pain was back behind his eyes, feeling warmth on his lip again, he knows instantly what it was. Leaving his plate on a wooden crate, he quickly veers away into the woods. Hoping no one noticed how frantic he actually felt. Reaching for the handkerchief he was smart enough to carry, he brings it to his nose as he comes to rest under a tree.

  
Not good, this was definitely not good. The world suddenly becomes bright, too bright for his eyes to focus. Sitting down he leans his back on the tree.

  
_“Peeta!” The voice echoes through the forest. He had to find her, but he couldn’t move. There was blood on his hands.  How could he have done this? He was a killer. Three were dead because of him. “Peeta!” He was a monster. The heat of the jungle closes in on him. He can’t breathe. “Peeta!” Shaking the inertia away, he quietly begs the man on the floor to forgive him, before leaving him behind. He needed to save her. He needed to keep her alive._

  
The brightness recedes and the woods behind James’s farm come into focus. Peeta grabs his head and quiets the scream rising. Was that a memory of the war? Did he kill that man with his bare hands? What kind of a monster was he? He didn’t want to remember anymore. He was afraid to remember.

  
Breathing deeply he tries to put all the coping skills Dr. Aurelious taught him to use. He hadn’t had one of these attacks in a very long time. He thought he had his anxiety under control. _In and out, concentrate on your breathing, clear you mind._

  
Little by little his heart returns to normal, and soon his breathing does as well. Exhausted Peeta lies down on the forest floor. He needed to call Dr. Aurelious as soon as he made it home.

  
\-----

  
Peeta! Katniss’s eyes frantically search the crowd for him, where was he? Making her way through the people gathered ready to begin working again. Katniss releases the breath she was holding when she sees him coming out of the woods.  
Watching him walk to the house Peeta resumes working as others soon join him. Picking up a hammer she tries to set her mind on the work ahead, but she was worried. Something was not right.

  
\----

  
Peeta works hard. His mind numb to anything but the work in front of him. There was nothing he could do today; by the time he made it back it would be too late to call Dr. Aurelious, and tomorrow was Sunday, his office was closed on Sundays. He supposes he could leave a message but…

  
The hammer misses the nail as he was swinging it and manages to land on his finger. Jumping back he grabs his hand and hugs it close to him. Trying to calm the pain he closes his eyes and turns away from the crowd.

  
He opens his eyes when someone softly takes a hold of his hurting hand. His eyes widen when Katniss pulls his hand softly into hers and gently cradling it looks at his finger. His breath catches in his throat when she begins blowing softly on his hand.

  
Peeta’s mind was reeling. Was he dreaming? If he was he didn’t want to wake up.

  
He takes the moment to study the young woman in front of him. She was beautiful. Her soft olive skin glowed in the late afternoon  sun. Her dark chocolate braid hung loose over one shoulder, coming to rest between her small pert breasts.

She was not tall, but then again neither was he. She was perfectly sized for him, so perfect that her head could comfortably rest on his shoulder, without him having to hunch over.

  
He knew there were beautiful women out there that some might deem more beautiful than her. But to him there could never be any one like the woman in front of him. He liked everything about her. From the intelligence shining behind her eyes to the way she hides herself behind her walls. Everything appealed to him. Was this love? Was he falling in love with her?

  
“There” she says looking at him “It’s not too bad.”

  
“Thank you.” he whispers as she lets go of his hand and quickly returns to work. Oblivious to the looks of the people around him, Peeta picks up the hammer from where he dropped it, and begins working once more, relishing the warmth of the sun.

  
\---

  
The day was winding down and the last of the nails was being hammered, when the sound of the bell calling for supper reaches her ears. It was a successful day, Katniss thinks, as she steps back and looks at what they had accomplished. The small two bedroom cabin was ready to welcome the soon to be family of three.

  
There was something poetic about the way the community had rallied to provide a safe warm place for the new baby, the first to be born in their new district. The details would be finished later by James’ construction crew. But the young couple could sleep tonight in their new home.

  
 Cleaning up takes no time as a new energy falls over the crowd. The sun was going down by the time Katniss takes a seat, plate full of food, on a blanket. She smiles at Effie when she joins her, Haymitch following close behind.

  
“Can I join you sweetheart?” He asks unsure of his reception.

  
With a nod she offers him a small smile letting him know they were okay. She might not like him all the time. She might disagree with him for some of it, but Haymitch had stayed by her side, through the worse that life had thrown her way, even when her own mother abandoned her, he stayed.

  
“Peeta!” Katniss jumps at the sound of Effie’s loud call.

  
Katniss looks into her plate as a pair of boots comes into her periphery.

  
“Join us my boy, we need to celebrate this wonderful, wonderful day.”

  
“Katniss?” Peeta quietly asks.

  
Giving him a small nod, he takes a seat next to her. Why was he always so warm? She could feel him close. The air seemed to crackle with his presence.

  
“Here.”Effie says raising her glass. “Let’s toast to a job well done.”

  
All three of them raise their glasses of water to meet hers. They quietly return to their meals when the sound of clinking glass is heard. She looks up as James gets on one of the tables.

  
“Friends!” he begins, clearing his throat. “Today Annabelle and I thank you from the bottom of our heart. You have opened your arms to us and embraced us into your lives.”

  
James’ voice breaks. He smiles down when his wife places her hand on him. “You have given us refuge when we needed it. You have shown us friendship and love when we thought there was none left in the world. We are so grateful to every single one of you. It’s wonderful to know we are not alone, we have you...our neighbors...our family... Thank you for welcoming us home.”

  
Applause breaks among the crowd. Effie wipes tears from her eyes as she takes a hold of Haymitch’s hand. The need to reach out to Peeta suddenly overwhelms her, reaching for her glass instead she joins the rest in a salute to Annabelle and James.

  
“Well, enough of this” James chimes in wiping tears from his eyes. “Let’s celebrate! Mr. Jenkins has dusted off his fiddle and has agreed to play us some music. If you will boys! light the fires!”

  
With this, four bonfires suddenly come to life on the field close to them. People leap to their feet as the sound of old Mr. Jenkin’s fiddle plays the first bars of an old district jig. Laughter rings as one by one a circle begins to form. Katniss knows this song. it calls for the dancers to weave intricate designs around the dance floor.

  
Effie jumps on her feet and offers her hand to Haymitch. “Come, teach me how to dance.”

  
“I don’t dance, I have an image to protect.”Haymitch says coming to his feet either way.

  
“Haymitch,” Effie whispers her voice growing lower. “I will make it worth your while.”

  
Katniss feels a blush coming on, embarrassed, she glances at Peeta noting a similar blush covering his face. Her eyes meet his and they quickly look away from each other, as Haymitch pulls a smiling Effie on to the improvised dance floor.

  
The music picks up its tempo, Katniss smiles as some people become tangled with each other. Laughing loudly they resume the dance. Children run chasing each other and the older generation clap along to the music.

  
Katniss feels the warmth emanating from the boy sitting next to her. The last time they danced together was during their victory tour, perfectly synchronized to a Capitol orchestra in front of Snow’s eyes. Putting that image out of her mind, she recalls, instead, how much she enjoyed dancing with him. How their slow dances became a reprieve from everyone around them. It was just Peeta's arm around her waist and her hand safely cradled in his. Sometimes late into the evening she would allow her head to rest on his shoulder and he would gather her close into his arms. She had felt warm, protected.

  
The music suddenly slows down in tempo and people begin pairing into couples. Some talk and some just swing to the music. Peeta stands next to her and offers her his hand. “Katniss?”

  
Throwing all caution to the wind Katniss places her hand in his and allows him to pull her on to her feet. They hold hands as they quietly make their way on to the dance floor. Turning to him, his arms wind effortlessly around her as she cradles her head on his shoulder.

  
The wistful sound of the fiddle echoes in the field as Katniss and Peeta slowly swing to the music. This was where she belonged.

  
\-----

Peeta rests his head on the woman in his arms, breathing her in, he marvels at how perfectly she fit against him. His eyes water as the feeling of belonging overwhelms him. He found what he had been looking for…he found home.

  
The music weaves a soft spell over the crowd, the couples slowly moving from side to side, embracing their partners. When the last bars of the song echo over the quiet field, Peeta feels her draw away from him.

  
“Thank you,” she whispers, before she turns and walks away disappearing into the trees.

 

\------

 

He was back, Katniss watches him take a bite of his apple before going back to his drawing pad. She can see him from her perch high above the trees. Should she let him know she was there? Should she let him know she was here last Sunday as well? Should she let him know that she will probably be here every Sunday until he finally tires of waiting for her?

  
She just didn’t know. Yesterday she caught a glimpse of what could be hers again and she had walked away from him. She spent the night, sleepless in the cabin by the lake, hugging the pillow he had slept on.

  
Settling back into the sturdy trunk behind her, she hugs her knees close to her. She continues to watch him as he gathers his things and begins walking toward town again. She follows closely behind, catching glimpses of him between the trees and shrubbery.

  
What if she accepts his offer of friendship? Maybe he could grow to love her once again? There would be no need for him to remember, they could just make new memories together. Picking up her pace she follows him as he breaks out of the trees behind the bakery.

  
Katniss was getting ready to call out to him when a shriek startles her into silence. “Peeta!”  
Katniss watches, glued to the floor, as a young woman runs out of his back door and throws her arms around him.

  
“Clara!” Peeta exclaims hugging the girl tightly to him. Her feet lift off the floor as the girl’s eyes make contact with hers over his shoulder.

  
Katniss turns and runs into the woods, the name Clara echoing in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! that was a long chapter to write. I began it last week but life got in the way, I was able to take it up today at 9 am and haven't stopped until now 9:54 pm. (I did stop for lunch and dinner though, but those I ate in front of the computer editing) I have so much fun writing for you guys out there, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thank you for all the reviews left on chapter 6. 7 reviews! thank you, thank you so much!
> 
> I shrieked every time I got a new one. I am becoming obsessed with them. Every single one of those reviews lights a fire under me and pushes me to write. Thank you again!


	8. Chapter 8

Katniss hid behind the grocer’s waiting for the bakery to close. Why did she do this to herself? Why can’t she let him go? At the sound of the door closing, Katniss waits for what has become her routine these last five days. She hears the footsteps getting closer and as they walk past her she turns to follow. Making sure to stay out of sight of her pray, Katniss stalks the young woman down Main Street, all the way to the edge of town where new construction was going up.

Taking refuge inside one of the empty houses Katniss watches as the young woman greets Thom, a smile breaking over her face, as she reaches into her basket, and proceeds to hand out breads and cookies to the workers. By now the men and women call her by name, greet her with less apprehension than before.

Katniss leans back on the wall behind her studying the woman through the window. Her eyes close when it dawns on her that it was inevitable…One day the town will embrace this girl as one of their own.

Clara continues her conversation with Thom oblivious to the hunter’s eyes watching her. Katniss wanted to hate her. She didn’t want to see any redeeming qualities in her. She didn't want to find anything to like about her, but she couldn’t. Clara was generous, kind and warm. People seemed drawn to her, smiled when she talked, hung on her every word.

Katniss is startled out of her thoughts when a group of children run down the street, quickly flying by the window.  The smallest boy trips on his thin spidery legs and takes a tumble landing on his knees. Katniss winces as she hears the boy break into painful sobs. Running to the boy, Clara kneels on the floor next to him.

The golden glow of the lowering sun catches in the brown curls falling over her face, weaving it with warmth and light. The boy turns his eyes to her and a blush blooms over his cheeks, as his tears seize to fall. She smiles and he timidly nods in answer to her question. Soon, Clara has the boy smiling and running after his friends his pain all but forgotten.

Katniss’s breath catches when Peeta walks into view, all soft golden hues and ready smile. Greeting Thom with a handshake, the three begin an animated conversation. The sound of laughter reaches her ears. He seemed tired but happy, carefree. Katniss watches Peeta smile warmly at Clara. Had he ever smiled like that with her? Laughed out loud with her? Had she ever made him happy?

She couldn’t say. He had suffered her indifference. He had endured her lies. She had pushed him away and drawn him close so many times; she wonders how he could have ever loved her.

Clara was smart and wholesome, untainted by the darkness Katniss seemed to draw. She was everything Katniss was not. Gathering herself close, she quietly leaves the house, her heart, an empty shell…breaking.

He deserves light and warmth and everything good. And Katniss was none of those things.

  
****

 

Effie sits on one of Haymitch’s kitchen chairs, staring out the window, watching the darkness grow. Her heart speeds up when Haymitch walks in the back door.

“Is she still there?” she asks when he comes to sit down in front of her.

“Yes, she is still staying with him.”

“What are we going to do Haymitch?”

“Don’t look at me sweetheart you are the one that let her into the bakery last Sunday.”He reminds her. If it had been up to him he would have left the girl alone. Letting that girl near the boy could spell trouble.

“Haymitch! I couldn’t just leave the girl wondering around town on her own!”

“Well it’s not my fault she doesn’t want to leave! Look sweetheart, you need to see the boy, you can’t hide forever, go see him talk to the girl see if she presents any type of threat to the children and then we’ll see how to proceed.”Haymitch tells her, taking her hand in his.

“But that’s it Haymitch. I’m afraid of what I will find. You should have seen the way they embraced last Sunday. This girl means something to the boy. What if we were too late? You saw Katniss dancing with him, she still loves him. And I thought I saw something in him. Something that reminded me of the way Peeta looked at Katniss before. What is this going to do to her? Seeing Peeta with another woman? Perhaps loving another woman?”

“she will do what she always does, sweetheart…survive.”Haymitch tells her, bringing her hand to his lips.

“will she, Haymitch?”Effie asks tears gathering in her eyes.

 

*****

 

The early morning sun shone through the window by the time Peeta made his way into the kitchen. Running a tired hand over his eyes he tries to shake the nightmares away. Today was Saturday the day Effie helps him out at the bakery. He has missed her this week, what could be keeping her away?

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs reaches him as he sets some water to boil. Bringing two cups to the table, He smiles at Clara when she wishes him good morning. Reaching for some of the left over bread he stares out the window waiting for the water to boil. Tomorrow was Sunday should he go out there again? Will she be there?

“Peeta?” He jumps when he feels a hand on his forearm. Turning him to her, Clara studies his face. “How long has it been since you slept?”

“I slept last night.” He answers her looking at anywhere but her.

“Peeta, I’ve heard you every night since I arrived. You walk the house at night.” She tells him bringing her hand to caress his cheek. “You don’t look well, I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” He smiles “Nothing that a few hours of sleep wouldn’t cure.”

“Peeta…” Clara continues “what about yourheadaches?”

“How did…”

“I’ve noticed. You need to call Dr. Aurelious.”She tells him.

“I can’t…”He tells her looking at her. “He will just make me go back to the capitol and I can’t. I need to stay here. I have to stay here.”

“Peeta, please…” She begs cupping his face. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m sorry, it’s more important that I stay here.”

“More important than your health?”She confronts him.

“I can’t go.”He tells her looking away from her.

“Why can’t you go? Help me understand…”she begs.

“I’m afraid I will lose myself there, that I will be changed, that I will never be back.”

“Oh, Peeta.” She says drawing him into a hug. Peeta draws as much comfort as he can from his friend, but the thought of other arms wrapped around him make him long for the broken victor out in the woods.

They jump apart when the door opens to an unusually subdued Effie. “Good Morning.” She whispers.

Peeta moves to greet her, turning off the boiling water before drawing her close. “Good morning, where have you been? Is everything okay?”

Hugging him close she nods “Yes, everything is fine.”

“I haven’t seen you all week. I was starting to get worried.” He admonishes her after letting her go. “Come let me serve you some tea.”

With a nod Effie sits at the kitchen table watching the girl take a seat in front of her. “Good morning”

“Good morning.”

“How’s life in district twelve treating you?”Effie asks

“Great! Everyone’s so amazing here. This is the first time I leave my district. Who knew there were so many trees out there. there is so much green everywhere. Even the air seems different, more crisp, more clean.”

Effie smiles at Clara, she had felt the same way the day she moved here. "District 10, livestock."Effie whispers

"Yes"Clara smiles "our land is mostly pasture, none of the trees you see here in district 12"

"Based on the new restructuring of the districts you might soon be able to see more trees at home." Effie comments.

"That is true for some parts of the district, but sadly where I come from, it has always been livestock country. Ever since before the dark days. It's in the blood of the people living there." Clara tells them a cloud passing over her face. "Don't get me wrong I love my district, but I don't know, now that we are free to move and do as we please, I feel a restlessness, like my old life is not enough."

"You never told me this?" Peeta asks looking at his friend from where he stood near the stove.

"I know, it's hard to think of leaving, but I feel like there is so much that needs to be done."

"What does your father think about this?"Peeta asks.

"He understands."Clara answers looking down at the table a quiver in her voice."He told me that it was a different world now, that I had opportunities opened to me he never could have dreamed at my age. That it would be a shame to waste any of them. So I left."

Effie reaches over and pats the young woman's hand. "It's scary to leave everything you know behind, but the reward can be a life better than you could have ever imagined, trust me."

Mindful of the sadness in the room Peeta sets two cups of tea on the table, sitting down he waits for the women to eat. He looks down at his own plate, subconsciously pushing it away. The smell of food made him nauseous.

“Thom is very impressed with Clara.” He tells Effie, changing the subject.

Clara lowers her eyes a blush covering her face.

“He has asked her to help him set up a community pantry here like the one she founded in district 10.” Peeta smiles at the young woman next to him.

“Oh yes! I’m so happy to help in any way I can!” Clara tells Effie leaning enthusiastically toward her, her sadness forgotten for the moment.

Effie sits back and listens to the girl that could bring about an end to her hopes for the children. Studying the girl in front of her she has to admit that Clara was not awful, on the contrary she had a Peeta-like quality about her. She seemed happy, adventurous and excited to help.

Panem needed more young people like her, ready to help rebuild from the floor up unafraid of the hard work ahead. Just as the boy was able to do, Clara saw light in this darkness. Hope in the country's rebirth.

As the girl continued with her tale, Effie felt her heart break for her girl, alone somewhere out there in the forest, trying to rebuild her life on her own. Effie had hoped that if Katniss and Peeta could just find their way back to each other, everything would be fine.

But now her hopes for her children were being dashed by the girl sitting in front of her. And the worst part was that there was nothing Effie could do about it. Clara could make the boy happy. Looking at her now, laughing with Peeta, Effie has to admit she might be able to help him find peace. She might be able to help him heal.

  
*******

  
The sound of the knock on the door startles Katniss as she sat there, on her kitchen table, contemplating the uneaten food in front of her. Tomorrow was Sunday, will he be there? Or will Clara help him forget all about her existence?

Katniss opens the door shivering slightly at the evening breeze coming in. The girl standing on her front step looking nervously at her, smiles before greeting Katniss. “Hi, my name is Clara, I'm a friend of Peeta’s… may I come in?”

Katniss steps back to let the girl in. Closing the door behind Clara, Katniss quietly leads her into the kitchen, inviting her to sit down at the table before joining her. Waiting to hear what Clara has to say.

“I’m sorry if I interrupted your dinner.”Clara tells her.

Katniss shrugs one shoulder, dismissing the apology. “I wasn’t very hungry.”

“Katniss” the girl begins. “I don’t know if you know about me, but Peeta and I became friends when he came to work at my father’s bakery in district 10.”

“I know.” Katniss answers hoping the girl gets to the point quickly.

Taking a deep breath the young woman proceeds. “Katniss, Peeta needs help."

"What do you mean?" she asks her, unsure of what the girl wants from her.

“He is not doing well. He doesn’t sleep at night. He barely eats. He gets these headaches he tries hide…He needs to go see Dr. Aurelious, he needs to go to the Capitol, but he won’t go.”

“Has he…” Katniss stops, she knew something was wrong with Peeta. “Has he told you why he won’t go?”

“He is afraid the Capitol will change him… that he will lose himself there. I just don’t understand why he would think that? The capitol is a safe place now.”

Not many people would understand, Katniss thinks, as her vision becomes blurred by tears. She knew exactly why Peeta would think that. The old Peeta was still in him. The boy who tried to stay true to himself when the entire world wanted to change him, make him into a monster. The boy who fought hard not to become a piece in the capitol’s sick game, that boy was afraid. And he had every reason to, because in the end the capitol used him, hurt him, turned him into a weapon, made him fear and distrust those he had once cared for. The capitol is where he was changed and ultimately where he lost himself.

“Katniss? You understand him don’t you? You know exactly why he would say that?” Clara declares studying her with an uncanny intensity.

Katniss looks at the young woman in front of her and nods.

“Peeta needs you.” Clara tells her. “Will you help him?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“You know Peeta better than anybody else anywhere.” Clara says leaning forward on her seat. “I saw you Katniss, I watched both of you during the games, and what I saw was two people who loved each other, two people who would give their lives for each other. His memories of you may be gone but he still loves you Katniss. He might not know it, but he does. He looks for you wherever he is, his eyes follow you whenever he finds you.”

“What is Peeta to you, Clara?” Katniss asks the girl needing to know the answer.

“He is my friend that is all. I have no romantic feelings toward him and neither does he toward me. Katniss it has always been you, it will always be you.”

 

*****

 

That night Peeta stares out the window, exhausted, but afraid to sleep. He was losing himself to the nightmares. He was afraid he would never sleep through the night again.

Trying to keep himself from pacing the house, Peeta takes a deep breath of the cool night air coming in through the window. He was losing too much, his appetite, his wish to paint, his love of baking…everything that made him...him. He needed to grow the courage to see Dr. Aurelious. He couldn’t continue this way.

Peeta hears the door opening. Thinking that Clara must be awake he turns around, only to stop when his mind registers the identity of the woman closing the door behind her. Their eyes meet as she leans her back on the door for support.

“Hi” he says.

“Hi” she whispers.

He stays rooted to the floor taking her in. Wearing her old leather jacket, a black shirt, dark brown corduroy pants and her familiar brown leather boot _s,_ Katniss stood silently by the door. Was she really here? he wondered Or was she just a figment of his imagination? A trick his tired mind was playing on him?

“I can’t sleep.” She tells him.

“I can’t sleep either.”

Her eyes still on him, Katniss pushes herself off the door. Walking toward him she stops in front of him.

“You don't look well Peeta.” She quietly states her eyes roaming his exhausted face.

Releasing a sigh he can’t help but confess. “I’m so tired Katniss.”

Her hand reaches out to tenderly run her fingers through his hair. Her touch was magic.The moment her fingers come into contact with him, the tension that has been building within him instantly disappears. He couldn't help but surrender to her touch.

Her hand travels down his cheek, her thumb ghosting over his lips before she brings her soft delicate hand to cup his face. Leaning into her warmth Peeta wonders how a hunter, a woman who works every day with her hands, can have such a soft touch?

Peeta opens his eyes afraid he was dreaming. But he wasn’t Katniss stood in front of him, caressing his face. She looked tired too. Was she also having nightmares?

Katniss releases his face and lets her hand run down his neck, traveling over his shoulder, down his arm only stopping when she laces their fingers together. Giving him a soft pull she leads him to his side of the bed.

Opening the covers she guides him down onto the pillow. Letting go of his hand, she covers him as she takes off her jacket and boots. Leaving them both on the chair by the door, Katniss walks over to the other side of the bed, the one closest to the window, the one he never sleeps on. Peeta turns on his side watching her as she opens the covers and slips in. Covering herself, Katniss turns on to her side calmly looking into his eyes. They are close, so close they shared the same air. Peeta brings his hand to caress her cheek.

“Am I dreaming?”He asks her.

“If we are I don’t want to wake up.” She answers.

Smiling softly, Peeta caresses her braid as it falls on the bed between them.

“Peeta?”

“Hmm?”He whispers, his tired eyes looking into her dark silver ones.

“Can you turn off the light? so we can go to sleep?”

Reaching behind him Peeta turns off the light. He could instantly feel the night settling around them. The puzzle pieces once again falling into place. 

In a move that feels more natural that any he had ever performed before, he turns onto his back gathering the woman next to him into his arms, as she brings her head to rest over his heart. Her hand travels over his stomach sending shivers down his spine, until she reaches the hand lying lose by his side. Lacing their fingers together once more, Katniss brings both their hands to rest close to her lips. Peeta feels a feather soft kiss on the back of his hand before allowing his mind to quiet and welcome sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit hard to write. If only because the plot for another story kept trying to steal the spotlight in my mind. What is that?! Here I am trying to concentrate on this story and there's another one in there wanting to come out?! It got to the point I had to sternly tell this new story to sit back and wait its turn. 
> 
> Thank you for showing an interest in my story. I welcome and enjoy every single bookmark, kudos and comment.


	9. Chapter 9

The early morning sun seemed to have delayed its rise only for them. Perhaps, aware of the suffering they had endured for so long, it had yet to disturb the stillness of the dawn. Katniss lies on her side, staring out of the open window, willing the lightening sky to retreat back into the night.

Nestled into Peeta’s warmth, his arm draped around her middle, his familiar warmth molded seamlessly down her back, Katniss caresses the arm anchoring her to him. His every exhale tickles the hairs on the back of her neck and sends a shiver down her back as she burrows deeper into his warmth.

She had been here before and she had taken it for granted. She had pushed it aside, relegated it to back of her mind, and deemed it of little importance. How many times had she taken comfort from him and never acknowledged what he meant to her? How many times had she allowed him to think he had no place in her life?

Running her fingers down his arm, Katniss smiles at the trail of goose bumps she was leaving behind. This is where she belonged. His arms were shelter and comfort. He was safety and home.

A bird flies past the open window its soft morning song floating into the quiet room. Katniss wished for the world outside to freeze in this moment. His arms around her, his knees tucked safely behind hers. He was safe here in her arms…she was at peace within his.

“Are you awake?”His quiet voice brings her out of her thoughts.

“Yes.” She answers.

“It will be morning soon.” He whispers his face nuzzling the back of her neck.

“We still have time.” She breathes leaning back into his warmth.

Peeta lifts his head to glance at the clock. “Yes, we do, all the time in the world, if you want.”

Katniss smiles into the pillow…such a Peeta thing to say. “Can we stay like this forever?” she asks.

“As long as you’ll let me.” he answers his arm softly tightening around her.

Katniss surrenders to his embrace, tilting her head back; she feels his warm breath on the shell of her ear, once again sending familiar shivers down her spine. She could spend a thousand lifetimes in his arms and not need anything else.

Katniss wiggles deeper into the bed causing her shirt to ride up her abdomen, allowing his hand to come into contact with her warm skin. Breathless she relishes the feel of Peeta’s soft touch.

“Sorry!” he exclaims moving his hand away. Katniss stops him and brings his hand back to where it lay before…to where it belonged.

“It’s fine.” She whispers remembering all those nights on the train when his innocent touch brought comfort through rough nights.

With her permission now granted, Peeta runs his fingers softly over her skin. He didn’t dare stray higher or lower, but this was enough for him. She was in his arms. She had come to him at midnight, given him comfort and sleep. He felt well rested, happy… at peace.

“How long can you stay?” He asks

“Not long, I need to be gone before Clara wakes up.” She answers twining their fingers together.

“Will I see you today in the forest? If you don’t want to its okay, I’ll understand.” He tells her.

Turning around to face him, Katniss looks into his pure blue eyes. Eyes that have seen so much suffering and pain, but could still hold so much hope. She smiles and nods. “Yes, I will be there.”

His smile is dazzling as he whispers a quiet “Okay.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there before, but I needed to work some things out.” She tells him cupping his cheek.

“That’s okay as long as we are fine now, I’m fine.” He reassures her leaning into her touch.

Katniss winds her arms around him, burying her face in his sturdy shoulder, breathing him in.

Peeta closes his arms around her torso drawing her in as close as he can. How did he get so lucky? He wonders, savoring the feel of this remarkable woman in his arms. How is it that after all he has lost, he could finally find, in her arms, the home he has been searching for?

They lay together, wrapped in each other’s arms, until the sun breaks in through the window.

“I don’t want to let go.” He whispers.

“I’m fine staying like this.” She sighs

He smiles into her shoulder. Enjoying the fact that whatever this connection between them was, seemed to be mutual. They stay frozen in the moment, until a low grumble coming from her stomach, startles both of them.  
He chuckles lifting his head to look at her. “Let me bring you something to eat.”

Katniss nods, a blush covering her face before reluctantly letting him go. Smiling as he places a soft kiss on her temple she watches him leave the room. Throwing herself back on the bed, she exhales deeply. This was right. This is where she belonged.

****

Peeta stands in front of the stove, impatiently waiting for the water to boil. A few slices of bread and cheese waited on a tray by his side. He looks out the window smiling into the forest. Today she would be there. His time with her was not at an end.

Not waiting for the water to boil completely, Peeta pours some of it into a tea cup, grabs the sugar and places both on the tray. Careful not to spill any of the hot liquid, Peeta makes his way up the stairs and into his room. Pushing the door open his smile dies, when he sees the empty bed. Closing the door behind him he releases a breath when Katniss walks out of the attached bathroom.

“Hi.” she says

“Hi” he smiles, placing the tray on the bedside table. “Brought you some tea and bread.”

“Thank you.” she tells him taking a seat on the bed, patting the space next to her inviting him to sit by her side. Peeta sits down feeling nervous all of a sudden.

Placing a slice of cheese between two breads Katniss shares her breakfast with him. There was something intimate about eating breakfast with a woman one has spent the night with. Especially with Katniss… all of this felt right with her.

“I see you are ready to leave.” He states, as she was already wearing her boots and jacket.

“Yes I better, Clara should be waking up soon.” She tells him, taking a sip of tea without any sugar.

Katniss offers him the cup and together they finish the rest of her food. Placing the empty cup back on the tray, they sit next to each other not knowing how to say good bye. Peeta reaches for her hand and threads their fingers together once again. Katniss rests her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for coming last night.” He says softly. “I slept like I haven’t slept in a very long time.”

“No nightmares?” she asks him.

“No, no nightmares, what about you?”

“None,” she answers lifting her head to look into his eyes. “Thank you.”

Peeta looks back at her and smiles. Bringing her hand up to his lips, he places a gentle kiss on her fingers. The sound of a door opening and closing brings them back to the moment. Standing Katniss heads to the open window.

“Katniss.” He calls her as she steps onto the ledge. “You could use the door, you know.”

“I know.” She smiles at him. “I’m just not ready to share you with the world yet.”

Peeta smiles brightly at her. He wasn’t ready either. What he felt was too precious to allow the outside world to destroy it. It needed to be protected.

“See you soon.” She tells him before disappearing out the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had first planned to hold on to this chapter. I wanted to have included their entire Sunday in it, but I changed my mind. It felt right to release this into the Everlark world today. 
> 
> I have planned one fluffy chapter more and then some ***t should be hitting the fan, before leading to the end. 
> 
> I have to thank every single one of you who have taken the time to read my small fic. It is an honor to share it with you. As always your comments and kudos keep me going. 
> 
> See you next time, my Everlark friends.


	10. Chapter 10

Effie sits on Haymitch’s porch, a warm cup of tea in her hand, waiting for him to wake up. The slight morning chill makes her shiver despite her long sleeve shirt. Looking out into Victor’s village she takes in the occupied buildings bursting with early morning life. Those homes, with their light and warmth, stand in contrast, to the two dark silent houses of the children; one sitting empty, waiting for an owner who might never return and the other, dark and quiet, reflecting the tormented soul of the young woman living inside.

Effie can’t help but regret the way they had all handled Peeta’s condition. They should have never allowed themselves to be coerced into following orders. But, it had all seemed more simple back then, give Peeta an opportunity to start a new life, without the burden of being a victor. That was what they all told themselves.

Now in retrospect she was sure they should have never stood in the way of the children protecting each other. It was what they had always done, from the very first games to the end of the war, they had protected each other to the very end. They would have found a way to heal together she was certain of it.

But now it was too late. The boy had found someone new, some one good and kind, and she couldn’t stand in the way of that.

Taking a sip of her tea Effie sighs thinking of her girl. What must she be feeling, knowing about Clara? Effie wished she could turn back time, if she knew then what she knew now, she would have killed Snow herself, regardless of the consequences.

Effie hears the door, behind her, opening and closing. She smiles as Haymitch sits on the rocking chair next to hers. They both slowly rock back and forth, in silence.

“I wish I didn’t have to wake up alone.”Haymitch gruffly says staring out into the village.

“It is what it is Haymitch.”Effie says “Hazelle did a wonderful job on the guest bedroom though. Thank you.”

“You are no guest in this house, Effie. You should share the master bedroom with me.”He angrily states.

“Haymitch…”she whispers stopping the rocker. “I truly don’t mind. As long as we are together I’m fine.”

Haymitch stills in his chair. Regretting the past, regretting how he had allowed the games to brake him to the point he couldn’t spend the night with the woman he cared about.

Effie stares at him, and wished she could help him understand that she didn’t mind the arrangements they had to make. If it meant they could be together.

“Haymitch, I think it’s time.” she says

“Time for what?”he asks looking at her.

“I think I am ready to move in with you.”She tells him smiling at the surprise in his eyes. “We could bring my things today if you want.”

Haymitch had to admit, that some part of him believed, that what they had was too good to be true, and that part was always waiting for it to be ripped away from him. But he was ready to take whatever Effie was willing to give him.

“Okay” he nods “We could go now. If you want”

Effie smiles “Not now, let me finish my tea first.”

She rests back on the rocker and allows the movements of the chair to relax her into a sense of peace.

“Should we tell the boy?” he asks not knowing the protocol for these things. He wanted to do it right for her. “Should I ask for permission?”

“Permission!” Effie laughs. “Haymitch we are too old for all of that.”

Effie stops when she sees the hurt look on his face. This was all new to him, to her knowledge he had never allowed himself to form any serious relationships before. He didn’t know what to do. Well then again neither did she. He was her first serious relationship too.

“I’m sorry.”she begins “We can tell him on our way to my apartment if you’d like. He should know, just like we should let the girl know too.”

Haymitch nods not looking at her. he stops rocking when he feels her standing in front of him. He tenses when Effie sits down on his lap, wraps her slender arms around him, and rests her head on his shoulder. He tries to act indifferent but it was impossible, her warmth and comfort was hard to resist.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers, her warm breath tickling his neck. “I would be honored if you wanted to ask Peeta for permission. If that is what you want.”

Wrapping his arms around her he pushes the rocker and lets the chair settle into a soft rhythm. “It’s not that Effie. It’s just…I don’t want anyone questioning what you are to me.”

“Who would question it Haymitch?” She asks him, placing a soft kiss on his rough skin. “No one cares.”

“I do, I just don’t want you regretting choosing me, when you could've had so much better.”He confesses.

Effie lifts her head and looks into his eyes. “Haymitch, I chose you because I could never find any one better. I have seen you through the years care for child after child, carrying each of their deaths on your shoulders. I know how it broke you, how it haunted you. You could have given up, I thought you had, but when two children needed you the most, you still worked hard, through two games and a war, to bring them home. Haymitch I fell in love with you because of the man you are. To me there is no one better.”

Haymitch brings his lips to meet hers. He lets her soft sigh carry him to that place that only she can. How did he get so lucky to be given a chance at life when he thought he didn’t deserve one? He breaks their kiss when he hears a door slamming close. They both turn when they see the girl walking into the forest behind her house.

“Have you talked to her yet?”Effie asks him.

“No, not yet.”

“She came in earlier, I don’t think she slept in her house.”She tells him.

“And now she's heading out again?”

Effie nods “I’m afraid one day she will disappear into the woods and we will never see her again.”

Effie sighs and rests her head on his shoulder once more. Haymitch was afraid of the same thing. He loved the girl. She was just like him, stubborn and a pain in the ass, and she blamed herself for a lot of things that were out of her control. He was afraid that one day her pain and burden would become too much for her to bare, and they would lose her...permanently.

******

With a bounce on his step Peeta makes his way down the stairs. After Katniss left he allowed himself to fall back into a restful sleep. He felt renewed. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs he smiles when he sees Thom and Clara sitting at the kitchen table playing a game of cards.

“Good Morning, Peeta.” Thom greets him with a smile.

“Good Morning!” He replies reaching for some left over bread, cheese and some cookies. He stuffs all of it inside his satchel hanging by the door. Glancing at the clock he sees he still had some minutes to kill, so he decides to join his friends at the table.

Grabbing one of the apples Clara must have bought he smiles as he takes a bite. “What are you playing?”

“Just some Gin rummy.”Clara answers looking at him pensively “You look well today.”

“I do?” he asks as he smiles. “That’s because I had the best sleep of my life last night.”

Clara sits back smiling at him. “I hoped that was why you didn’t wake up at your usual time today.”

“You haven’t been sleeping?” Thom asks him.

“Nightmares” Peeta answers taking another bite.”Nothing to worry about.”

Thom’s next statement is interrupted by the back door opening allowing Effie and Haymitch to come in.

“Good morning everyone.” She smiles

Peeta gets up, offering her his seat glad to see her. “Good Morning Effie” He says giving her a quick peck on the cheek before she sat down.

“Good morning Haymitch.” Peeta shakes the man’s hand. "please sit"

“Kid” Haymitch grumbles as a greeting.

“Here let me get you something to eat.” Setting the water to boil, he smiles as thoughts of Katniss once again flood his mind. Glancing at the clock his heart speeds up at the thought that he would see her again soon.

Setting some oatmeal cookies on the table, he offers them to his guests. Pulling up a stool he sits between Effie and Clara.

"You look well today.” Effie tells him patting his hand as she echoes Clara’s words.

“That’s what I was just telling him, Ms. Effie.” Clara smiles at her across the table. “It makes me glad to see him looking so well.”

“I’m guessing you were able to sleep last night?” Effie asks

“Yes, like I haven’t in a long time.”He says

“I didn’t know he was having trouble sleeping.” Thom joins in. “If I would have known I could've asked around for something to help you.”

“It’s okay, Thom.” Peeta reassures him, smiling at his friend. That’s why he liked Thom so much. He was a troubleshooter, always looking for practical solutions for impractical problems. It’s what made him such a great Mayor and an even better friend. Peeta knew that he would always have him in his corner.

The shriek of the kettle cuts into the conversation, letting them know that the liquid was ready to pour. Taking some tea bags out of the cabinet, he proceeds to place one in each cup and pour some boiling water on top of them. Usually he liked to steep some fresh tea but he didn’t have the time today. He had somewhere important to be.

Serving each of his friends a cup, Peeta sets down some sugar at the table. He sits back on his stool once he sees that they were all taken care of.

“Have you seen James’s new baby yet, Thom?” Effie asks taking a bite of the cookie, following it with a sip of tea.

“Yes! First thing in the morning! He was beside himself. The house looked great! They were able to finish the bathroom before the baby arrived. A beautiful baby girl if I might add.” Thom smiles at them. " This is just what the district needed, our first baby!”

“Have they named her yet?”Clara asks leaning forward toward Thom.

“Hope” Thom adds

Clara gasps “What an appropriate name! It’s beautiful! She is the hope of a new generation, a hope the district could make things right for her and for all those to follow.”

“My thoughts exactly!” Thom smiles at Clara.

Peeta looks between his friends and slightly raises his eyebrows in surprise. So that’s the way things were headed. Well he was glad, his friends both deserved happiness.

Peeta smiles at Effie before looking at the quiet man sitting in front of him. “How are you Haymitch?”

“Haymitch! I forgot about you!” Effie gasps next to him “Clara honey, I don’t know if you have met, but let me introduce you to Haymitch Abernathy, Haymitch this is Clara, Peeta’s friend from district 10”

“Nice to meet you Mr. Abernathy.” Clara smiles at Haymitch

“Same here kid” Haymitch grumbles “Just don’t call me mister, please. It makes me sound respectable and I’m as a far away from respectable as you can get.”

“Haymitch! The child is being polite!” Effie exclaims “Ugh! I can’t take you anywhere!”

“Well, it’s true! I have never been respectable, especially last night, right sweetheart? Three times if I remember correctly!” Haymitch teases her wagging his eyes brows at her.

“Haymitch!” Effie cries out, her face growing intensely red.“Not in front of the children!”

Peeta exchanges an amused look with Thom before both break out into laughter, while Clara tries to cover up a giggle.

“Really Haymitch! Look what you have done!”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart!” Haymitch says “I will take care of it. Children that’s enough!”

Funny enough his command manages to extinguish the laughter of those at the table. Peeta smiles thinking he just caught a glimpse the old victor, the one he had heard so much about.

“I’m sorry Effie.” Clara quietly offers an apology. “We didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Thank you honey, that was very gracious of you.”Effie grins at her before turning her eyes to the two boys sitting at the table.“Unlike other people I know.”

Thom immediately jumps to apologize. Peeta sits there waiting his turn. “I’m sorry too Effie” He begs her forgiveness placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Oh I appreciate that, thank you children." Effie says graciously accepting their apologies.

"Anyway it’s not really your fault." she continues "It’s that man sitting over there who’s really at fault.”

Effie leans forward and places both elbows on the table. “Really Haymitch! Lying to the children! Three times! More like barely one, I took care of one remember and the last one? I had to fake, you were just taking too long and I wanted to sleep!”

Haymitch spits the tea he had been sipping before staring at the woman in front of him, his face growing red. Peeta tried to keep it in he really tried but he couldn’t help it. He bursts out laughing and the others soon join him.

The absurdity of the conversation hits him making him laugh harder. This is what home should feel like. Friends and family sitting together laughing and talking, he just wished Katniss could be sitting at the table with them.

Thinking of her has him looking at the clock once more. It was time to go. He shivers as the adrenaline rushes through him at the thought of seeing Katniss again. His heartbeat drumming in his ears and butterflies in his stomach he stands up.

“Well everyone, I’m afraid I have somewhere to be.” He says before getting two of the apples on the table and walking over to his satchel dropping them inside. Slipping the bag around his shoulder and letting it hang loosely over his side he turns to face the people he has come to care so much about.

“Where are you going?” Effie asks.

Peeta chuckles at Effie’s curiosity. “I’m just going into the forest to do some drawing.”

“Oh! well have fun then!” Effie whispers taking a bite of another cookie.

“I will, I'll see you all tomorrow” He tells them making his way to the door. “Clara don’t wait up for me. If it gets too late, I might stay in the woods the night.”

“Is that safe?” Thom asks

“Yes, there’s a cabin deep in there, I have stayed there before. It should be perfectly fine.” Peeta smiles at them. Waving good bye, he closes the door behind him. The questioning look in Haymitch’s eyes staying with him as he turns and faces the forest behind his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After three weeks of writing chapter 10, it became a mammoth of a chapter (14,663 words long) so I have decided to break it in three parts I think. I know I mentioned before that chapter ten would be fluffy between Katniss and Peeta. But there was no Katniss in this one! what happened? you may ask yourself. What I have noticed about moments like these they work to ground the story in their universe, as much as I like Everlark and would like to read nothing but, I have come to enjoy these little moments where we see the characters interact with others, I like them.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much, for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

Katniss sits high above the trees, her view unobstructed for miles around. Surrounded by old sycamores and strong pines, the wind softly rustling the green leaves, she rests her head against the tree where she has waited for him so many times before.

Breathing in the fresh air, she sighs as the song of a bluebird filters into her mind. Turning her face toward the warm sun, she realizes it was close to noon. With butterflies in her stomach she begins her descent. Carefully stepping on each branch, as her father taught her, she soon finds herself on the ground.

She turns at the sound of someone braking out of the foliage and into the small clearing. _He was here!_ Her heart pounding in her chest Karniss smiles at him.

“Hi.” She greets him.

“Hi” he smiles, relief evident in his eyes.

Walking slowly toward him Katniss can’t contain the beating of her heart. The sun breaks and shines warmly on him. His blonde curls iridescent in the light. Stopping in front him, she looks into his eyes.

Throwing all caution to the wind she throws her arms around him, wanting him close...needing him close. Resting her head on his shoulder, she heaves a sigh as his arms bring her in. Together they stand as the birds sing and the wind continues to rustle the leaves. Releasing him she reaches out for her quiver and bow resting on the floor by the tree, quickly coming back to him she threads her fingers through his.

“How long do you have?” she asks wondering how soon she will have to let him go.

“As long as you will have me.” he answers bringing her hand to his lips and placing there a whisper of kiss.

With a nod she smiles and tells him. “Forever then.”

“Be careful what you ask for, forever is a long time, Katniss.” He teases her.

“Oh alright, until tomorrow then.”

“Wait! forever is alright with me.” He quickly lets her know.

"But forever is a long time Peeta.”

“It's not long enough for me.”He tells her.

Gazing into his eyes, Katniss reads only sincerity and the earnest glow of a boy in love. Could she dare hope that it was still there? Could he still love her in spite of it all? Could she still matter to him as much as he does to her?

“Peeta…”she begins unsure of what to say. What could she say? They lied to him, kept him in the dark. There were no words that could make it better. Pausing Katniss decides to forgo any talk of the past for now. “Would you like to go the lake?”

“Yes, with you anywhere.” He answers, bringing his hand to caress her cheek.

Leaning into him Katniss smiles and turns to follow the familiar path downstream. In silence they walk, side by side, hands clasped, the connection between them stronger than ever. Could the odds finally be in her favor? Could she allow herself to hope for a second chance with the boy she hurt so much?

 

*****

 

The sun was beginning to set; Peeta sits on the banks of the lake, his back leaning against a tree, while Katniss’s head rests comfortably on his lap. Softly playing with her loose hair, Peeta marvels at the quiet peace that seems to settle on him whenever she was around.

Softly humming to herself Katniss cradles a dandelion between her hands. Turning to smile up at him she offers him her prize.

“For you.” she smiles

Peeta takes the delicate little bud, small and fragile yet resilient enough to sprout even in the most desolate places.

“Thank you” he whispers

Katniss sits up and joins him with her back to the tree.

“That’s your favorite color.” She tells him.

“Yellow?” He asks looking at the dandelion in his hands.

“No, the sky” she corrects him pointing at the sinking sun. “Orange…like the sunset.”

"Orange? Yes I can see it.”Peeta tells her looking out at the soft reds, yellows and oranges painting the sky. “How do you know?”

“You told me once.” She whispers leaning her head on his shoulder.

Taking her hand he rests it on his lap his thumb caressing her skin. “I did? When?”

“We had just both turned seventeen, you asked me what my favorite color was, and I asked you what yours was.”

“Really?” he asks her wanting to know more. “What else did we talk about?”

 “Nothing else that day.” she whispers pulling his hand onto her lap.

 “Oh…”he says disappointed in his old self. _Really Peeta here you had this smart, strong, beautiful woman in front of you and all you could talk about were colors?_ Sighing he stops wishing he could change the unchangeable. “So… what is it? Your favorite color I mean?”

Lifting her head she looks into his eyes, “Green.” She whispers. “Has yours changed?”

“I don’t know, I mean I like orange, just as much as I like yellow or green.” he confesses, feeling slightly empty at the thought. Having a favorite color is a sure indicator of someone who knows themselves…someone who knows their place in the world. “I don’t think I have a favorite color yet. But I think the deep bottomless tones of soft silver eyes are pretty high up there.”

Peeta smiles when a warm blush blossoms over Katniss’s cheeks at the implication of his words. Too embarrassed to keep eye contact, she looks away and quietly whispers.“I could change my mind for blue, a blue that changes depending on the time of day, a deep blue at twilight or a bright clear blue at noon.”

His heart begins pounding at her words. Could she feel the same way he does? Was it too soon to hope she did? But what about her district partner? Could she forget him so quickly after confessing to him she loved him? Or maybe she wasn’t talking about his eyes at all, maybe _He_ had blue eyes as well.

Slightly deflated Peeta looks out at the lake when the fishing pole Katniss had placed on the water’s edge started moving.

“Ah! Dinner!” she exclaims jumping to her feet and making quick work of reeling the fish in, she smiles at her catch. “We have a meal!”

Peeta stands up and gathers the wild onions and potatoes they had foraged for earlier in the day and begins walking toward the cabin. Giving himself a mental shake he snaps out of his self pity. What did it matter if she could love him or not? If friendship and comfort was all she was willing to offer him. He would gladly take it. If he expected more he could lose her, and a life without Katniss in it was no life at all.

 

****

 

Peeta pushes his plate away. He was not able to eat another bite. The cheese and bread he had brought with him they had consumed for lunch on their way to the lake and now this fine dinner was threatening to burst the seam of his pants.

Reaching for a glass of water, Peeta smiles as Katniss finishes eating. Setting her knife and fork on her clean plate, Katniss smiles at him, leaning back on her chair she releases a satisfied sigh. “I haven’t eaten that well in a very long time.”

“Really? Is Haymitch not feeding you well?” he asks

“Haymitch! Ha! I’m afraid he needs more looking after than anyone.” Katniss proclaims shaking her head. “That’s why I’m so glad he has Effie. She’s saving me a lot of trouble really.”

Smiling Peeta can’t help but agree. “Me too, while I was in the Capitol Effie always seemed to carry a sadness about her. It wasn’t until she came to district 12 and she resumed her relationship with Haymitch, that I was finally able to understand what that sadness was…she was lovesick.”

Katniss sadly nods, she could relate after all. “I realized what they meant to each other somewhere before the…” Katniss pauses, should she talk about the games with him? Or should she change the subject. They have kept so much from him; maybe it was time to give him something back. Determined to be as honest as she can she plunges on. “Before the Quarter Quell.”

“The Quarter Quell? That’s the second time you went into the games right?” He asks glad she seemed to want to share with him.

“Yes,” she whispers leaning forward resting her forearms on the table as she nervously traces the patterns on the tablecloth. “Up to that moment I had seen Effie and Haymitch do nothing but argue. They argued during breakfast, they argued during lunch, dinner was usually relatively quiet since by then Effie was not talking to Haymitch anymore. I shrugged and dismissed it all…I had bigger things to worry about.”

Katniss pauses lost in her memories, Peeta leans forward in his chair and reaches for her hand across the table. Turning her hand over Katniss clasps his hand tightly. “It was the night of the interviews. I was making my way out of the stage, when something behind some mechanical equipment caught my eye. Effie was crying and Haymitch, rough, crude Haymitch, who reeked of liquor most of the time and who had never said a kind word to me, was consoling her. I saw him cradle her face and wipe her tears away. I don’t know what he said, but whatever it was Effie seemed to find comfort in. She hugged him and kissed him. It was clear to me that whatever relationship they had, was deeper than mentor and escort.”

“I’m glad they found their way back to each other then.”

“Me too, I’m glad they had a second chance.”

 

******

 

That night Peeta lays on his back staring out of the open window. He was trying hard to fight sleep, their time together was passing too fast. He wished he could freeze time so he could live in this day forever.

Katniss brings her hand to rest over his heart, feeling the steady beat that lets her know he was still here, alive, and slowly finding his way back to her.

Feeling her shiver Peeta brings the covers higher over them. “Are you cold? Should I close the window?”

“No, I’m fine like this.” She answers, knowing her words couldn’t be more perfect. Yes, she was fine like this.

“Katniss? Can I ask you a question?”Peeta ventures his voice unsure.

“Of course.”

“Why did we never become friends?”

After a pause Katniss answers.

“Life before the war was not like life now. There was a divide between the seam, where I lived, and the merchant side of town, where you lived. Mixing of any kind was frowned upon. The odds of us becoming friends were stacked against us from the beginning.”

“Would I have cared about any of that?” He asks running a hand through his curls. “Oh god I hope I didn’t, if I did I don’t I think I could like my old self.”

Katniss smiles “No, Peeta, you weren’t like that...You were kind and warm. You were always surrounded by friends. You were a champion wrestler who drew people to the stands. I watched you coming second to your brother one year. You could lift a one hundred pound sack of flour over your shoulder and not wince. But most important of all to me, you risked a beating to feed a girl on the verge of dying. You are generous and selfless.”

“Tell me more." Peeta smiles at Katniss relishing her words. "I sound wonderful.”

Katniss chuckles giving his side a small push.

“You liked to play chess and every once in a while brought cookies for the class. Teachers loved you, the school staff always covered for you if you were late for class. Students asked for your help with schoolwork and you always helped them with a smile. Sometimes you would pause whatever you were doing just to stare out at the sky. You could blush so easily and your brothers loved to tease you because of it and you always carried your sketch book everywhere you went.”

Kantniss’s words trail at the end into silence. Peeta stares in awe at the woman in his arms. “You sure seem to know a lot about me?”

“I guess I was paying attention.” She whispers.

“But that doesn’t explain why we weren’t friends. If I was able to talk to so many people why not you?” He questions her hoping she might help him understand.

“I think you were embarrassed or intimidated by me.” Katniss answers.

"That makes sense." He teases her.

She smiles at him, burrowing closer into his warmth.

“You once told me the first time you noticed me was the first day of school.” She quietly ventures. “I was wearing a red dress and my hair was in two braids. We were both five years old and when you heard me sing…you were a goner.”

“Wait!” Peeta exclaims “Are you trying to tell me I liked you since I was 5 years old? And I had to courage to tell you this?!”

Katniss nods. Peeta stares up at the ceiling impressed with his old self. To like a girl for so many years was both extremely loyal and dedicated or completely delusional. Was that why he found himself so drawn to her now? It seems that what he feels for her has been strong enough to last through a war and the loss of his memory.

“When did I tell you all of this?” He asks.

“When we were sixteen."

Wait sixteen?! She was sixteen when she went into the arena, did he say it before or after? Not wanting to bring memories that could be too much for her, Peeta puts those questions off for another time, but he did have to know one thing.

“Katniss?” He whispers “What did you say this?”

“Uh…I…couldn’t, I had other things in my mind.”She answers him not looking at him.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”He reassures her. “It’s just…wow! Eleven years in love with a girl, that’s a long time to carry a torch. I’m slightly impressed with myself really.” Eleven? More like fifteen he reminds himself.

“Well…” Katniss hesitates. “You never actually said love, you said like.”

“It doesn’t matter,” He explains “If after eleven years I still feel the same way for the same girl that’s love Katniss not like.”

“You did notice other girls though.” She says.

“What?! Did I tell you this?” He cries out.

Katniss nods.

“Really?! That’s it! I was an idiot!”He declares.”Here I am telling the girl I’m probably in love with that I have liked her forever and in the same breath I tell her I noticed other girls?”

Peeta feels disappointed in himself again. Did he go out with other girls? Did he kiss other girls while in love with Katniss? Why did he never tell her anything for eleven years? Wouldn’t he have preferred a shot with her instead of any other girl out there?

“Peeta.”She whispers taking his face in her hand making eye contact with her. “Stop thinking too much… you were just being honest. You were a young sixteen year old, of course you would have noticed other girls.”

“But I feel like I was not honest with any of those girls, if I kissed them feeling something for you, then I was in essence lying to them.” Peeta tells her.

“Peeta, as far as I know you never had a girlfriend, I never saw you kiss or heard of you kissing anybody. I think between the bakery and school you hardly had time to think. But even if you were, it would have been okay, it’s normal to explore when you are young. There is nothing to feel ashamed of. We were not together you didn’t owe me any type of loyalty or faithfulness.”

Peeta looks at the woman in his arms; strong, powerful so capable of taking care of herself. He found her awe inspiriting and slightly intimidating. Perhaps young Peeta felt the same way. Maybe he built up this image of her, in his mind, to the point she grew to be high above him and forever unapproachable. Maybe the fear of her rejection and the subsequent death of his dream of her, kept him away from her.

Peeta looks deep within him and feels that no girl probably ever came close to her. The thought of kissing other lips, of holding another girl in his arms felt foreign to him. Somehow he knows that the young Peeta remained faithful to her, at least he hopes he did.

 

*****

 

“Peeta?” Katniss asks playing with the buttons on his shirt.

He shivers at her touch. “Hmm?”

“How have your memories been lately? Has anything changed?”

Peeta takes a moment to collect his thoughts. It’s an honest question. Just one he doesn’t know the answer to.

"Well, there are moments when I swear something is trying to break through this fog I carry in my brain. It usually begins with a feeling of familiarity, of having been here before. It’s then followed by a murky shadow of an image or a muffled sound, that no matter how I try to concentrate and bring it to the fore, I can’t. It usually leaves me exhausted and with a pounding headache. I sometimes wonder if remembering is even worth the pain it brings.”

Katniss remains quiet as he runs his fingers slowly up and down her arm. “Is it a lot of pain?” she asks

“Sometimes it is, I just have learned to live with it.”He tells her shrugging it off.

“Maybe it’s more, have you spoken to your doctor?”

“I know I have to…I’m just afraid of what he might make me do if I tell him.” Peeta says as honestly as he can.

“Peeta promise me you will call him?” She whispers, tears in her eyes. “I just found you … I don’t want to lose you.”

Peeta stays quiet pondering her words. If it was important to her, then it was important to him. “I will, I promise you.”

Katniss nods and brings her body closer to him. Her arm going around his torso she hugs him bringing her leg to rest over his. Looking up at him she leans up and kisses his cheek, before settling in the crook of his neck.

“Good night Peeta”

“Good night Katniss”

 

****

 

“Really, He did that?” Katniss smiles taking the pillow from Peeta and placing it back on the bed. How they had fit together on such a small cot she will never know but she was glad they did.

“Yes, Thom says, he saw my brother running down the road, eggs in hand, being chased by a goose.” Peeta laughs enjoying telling Katniss some of the things he has learned about his family. Little by little they weren’t abstract thoughts anymore, they were becoming real. “John the eldest, was stepping out of the mercantile as Rye ran past, Rye screamed at him to run and John blindly began running. He didn’t find out what he was running from until they reached the bakery and slammed the door on the bird.”

Katniss can’t help but laugh. She had been in that situation before; geese could be very aggressive creatures. “What happened to the bird?”

“Thom says that Gale, Rory's brother, came up at that moment and took care of the bird for us.” Peeta recalls as he straightened the bed covers one last time. There! The cabin was back in order. Noticing the sudden chill in the air, Peeta turns to look at the young woman standing still in the middle of the room.

“Katniss?” He asks

“Uh?” she answers absent mindlessly

“Are you okay?”

“Yes” Katniss reassures him after a pause. “It’s just that, Gale…I know him. He was my best friend…my hunting partner.”

Partner? Peeta wonders, her district partner? Was he the boy Katniss was in love with before? Pushing away, a sudden wave of jealousy, Peeta concentrates on the woman in front of him.

“Was he your district partner?” He asks

“No” she tells him taking a seat on the bed. “He was my best friend, we hunted together before the war, and during the war he fought right alongside me.”

"Tell me about him?” Peeta inquires sitting down next to her on the bed.

“We helped each other for years, we hunted together, watched out for each other’s family, for a time we were inseparable. The games changed all that. I was confused and scared all the time. He supported me the best he could, but he couldn’t understand what the games did to me. How they changed me. But then the war changed him, he became more angry, more bitter. He began helping design new weapons. All he cared about was killing Snow and destroying the Capitol, no matter the innocent lives he might take along the way.” Katniss continues looking down at the floor as a tear runs down her cheek. “The weapons he helped build became more and more sophisticated until…”

Peeta gets closer to her and wraps an arm around her shoulders. Katniss turns to him and wraps both arms around his waist, burying her face on his shoulder before she continues. “One of his weapons was responsible for taking my sister’s life.”

Peeta sits rooted to the bed his heart breaking for her. “I’m sorry Katniss.” He tells her.

Katniss nods as he feels the warmth of her tears dampening his shirt. He sat quietly comforting her until her tears ran dry.

“Where is he now?” He asks

“Last I heard he was in district 2 working for the government.” She tells him.

“I’m so sorry for everything you have been through.”Peeta offers knowing words are not enough. “I wish I could help ease your pain.”

“You do, Peeta.” She reassures him taking his hand and bringing it to her lips. “This helps me more than you can ever know.”

 

**** 

 

Peeta could catch a glimpse of the back of the bakery through the trees, as they walked hand in hand back to their daily lives. Sighing he wonders if it was okay to ask to see her again tonight. Peeta stops before reaching the tree line. Turning to her he is desperate to get one last look at her. He was afraid the realities of the world would come between them again.

“Will I see you again?” He asks his desperation evident in his tone.

Stepping closer Katniss reaches for his other hand and entwines their fingers together. Resting her brow on his temple she closes her eyes “Leave your window open tonight. I will come to you.”

Peeta smiles relishing the feel of her closeness, he nods in agreement. “Okay”

Katniss pulls back and looks into his eyes. Bringing her hands to cup his face she runs her thumb softly over his lips. She sighs at the touch, had she ever noticed how soft his lips were, how lush and full? Peeta chooses that moment to wet his lips, turning Katniss’s insides into liquid fire.

Her gaze travels up to his eyes...The magnetism of this boy was undeniable. She was drawn to him in every way. Her gaze returns to his soft full pink lips and she can’t help herself. She asks him. “May I?”

Peeta nods. The wind gets knocked out of him when Katniss runs her tongue over her lips, the sight doing things to him that had lain dormant for so long.

Katniss’s heart can’t be contained within her; it threatens to beat right out of her chest as she slowly draws closer to him. She wanted to make the moment last. It had been so long. She stops a hair’s breath away from him and looks deep into his eyes…so full of a hunger that matched her own. Closing her eyes she finally touches her lips to his…and she is lost.

Electricity, pure electricity, Peeta thinks as Katniss’s lips begin to move over his. Eyes closed, all his senses zero in to the moment. Had he ever shared a kiss like this before? He can’t remember, but he doubts it. A kiss like this can only exist because of her.

Hidden within the forest Peeta feels the inevitability of the moment. Everything within him pointed to her…This was it. The end of his journey. The puzzle pieces finally fussed together by a kiss.

Katniss brakes the contact when the sound of a door closing in the distance disrupts the quiet morning. Resting her temple on his once again she whispers. “I’ll see you at midnight” before turning to walk away.

Peeta stares at her as she disappears into the forest. His heart singing and braking at the same time. _Don’t go_ his mind whispers, suddenly afraid the world will rip everything away from him…leaving him alone, to watch it all burn. 


	12. Chapter 12

“Peeta?” Effie asks looking at her boy, who just walked in through the door. “You seem out of breath are you okay?”

Peeta leans against the kitchen door. Breathing in and out, in and out, something was not right, why was he so scared? _See you at midnight_ … watching Katniss walk away from him brought him to the brink of losing it? Why?

“Peeta?”

Lifting his head, he tries to focus on the woman in front of him. “Effie?”

“What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

 _A monster, he was a monster, he was the mutt_. Drawing a quick breath Peeta tries to quiet the thoughts in his head. “I’m okay, just a little tired.”

Pushing away from the door he begins to make his escape. “I just need to take a shower before opening the bakery.”

“Alright, Rory left everything ready before leaving for school, so don't worry about anything, take your time.”Effie surprises him.

“He did?” Peeta stares at her amazed at the boy’s enterprise.

“Yes, the boy is a natural and a hard worker” She smiles at him.

“Well, I think he has earned a raise don’t you think?”

Effie nods before shooing him away. “Go take a shower. Rory left me detailed instructions before he left in case you didn’t make it back in time, so I will open the bakery. I have everything under control.”

Smiling Peeta heads up the stairs, stopping when he hears her voice calling up to him.

“Oh before I forget! Can you come to dinner tomorrow night at Haymitch’s house around 7?”

“Of course” he smiles at her thanking her before rushing up the stairs to shower.

 

******

 

Rushing in through her door, Katniss quickly closes it and rests her head against it, closing her eyes she remembers the taste of his lips, the feel of his skin. She kissed him! After so long, after losing all hope she had kissed him…

Leaving the door she turns to face the kitchen. Her heart leaps into her throat when she sees the man sitting at her kitchen table.

“Good Morning, sweetheart.”

“Haymitch” she greets him, hanging her things on the hooks by the door. “Isn’t it too early for you?”

“I wanted to catch you before you left, but you weren’t here.” He answers her, his watchful eyes studying her every move.

“I…left early” she tells him walking to the refrigerator needing something to do.

“Well...I also came looking for you late last night, but you weren’t home yet.”

Closing the refrigerator door, Katniss turns to look at the man. “Why do you care at what time I come or go?”

“I worry about you sweetheart. Like it or not I care about what happens to you.” Haymitch whispers roughly.

“Well…don’t. I know how to take care of myself out there.”

“I know you are capable of surviving anywhere on your own. What I would appreciate is a little check in from time to time, just to know you are safe.”

Katniss stares at the man who, for better or for worse, has played such an important role in her life. For the last four years he has been there with her, trying to keep her safe. He has made mistakes along the way, but he was there, mentoring her, guiding her. He stayed with her even, when her own mother chose to leave her behind. The last thing she could do was check in with him.

“I will try.” She offers him.

“Good!” He exclaims tiredly getting to his feet. “I’m glad to see you are safe. Well…I came here to invite you to dinner tomorrow evening around 7. Will you join us?”

“A dinner party? That’s very domestic isn’t it?” she curiously asks him.

“Yes, what can I say? Effie has very strange ideas.” He tells her.

“Alright” she begrudgingly accepts his invitation.

“Good! Now let me get out of your hair. It’s looking dirty and I wouldn’t want to get trapped in there.”

Scowling at him Katniss opens the door and points to him to get out. Walking toward her he stops in front of her. “Are you still taking care of that cabin by the lake?”

Scowling she nods at him.

Chuckling he smirks before growing suddenly quiet “Please take care of the boy out there. He's always been the best one of us.”

Without another word Haymitch leaves a startled Katniss behind. Closing the door she releases the breath she was holding. How did he know? Do other people know? That couldn’t be, she wasn’t ready… If others knew that would impose their scrutiny and their expectations on them. It would invite all the things that had played so heavily on their relationship before and she wasn’t ready to share any of it again…she doubts she will ever be ready.

Shaking her head she tries to gain a handle on her emotions, _think Katniss, think_ … Haymitch was smart and quick he must be the only one that knows. She had been careful, calculating every step she took. What if Haymitch knows? Will it change anything? Shaking her head once again, she realizes that whether Haymitch or anybody else knows It didn’t change the fact that she had been given a second chance, and this time she would not lose him again…no matter what.

 

*****

 

That evening Peeta finds himself running into the mercantile for some last minute supplies.

“Good Evening, Mr. Johnson.” Peeta greets the owner as he makes his way among the aisles looking for the cleaning products. He had left the bed linen in the dryer. He wanted everything clean and fresh for when Katniss came over tonight. Just as he reaches for a new scrubbing brush, he hears the bell on the door ding, announcing another customer.

“Good Evening, Katniss.” Mr. Johnson’s amicable voice reaches Peeta’s ears. The sudden rush of adrenaline he feels at the sound of her name makes his heart beat wildly in his chest.

“Good Evening, Mr. Johnson. I’m looking for the toothbrushes?” Her low melodic voice sounds in his ears and a jolt of electricity runs down his spine. How can she have such power over him?

“Aisle five, next to the cleaning supplies.”

Cleaning supplies? He was in the cleaning supplies! Her footsteps ring on the wooden floor, his heart beating to the rhythm. Closer and closer they get to where he stood frozen to the floor. A smile has grown on his lips by the time she turns into his aisle.

“Hi.” He whispers, not wanting Mr. Johnson to hear.

A smile illuminates her face when it dawns on her that it was him. “Hi”

With a blush growing over her face she turns to look at the assortment of toothbrushes. Reaching for one she begins scanning the items on the shelf as she makes her way slowly to him. He gathers his items in his hands and stands there uncertain of what to do. Should he kiss her hello? Should he shake her hand? He didn’t know, all he certain of was that he didn’t want anyone to intrude; this was just between them and no one else.

Katniss stops in front him her gaze traveling up his legs, over his torso, pausing on his lips before meeting his eyes. “Do you have enough toothpaste at home?” she asks.

Nodding Peeta smiles when she hands him the toothbrush. “See you tonight” she whispers, before leaving him behind, reduced to a puddle on the floor. Falling against the shelves he tries to catch the breath she so unwittingly knocked out of him.

“Good Night Mr. Johnson. I just remembered I have another one back home.”

“That’s fine, honey. Have a good night.”

Peeta hears the door closing as he scrapes himself off the floor. She will be the death of him one day. Walking to Mr. Johnson Peeta smiles hoping he doesn’t notice the blush he feels covering his cheeks.

“Hope you found everything you needed.” The old man smiles as he rings up his items at the register, pausing slightly on the toothbrush.

Thoughts of Katniss swimming in his mind he answers. “Yes, I did.”

 

****

 

Katniss slips into the narrow alley separating the mercantile and the apothecary. Leaning her back on the wall she tries to catch her breath. What, Was, That?

Running a hand over her face she can’t believe what she did back there. Walking slowly toward him enjoying his short little breaths, his eyes growing darker the closer she got. Making him buy her a toothbrush? She could pay for her own damn toothbrush!

Leaning her head on the wall she stares out at the darkening sky. Her heart beating in her ears, she tries to make sense of herself. She had felt strong, confident, powerful. Was that what all the girls talked about in school? She had laughed back then, thought them silly girls. But now she wasn’t so sure, because she liked it.

When she saw him standing there, with that smile spreading over his face, something ignited within her. Warmth radiated from her belly all the way down to her toes. It scalded her, burned her with desire to be near him.

Did he know how he made her feel? Was that why he smiled? The door of the mercantile opening brings her out of her thoughts.

“Have a Good Night Mr. Johnson” His voice reaches her ears.

From behind the shadows, she watches him greet Mrs. Hardy and her teenage daughter.

“Good evening Mrs. Hardy, Good Evening Victoria.” He addresses both women with a smile. Oh it was beautiful when he smiles! It makes her want to hold him, kiss him, keep him safe.

Katniss watches him charm both females. Asking about their day, inviting them to try the new recipe for peanut butter cookies over at the bakery, soon with his kindness and humor he has them both eating out of the palm of his hand.

Katniss smiles at him. He hadn’t changed at all. He still had a way with words, made people comfortable around him. He truly was magnificent.

Bidding both women good night Peeta turns walking toward her. Katniss studies him as she would study pray. Yes, she thought magnificent, everything about him was magnificent.

Katniss feels her cheeks flame when she sees his strong biceps contract, as he adjusts his purchases. What was all this she was feeling? She wanted to claim him, let everyone know he was hers.

That kiss they shared this morning awakened something in her and she didn’t know what to do with it. Should she tamp it down? Or should she let it consume her? Whatever this is, whatever her body feels she knows she has only felt it for him, this was Peeta after all and she trusted him with every fiber of her being.

Peeta was slowly making his way from the mercantile, hoping to catch another glimpse of her, when out of the alley, two hands reach out and pull him into the shadows. Dropping the bag he carried on the floor. He is surprised to find himself propped against the wall by Katniss.

His hands instinctively come to rest on her waist pulling her closer to him. He could feel the warmth radiating from her. Her breasts, two soft orbs pressed against him. Her hips perfectly caddled against his. Home, he was home.

Her sweet breath fans over his face as she draws closer. With a finger over her lips Katniss silences him. Her fingers rake over his hair as he closes his eyes enjoying the electricity running down his spine once again. His breathing accelerates and becomes ragged. His chest rising and falling along with hers, was that her heart or his he felt beating?

All thoughts leave his mind as he concentrates on the woman in his arms. His hands run slowly up her side. He smiles when he feels her shiver. "Is this too much? too soon?" he whispers into her ear.

"No, do whatever you like I trust you" she sighs.

Looking deep into her eyes he knows it's true. He begins to trace the plains and valleys of her back. It was good it was a warm night, too hot for her leather jacket. His hands continue their torturous exploration down her back until he stops and holds his breath, wanting to cup the soft fleshy mounds of her buttocks.

Katniss freezes when his hands stop on the hollow of her back. _Lower_ her mind whispers, but she knows he won’t, this was Peeta after all. It’s what she loved most about him. His willingness to let her set the pace, never asking for anything and always giving.

Lifting her face she stares through hooded eyes into his and nods. She exhales when his hands mold themselves to her roundness. Unable to take anymore she crashes her lips into his. This kiss more wild, more primal than any they have shared before leaves her wanting more.

His groan of pleasure makes her feel powerful, invincible. Bringing his hands to cup her face, he smiles before kissing her one more time. Katniss moans when he over powers her and turns her so her back was to the wall now. The change in position allows her to run her hands over him however she wanted. He was hers no one else’s. When her hands splay over his buttocks mimicking his touch, Peeta groans from so deep within him she could feel it to her bones. Peeta steps back bringing their kiss to an end.

Breathing raggedly Peeta smiles into her eyes “I…think…we need to stop.”

Knowing the truth of his words Katniss nods. Panting she agrees with him. “Yes…see you at midnight?”

Smiling Peeta nods and quickly kissing her one last time he murmurs a quiet “see you at midnight.” Before bending down to pick up his bag and disappearing into the street. Katniss leans her head back on the wall and releasing a sigh smiles at the sky. She pushes herself off the wall and wills her wobbly legs to hurry home.

 

*****

 

Peeta closes the door to his bedroom leaning against it he smiles. _See you at midnight..._ yes he will see her soon. Reaching for the cleaning supplies he just bought he begins to make everything ready for Katniss. _See you at midnight,_ throwing clean linens on the bed Peeta makes quick work of straitening his room.

Moving to the bathroom he cleans it, scrubbing and rinsing the tub, in case she wanted to shower in the morning. Making sure to leave Katniss’s toothbrush next to his Peeta smiles at himself in the mirror. _See you at midnight_ , the smile falling from his lips, Peeta stares at himself in the mirror, _See you at midnight_ , how can four words hold so much promise yet fill him with uncertainty and fear at the same time? _See you at midnight._

What was going on? _See you at midnight_ a flash of light suddenly blinds him, He clutches his head, the overwhelming burst of pain in his brain knocks him down on his knees. _See you at midnight_ , the room becomes humid making it hard to breathe. It was hot, so hot!

The sounds of running footsteps coming from all directions have him turning left and right searching for the person coming for him. Crawling backwards he feels the cool surface of the tub on his back, helping ground him. He was in his bathroom.

He was panting, he was running, where was she? He couldn’t find her. _See you at midnight_ , the man running out of the foliage knocks into him, sending him into a tree. His nose bleeding he fights the much bigger man off. He needed to find her.

His head was pounding, his ears ringing. He was losing. He had to fight for her, she needed to survive. Peeta shakes, his hands digging into his thighs, he tries to get himself under control.

The sudden burst of electricity in his head sends him crashing to the floor. My name is Peeta Mellark, I am in district 12, my name is Peeta Mellark I am in district 12. The boom of a cannon, a burst of fire in the distance, hands holding him down.

My name is Peeta Mellark, I am in district 12. My name is Peeta Mellark I am in district 12. My name is Peeta Mellark I am in district 12.

His breathing begins to ease. His mind quiets down. His wildly beating heart slowly returning back to normal. My name is Peeta Mellark, I am in district 12.

Peeta opens his eyes and finds himself on his bathroom floor, blood running out his nose, pooling on the tiles. Closing his eyes once more he fights the need to sleep. He was so tired.

Forcing his eyes to open Peeta pushes himself into a sitting position. He looks at the mess on the floor and begins to clean it as best as he could. He drags himself into the tub, he turns on the water. He shivers as he sits on the bathtub hugging his knees close waiting for the water to warm.

Watching the water turning pink on its way down the drain, he feels the cleansing effect hot water always has on him. The trembling stops and he is finally able to get back on his feet. One more thing to tell Doctor Aurelious, he thinks.

That morning as he had made his way up the stairs to take a shower, he had stopped by the phone on the hallway and quietly asked Doctor Aurelious’s assistant to have the doctor return his call. Taking off his wet clothes Peeta washes all traces of blood from them, before ringing them out. He puts them aside to throw in the washing machine later.

Leaning his forehead on the cool tile wall Peeta lets the hot water run down his back, Katniss was coming. He couldn’t let her see him this way. Turning off the water, he gets out of the shower and walks into his room. Avoiding his eyes in the mirror, he manages to throw some sleep clothes on. Leaving the window open, he drags his feet to the bed and opening the covers he slips in.

His eyes close as soon as his head hits the pillow and sleep quickly over takes him.

Unable to move Peeta sighs when a pair of arms wind around him and soft warmth molds to his back. A kiss on his shoulder sends him back into a dreamless sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Katniss lies on her side, sometime during the night they must have changed positions, now his arms wrap around her, holding her to him as if afraid to let go. She’s been awake for ten minutes trying to bask in the peace she feels only with him. But, other thoughts have begun to creep in.

Thoughts of his lips, his strong arms and his gentle hands, run through her mind as the hunger she has felt for him before, awakens once more. It runs down her spine, pools in her core and sets her on fire. 

Her breathing picks up and she smiles as she feels him hardening against her backside. It seemed she wasn’t the only one affected this morning. Turning her head to look at him, she smiles again when she notices that he was still asleep. She had awoken with him like this before. It was inevitable really, he was young, virile, and it was a miracle it didn’t happen more often back then. 

Still smiling she remembers how mortified Peeta was the first time it happened. He had jumped away so fast he had rolled out of bed. She remembers asking if he was ok, but he had dismissed her worries as he hurried to the bathroom. By the time he came out, she had feigned sleep and they had never spoken of it at all.

Katniss reaches for his hand and holds it close to her. How could she have been so blind back then? She never questioned why it didn't bother her to feel him this way. The thought of that happening with Gale or any other boy never crossing her mind, but with him It had felt natural, right. Now she knows why and can’t help but regret the time she wasted pushing him away.

Katniss feels him waking up, hears his mortified inhale when he notices the state he was in. She reaches back and holds him in place.

“Katniss?” He breathes

“It’s okay, Peeta.” She reassures him “It’s only natural.”

Peeta groans and hides his face in her hair. “It’s so embarrassing.”

“Why? You are young and healthy you shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

He chuckles as he lifts his face and whispers into her ear. “Well at least it’s good to know I’m not completely broken.”

“What do you mean? It has happened before right?”

“Well…In my mind I instinctively know it has happened before.. But since I woke up in the hospital all of this has been… inactive” Peeta answers his face blushing. “Dr. Aurelious thought it could be a side effect of the medicines I was given, or just trauma my head suffered. Either way he said to give it time.”

Katniss smiles feeling selfishly relieved that in the years they have been apart there have been no other girls. For her there has been no one else, there could never be anyone else. Feeling reckless, empowered, she wiggles her hips a little. “Things seem fine to me.”

“You are killing me Katniss.” He sighs tightening his arm around her.

Turning around Katniss settles her hips so he rests against her. Her heart beating faster she looks into his eyes and whispers boldly. “It’s okay, I feel the same way.”

With a low growl Peeta crashes against her, pushing her back into the bed. His lips have finally connected with hers when the knock on the door startles them. “Yes?” he asks

“Sorry to bother you Peeta.”Rory answers trough the door. “But it’s almost nine o’clock and Mr. Michaels is here to pick up his order and it’s not ready.”

Peeta looks down into Katniss’s eyes with regret. Her eyes mirror his as she smiles. “Tell him to give me fifteen minutes. I need to grab a quick shower.”

Peeta hears the footsteps retreating as he rolls away from Katniss. Covering himself with a pillow, he concentrates on inhaling and exhaling trying to calm himself down.

Katniss smiles at his discomfort; rolling toward him she rests her chin on his shoulder as she kisses his cheek.

“Sorry” he whispers glancing at the clock “I must have forgotten to set the alarm last night.”

“It’s okay.I don’t mind sleeping in with you.” she tells him “I need to go too, Haymitch asked me to hunt down a turkey for dinner tonight.”

“Effie invited me to eat dinner with them.” Peeta tells her drawing her closer, damn the world it could wait. “Will you be there too?”

“Yes” She answers placing a quick kiss on his nose. “I need to go if I’m to have any luck out there.”

Shrugging his nose at her, he lets her go. Sitting up he adjusts the pillow around him. “Well I need to go take care of this anyway.” He tells her glancing down at his immediate problem.

Unable to resist stealing another moment with him Katniss settles herself behind him, kissing the back of his neck. She wraps her arms around him one last time as she whispers. “I will probably be gone when you come out, so I’ll see you tonight then.”

Holding her hands over his heart, Peeta nods. “See you tonight.”

With a final kiss on his cheek Katniss rolls out of bed. Peeta watches her run to the bathroom leaving the door open. He can’t help but smile to see her make herself at home. Noticing his body was somewhat under control he follows behind her. He finds her brushing her teeth.

“Maybe you could bring a pair of pajamas to leave here if you want, and some clothes, I could empty a drawer for you.” He mentions in passing trying not to make a big deal of his offer. Leaning over the tub to turn the shower on, he stands back waiting for the water to warm. He hears a clinking as she sets her toothbrush back on the holder.

“Okay” she whispers behind him.

He looks over at her and finds her watching him. “I mean so you can be more comfortable, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I mean you can borrow one of my t-shirts if you want, or if you don’t you don’t have to, or you can sleep in your clothes if you want…”

Peeta stops himself from spewing more words, before he embarrassed himself, although based on the warmth he feels growing on his face, it was too late for that.

With a chuckle Katniss smiles, enjoying his sweet bumbling words.“Thank you.”

Glancing at the steam rising out of the shower, Katniss looks at him. “I think your shower is ready.”

“Yes” he tells her his eyes begging her not to go.

Playing with the end of her braid, Katniss looks down feeling shy. “Peeta after dinner tonight, do you want to sleep over at my house? Since it’s next door to Haymitch’s, it might be easier to just sleep there.”

Peeta smiles as he answers “I would like that.”

With a nod she beams at him. Stepping closer, she kisses him one last time before whispering a quiet. “Bye.”

He continues to smile as she closes the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to be longer, but I wanted to post something for everybody before this hurricane hits Florida. I hope you all enjoy...now to ride out this storm.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note here: for everybody that read chapter 13 yesterday, I noticed there were some paragraphs missing at the beginning, so I added them If you want to take a second look. 
> 
> As always thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate every single one of those comments, they breathe life into my Everlark heart.

“Haymitch! This turkey is taking too long. Are you sure you set the timer correctly?”

Peeta sits at the kitchen table watching Haymitch roll his eyes at Effie for what seemed the hundredth time.

“Of course I did, how can I forget when you have been looming over my shoulder for the last two hours?”Haymitch complains winking at Peeta.

“I do not loom Haymitch!” an indignant Effie exclaims pocking the man on the chest. “I just know that my way of doing things, is better that’s all.”

Peeta chuckles at the older couple, glad not to be the one on the receiving end of either side. Those two enjoyed pushing each other’s buttons too much. Then again they had known each other for so long that they knew exactly which buttons to push.

Effie stands in front of the oven glaring at the bird inside. Peeta was sure she was quietly admonishing the bird for ruining her perfectly planned schedule.

Peeta jumps at the sound of the timer going off and watches Effie turn off the oven. Getting up to help set the table he glances at her before beginning the conversation he should have had with her a long time ago.

“So I spoke to Dr. Aurelious this morning.” Peeta ventures

Effie looks at him, pausing “Why? Is everything ok? Are you not feeling well?”

“Not lately,” He tells her quietly

“Peeta why haven’t you said anything?”

“I didn’t want to worry you Effie. It’s really nothing I’m sure. He just wants to run some tests just to help me deal with whatever is happening.”

“What is happening? Are you traveling to the capitol to see him?”

“No, he is actually coming here. He doesn’t want me to do anything strenuous until he has seen me.”

“Why nothing strenuous? You are scaring me Peeta what’s wrong?”

“I have just been getting headaches and a few nose bleeds here and there?”

“Peeta! Why haven’t you said anything before! What am I going to do if something happens to you my boy? Do you think I wouldn’t care? I love you.” Effie cries throwing her arms around him.

Feeling like a little boy Peeta buries his head on her shoulder. Allowing her to comfort him, Is this what a mother’s embrace would feel like? Based on what Thom has told him about his relationship with his mother, hugs from her were probably very rare.

“I love you too Effie.”

Letting him go, Effie lovingly pats him on the head. “Now, enough of this what are we going to do once he gets here?”

Smiling at her Peeta answers her. “Well he asked me to meet him at the infirmary tomorrow morning. He says they should have the basic diagnostic equipment there.”

“But what if you need more? Something more sophisticated? Wouldn’t it be better to go straight to the capitol?”

“No, I don’t want to go to the capitol if I can avoid it, I don’t like it there. I’m always on edge there.”  
Understanding dawns in her eyes, before she hugs him once more.

“Well, let’s see what he has to say tomorrow, don’t you worry I will come prepared with all sorts of questions for him. We will get to the bottom of this my boy.”

“But Effie I need you to take care of the bakery.”

“We’ll leave Haymitch in charge I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Would you Haymitch?”

Peeta turns to the man standing quietly by the table. Is that worry he reads in the older man’s eyes? No, it couldn’t be they barely know each other.

“Effie?”Peeta whispers, reaching for her hands trying to get her to focus. “Everything is fine, really. I will go meet Dr. Aurelious tomorrow and I swear that if anything is wrong I will send for you. I just don’t want you to worry okay?”

With a nod Effie wipes a few tears from her eyes. “I don’t know what I would do without you my boy.”

“It’s just a doctor’s appointment, Effie, I’m not going anywhere.” He reassures her, looking into her eyes.

At that moment Kantiss opens the door and lets herself in. Peeta smiles at Effie one last time, before letting her go to greet her guest.

“Hello, my girl!”Ever the hostess Effie quickly composes herself and greets Katniss. “Come in, Come in!”

“Am I interrupting something?” Katniss asks from her place by the door.

“No, it was nothing, come in make yourself comfortable. I will be right back.”

Effie kisses Katniss on the cheek, before leaving the room. Peeta looks regretfully at the woman who has done nothing but take care of him; he makes an attempt to follow her but is stopped by Haymitch’s hand on his shoulder.

“Let me” he whispers following Effie out of the kitchen.

Peeta stands awkwardly in the middle of the room not knowing what to do.

“What happened?” Katniss asks coming to stand next to him.

“I just told her what’s been happening.”

“You told her about us?” Katniss asks her eyebrows rising.

“No, not that” he reassures her “When it comes to that we’ll do it together.”

Glancing at the door Katniss leans in to place a quick kiss on his lips. “Hi” she smiles

“Hi” he answers leaning in for another kiss. “I missed you”

Katniss’s smile breaks their kiss. Smiling into her lips Peeta pulls back. “It’s hard to kiss you if you are smiling.”

Katniss chuckles. “So tell me what did you do to Effie?”

“Dr. Aurelious is coming to see me tomorrow.” He proceeds to tell her what he just told Effie.

“Peeta...” She whispers holding out her hand for his, interlacing their fingers together. Afraid of losing him Katniss throws her arms around him. If he stays close she can keep him safe.

Running his hand up and down her back he reassures her. “Everything will be alright Katniss.”

“Promise?”She begs

Peeta smiles sadly at her, knowing he couldn’t lie to her. Was everything going to be alright? He didn’t know. He couldn’t ignore the fact that something was happening to him. After yesterday’s episode he realized he couldn’t do it alone. But one thing was certain, there was no way in hell he was going anywhere when he had just found what he had been looking for.

 

********

 

“So…”

Peeta looks up from his dessert at Effie. After returning to the kitchen from the bathroom, she had looked better. Peeta felt guilty for putting a dent in her evening.

“The reason Haymitch and I asked you both to come over for dinner” Effie pauses “Was to let you know that we have decided to move in together.”

Effie stops to look expectantly at Katniss and him. Before Peeta has a chance to say anything Katniss jumps and cuts him off.

“Weren’t you already living together?”She asks a scowl appearing on her brow.

A laugh escapes from Haymitch as Effie exclaims indignantly. “We were not!”

“Well you are here all the time.” Katniss defends herself raising her hands in the air. “Anyway, you are both adults why bother telling us anything, you can do whatever you like.”

“Katniss, you are both the only family we have. It’s only appropriate we let you know before you find out from anyone else.”Effie tells her.

“Oh” Katniss whispers “does this mean you’re toasting?”

Haymitch chokes on the tea he had been drinking, coughing he tries to answer her. “Well I haven’t asked, thank you for putting it out there sweetheart.”

“That’s it I’m not talking anymore!” Katniss exclaims crossing her arms and scowling at her old mentor.

Peeta jumps in trying to ease the tension. “Congratulations! Moving in together is a big step. I’m happy for both of you.”

“Thank you” Effie smiles patting his hand. “Your approval means the world to us.”

“Approval Effie?”Peeta questions

“Well, not so much approval, but acceptance. Peeta I couldn’t love you more than if you were my child, honey.”Effie answers him tears in her eyes. “We have been through so much together and in my eyes this little family we have is growing. I wanted to share that with you.”

Peeta looks at Effie, she was the closest to a mother he had. She watched over him in the capitol. In his worst moments she was there to comfort him, to encourage him, push him. When he thought he was ready to go mad with the fear of not knowing himself, she had kneeled on the floor next to him, hugged him to herself and cradled him through the tears and the pain. Looking back at the last few years if there was one person who had always been there by his side was her.

Peeta leaves his seat and kneels in front of her. “I love you too Effie, thank you for everything you have done for me.”

Tears in her eyes Effie throws her arms around him “My boy I would do it again if you needed me too.”

Letting him go, Effie wipes her eyes and smiles as he gets back to his seat. Reaching over for his tea Peeta takes a quick drink and tries to swallow the knot in his throat.

His eyebrows draw together when he sees Effie send Haymitch a look heavy with meaning, her head inclining toward Katniss. Peeta swallows a smile when Haymitch, eyebrows raised, shakes his head.

“Really Haymitch!”Effie exclaims.

Understanding slowly dawns on Katniss and at the realization of what was happening her face mirrors Haymitch, choking on her dessert Katniss grabs her water and takes a deep drink. “It was a nice day today!” she exclaims hoping to change the subject.

“Yes! It was!”Haymitch answers her, smiling at her. “Really nice, not too humid.”

“Yes! There was a…breeze! A nice breeze!” Katniss tells him.

Effie sits back on her chair staring at Haymitch and Katniss. “I’m very disappointed in you two.”

“Effie…”Haymitch says “Katniss and I understand each other. Don’t we sweetheart?”

“Stop calling me sweetheart!” Katniss tells him.

Haymitch laughs “You see! She gets me!”

Katniss nods “uh…Let me help you with these plates. “

Katniss rises and proceeds to clear the table.

“Fine! I give up! We love you both and that’s it! I’m done!” Effie proclaims crossing her arms in front of her.

Peeta smiles, poor Effie this family has proven to be a lot of work for her. Still smiling he gets up and plants another kiss on her cheek, before moving to the sink to help with the cleaning.

Were they a family he wonders? In their own wonderfully dysfunctional way he guesses they were and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Quietly all four of them finish setting the kitchen to right and soon enough it was time to leave. Peeta watches Katniss reach for her leather jacket, his heartbeat picking up its pace. How soon could he leave after her without drawing attention to himself?

“Well thank you Effie for dinner, I will see you tomorrow then. “ She says quietly.

“Good night honey.”

“Haymitch” Katniss turns to the man.

“Sweetheart.” He bids her good night.

With a roll of her eyes Katniss opens the door to step outside, where she stops before looking over her shoulder. “I’m happy for both of you.”

With that she closes the door firmly behind her, leaving a beaming Effie and a flustered Haymitch behind.

“Peeta!” Effie exclaims “Go be a gentleman and walk the girl home.”

“Alright!” Peeta thanks them and bids them good night before hugging Effie one last time and running out the door to catch Katniss. Who was he to say no?

He almost runs Katniss into the ground at the bottom of the stairs.

“Katniss!” He exclaims surprised to find her there. “Sorry, Effie sent me to walk you home.”

A small smile breaking over her beautiful face Peeta waves good bye to the couple standing by the door. They both turn to walk slowly next door to her house. The night was nice and cool. The breeze running down the street in victor’s village making them forget that the heat of summer was close.

His hands in his pockets Peeta looks back to Effie’s house.

“Are they still there?” Katniss asks

“Yes, but they are inside looking through the window. Do you think they can see us?”

“Haymitch?! He has eyes like a hawk he can see for miles around.”Katniss scoffs

“So, I guess I can leave you at the door and return later.”He tells her a little dejected at having to wait longer to be with her.

Looking around Katniss walks him to the front of the house where they are less likely to be seen from Haymitch’s kitchen.

Opening the door she looks around her at her neighbors and seeing no one she grabs a hold of his hand and quickly pulls him inside. Closing the door behind her, she effective shuts the world out.

Her back leaning against the door, she draws him into her arms. Peeta buries his face in her neck as his arms wrap tightly around her.

“This is nice.”He whispers against her skin.

With a chuckle Katniss agrees. “I missed you today.”

“Me too” he tells her. If he could spend the entire day with her he would die a happy man.

“It’s late” she remarks hiding a small yawn. “Peeta, let’s go to bed?”

At his nod she weaves their fingers together and leads him up the stairs.

“I have … an old pair of pants and a t-shirt you can wear if you want” she tells him as she makes her way to the bedroom on her right.

“As much as I love the idea of sleeping in your clothes, Katniss, I don’t think they would fit.”

A chuckle escapes her as she swats him softly on the arm. “They are not mine, they belonged to…a friend of mine.”

Watching Katniss grow suddenly quiet Peeta can’t help but wonder if he would be wearing _His_ clothes or maybe her friend Gale’s. He forces himself to push the question of how those items ended up in her house out of his mind. Truthfully he had no right to be jealous of anybody. She was her own woman with her own wishes and desires. He had no right to feel anything but grateful he wouldn’t have to sleep in his day clothes, so Peeta gladly thanks her.

“You’re welcome” she whispers opening the door to her bedroom.

Walking in through the doors, the strange feeling that he had been here before overwhelms him. That sense of familiarity that he has felt ever since coming back to district 12 felt stronger here.

“Katniss?”

“hm?” she asks turning on a bedside light.

“Nothing” he says pushing the feeling away, really why would he have ever been in her bedroom?

“The bathroom is through there if you want to change. I left the clothes inside along with a new toothbrush.”

“Thank you” he tells her elated at the thought of that toothbrush. It was something tangible he would leave behind. It meant he had a place in her room, a place in her life. Leaving her side he makes his way into the bathroom.

Looking around Peeta takes inventory of the big shower with different nozzles and buttons he would be scared to touch. Walking over to the double sinks where Katniss placed the neatly folded clothes he would wear tonight , Peeta pulls his red sweater over his head and folds it before setting it aside, unbuttoning his shirt he takes a cursory glance at the scars running down his side.

What would Katniss think of them? He wonders feeling slightly self conscious. The scars on his face had significantly faded but the ones on his torso and arm lick their way around his side to his back. Those he remembered took longer to heal; they had required skin grafts that left deeper scars.

Well, he thinks dismissing the intrusive thought, he was sure Katniss was not the type to be afraid of a few scars. In fact she had a few of her own, very faint, over her left ear running down her neck. To him those scars told the story of who she was, of what she went through and how she pulled through the unthinkable, they only made her more beautiful to him.

Making quick work of changing into the perfectly sized pajamas, Peeta brushes his teeth before opening the door into her room. Seating on her bed Katniss stares out of the open window. Her loose hair waving in the slight breeze coming in, she was beautiful. Turning her face to him she smiles when she sees him. Hugging a change of clothes to her chest she stands up and makes her way into the bathroom. “I will be right out.”

Peeta nods and walks to stand in the middle of the room. The soft light coming from the bedside table, paints the room in welcoming yellows. The wardrobe on his left where she probably stored her clothes, stood strong and … weirdly familiar; had he seen a similar one somewhere else? Noticing a book on top of the nightstand Peeta walks over to the bed. Seating down he runs his hand over the old leather bound book.

It looked well loved, something passed down from one person to the next. He opens it and the names of plants and their uses jump out at him. Turning the pages reveals drawings here and there, lovingly drawn but amateur in skill. The next couple of pages bare the same kind of drawings made by different hands with different sets of skills. Were they made by her father or mother perhaps? Or maybe an older relative?

Then the pages change. The ink in them seemed newer, fresher. Where these written by Katniss? Did she add them to her this plant book? Turning the page unveils a beautiful lifelike rendering of a small white flower similar to a daisy, Chamomile the lettering next to it reads. Perfect for treating bronchitis, cough or fever. With an artist’s eye Peeta studies the rendering in front of him. The nice shading in color of the stem, the highlighting of the yellow center, whoever drew this had a gift he only wishes he could reach.

“Peeta?” Katniss softly asks from the other side of the room.

“Katniss! Sorry” He exclaims ashamed to have been caught snooping.

Walking to him, she takes a seat next to him. Smiling at the open book resting on his lap Katniss caresses the picture in front of them, closing the book she looks at him, “Peeta”

“hm?” he murmurs staring into her eyes. A quick glance at her lips makes him forget his name. Nothing vigorous right? Did kissing count?

“Let’s go to sleep.” She tells him taking the book into her hands.

Possibly reading the disappointment in his eyes Katniss reminds him. “No vigorous exercise remember?’’

Peeta scowls at the reminder. “So no kissing?”

“Nope, I don’t want to risk anything happening to you Peeta” she answers him standing up and walking over to the wardrobe.“The way that kiss, outside the mercantile went for us, who knows where another one might lead us.”

Opening the wardrobe she looks around inside for a place to put the book.

“It was intense huh?” he says.

“You could say that” she answers him pushing a chair to the side of the tall wardrobe. Standing on it Katniss reaches up and places the book there. Really? He only looked at it once; he would never do it again without her permission.

His eyes zero in to the skin of her stomach revealed by the lift of her shirt. The sight makes him stop. Her skin had scars similar to his. From her belly button wrapping around her side disappearing into her back. “Katniss?”

He says standing up and coming to rest at her feet, her position on the chair allowing him a better view of her scars. Katniss notices what he was looking at and she self consciously pushes her shirt back down.

“How did you get those scars?” He asks her quietly.

"…in the capitol” she tells him after a pause.

“When?” he asks her, something told him it was important.

“...the bombing outside the president’s mansion, where my sister died.”

 _Prim! Prim!_ The sound of the voice in his head echoes through his mind. A flash of light blinding him for a second, his eyes focus again on hers.

“Peeta?” Katniss asks her voice full of concern as she carefully steps down from the chair.

“I…” _he has to get to her, he can’t let her die._ Peeta turns away from her.

“Katniss? What was his name? your district partner.” _“I can’t. No names please. It’s too painful.”_

“Katniss, I have the same scars as you.” Peeta tells her turning around to look at her. “They run from my stomach to my face.”

“Peeta…”Katniss’s eyes fill with tears.

The flash of light was back blinding him. The pounding in his head returning to knock him down on his knees. He hears his name being called but he can’t focus. Cradling his head in his hands he tries to keep his heart from beating out of his chest once more.

 _He was running down the street. He was hiding among the refugees trying to make their way to the mansion. If he showed his face they would surely kill him, but he had to get to her, he had to keep her safe. Prim! Prim! He sees her! the loud explosion sends her flying through the air engulfed in fire. He had to save her!_ His vision clears and he sees Katniss kneeling next to him.

“Katniss.”

“Peeta! You’re going to be fine. I’m going to go get some help okay?”

“No don’t go.” He begs her afraid of what was happening to him.  
With a nod she cups his face.

 _“See you at midnight”_ _she tells him as she begins making her way down the mountain. Katniss! He was calling her where was she? Was she okay? “Peeta!” her voice jolts him into action, leaving Brutus body behind, knowing full well that if he survived he will see him again in his nightmares. He runs after her "Peeta!" "Katniss!"_

Images invade his mind. _“I don’t want to be another piece of their games.” "And now for the boys"_ Effie? What was Effie doing here? _“Peeta Mellark”_ No, no. His brain pounding into his skull with each image bursting into his consciousness. Flashes of his life play before him, his mother scolding him, slapping him for dropping cookies on the floor. His brothers playing with him after trying to help him forget the pain. His first day of school, Katniss signing the valley song, burning the bread for her, the fear of his first reaping, his father consoling him that same night, watching katniss stare out of the classroom window, over and over his brain opens the damn on memories he long thought he would never recover.

He knew who he was! His name is Peeta Mellark, hunger games tribute from district 12, Katniss Everdeen’s district partner. He was a painter, a baker, his voice in his head morphs into hers and now he was in the capitol, her prisoner, her mutt, _“you always sleep with the windows open, you never take sugar in your tea and you always double tie your shoelaces.”_

All of a sudden his arm begins burning, _he opens his eyes he was back in his cell, there was blood on his shirt, was it his or Darius’s. He didn’t know anymore, by now it was all same, they were bleeding him dry, making him forget. “again” a voice rings in the room images begin playing on the walls of his cell, a needle is inserted in his arm, he screams, his arm was on fire. The fire travels along his veins into his brain, blood begins pouring out of his nose, his eyes, his ears. They were killing him. Please let them kill him._

“Peeta!”Her voice grounds him for a moment in the present. He was in her room, where he had kept her company for a month during her convalesce. No wonder the room looked familiar, the book? he had painted that flower! She had written those words.

“Peeta! Stay with me!”

“Haymitch! Help!”

“Please Peeta you can’t leave me!”

His eyes open painfully, he feels feverish, he could taste the blood in his mouth, breathe its metallic scent. Then he looks at her, Katniss and his mind quiets for a moment. He loves her and he came back for her, over and over he would come back for her. “Katniss”

“Peeta!”She begs him cupping his face. “Stay with me”

He looks at her, where would he go? There was nowhere else he would rather be, so he answers the only word that has always been true for him. “Always”

He registers her smile before the light blinds him again, he feels the pain tearing his skull in half, his body succumbing to convulsions as darkness finally embraces him and he can feel no more.


	15. Chapter 15

Katniss opens the door into his room. Closing it softly behind her she rests her back on the cold wood. For the last three days he has laid on the bed, white sterilized sheets keeping his body warm, machines attached to him.

Does he know how much danger he was in? Does he know that at any moment his heart could give in and she could lose him? One more victim of a world they tried and tried to rise above of, but wouldn’t let them go.

Walking toward him she takes a seat by his side, taking a hold of his hand, she gently cradles it between her own. Over and over the shadow of Snow, of the games, of torture and pain rises from the ashes and is fanned to life by their deep scars. Will they ever be free of the past she wonders?

Her eyes glide over his features, his straight nose, his sharp jaw, his pale cheeks, finally settling over his beautiful eyelashes. How many times must he be taken from her? How many times must he suffer because of her?

Adjusting the tubes connected to his body, Katniss lays down next to him. Placing her head over his heart, she counts the beats that let her know he was still alive. She misses the sound of his voice, his smile, his gentleness…the warmth of his arms.

"Your name is Peeta Mellark, you collapsed in my room. You are in the infirmary. Dr. Aurelious is taking care of you… Your home is district 12…your home is with me.”

“Sweetheart?”

“Go away Haymitch,” Katniss whispers drawing closer to Peeta.

“You heard what the doctor said; they need to take him to the capitol.” He reminds her.

“No, he didn’t want to go. He doesn’t like the capitol. I’m not going to let you.”

“It’s out of our hands sweetheart. The train will be here early tomorrow morning to take him. He will be safe.”

“No”

“Sweetheart,”

“No!” Katniss declares, carefully leaving Peeta’s bed and turning to confront her mentor. “I won’t let you take him. He doesn’t like the capitol. He didn’t want to go. They can bring the hospital to him here. He is a victor, the capitol owes him this.”

“They can’t Katniss” Dr. aurelious tells her coming in through the door. “We don’t have the facilities to take care of him here. I need all the resources available to me, to provide him with the best care.”

“But…” Oh god! She knew he was right! But she couldn’t lose him again. “If he goes then I go with him, I won’t let anybody take him from me again.”

Haymitch quietly looks at her. “The terms of your release won’t allow you to leave the district. Do you want to be apprehended again? This time they might not be so forgiving.”

“Haymitch, please.” She begs.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, the capitol made its decision it’s out of my hands.”

“No! it’s not! tell them to let me come with him, that in return they can have their mockingjay back. They could parade her everywhere they want. Feed her any line they want to. I won’t protest as long as they let me come with him.”

“You are too much of a loose cannon, sweetheart. They won’t know what to do with you.”

Katniss looks at both men standing between her and Peeta. Her eyes fill with tears; it seems she was bound to lose him over and over again. Her eyes spy the woman standing outside the door. “Effie! You are his guardian, please help me.”

Tears rolling down her cheeks a defeated Effie looks up at her, walking through the threshold, closing the door behind her, she whispers. “I’m sorry Katniss. You are going to have to let him go, honey. I will go with him. I promise you I will never leave his side.”

“Effie, find a way to let me come with him please.”

“I tried honey, Haymitch and I tried. But they threatened to revoke my guardianship of Peeta if I kept insisting. I couldn’t hand over his care to people who don’t love him.”

“Effie…”

“I know, honey.”Effie opens her arms and Katniss folds into her.

“Effie, promise me you won’t keep anything from him again.”

“I promise. We made that mistake once we won’t make it again.”Effie reassures her letting Katniss go. “He will know the truth.”

 

***

 

“Your name is Peeta Mellark.” Her voice reaches him through the fog that seems to have settled in his brain.

 _Katniss!_ _I can hear you_.

“Your home is district 12…your home is with me.”She was suffering. He needed to reach her. “Peeta… Please wake up.”

_I’m awake, Katniss, I’m here._

“Peeta, please, if you don’t wake up, they are going to take you with them to the capitol. Please open your eyes. Please Peeta.” The sound of her sobs brake his heart. He wanted nothing but to pull her into his arms.

"I’m sorry Peeta. I’m so sorry for everything that has happened to you because of me.”

_You? Katniss? It’s not your fault. Please don’t blame yourself._

“You have suffered so much for me, Peeta. From the bread you gave me, to now, what has loving me gotten you? Nothing but pain.” She whispers between sobs.

_No! You gave me a reason to live. You gave me hope that while you were still out there, one day you could love me too. That and only that made my life worth living Katniss!_

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner how much having you in my life meant to me. I was so blind Peeta…I didn’t understand why the threat of losing you had the power to brake me. But Peeta, now I understand, I have loved you for a very long time…I don’t want to lose you again…I can’t lose you again.”

_Katniss…_

“Katniss?”

_Thom? Thom! I’m here! Help me!_

“Yes?” she asks as Peeta feels her fingers lightly grace his lips.

“It’s time, everyone is waiting.”

“You can do this without me tonight Thom.”

“We need to explain to the town what’s to happen to him. They are beside themselves with worry, Katniss. They all love him too.”

 _Katniss?_ Peeta hears her heave a small tired sigh, before he feels her lips gently press against his. “I will see you soon.”

Peeta feels her leave her seat. He tries to will his eyes to open. He tries to move his fingers, his toes anything. But his body felt heavy, completely disconnected from him. He hears the door close and he knows he is completely alone.

His heartbeat picks up; he could feel the darkness coming for him. He needed to move, now. A beeping somewhere in the room, increases its tempo. Was that his heartbeat? Was he attached to machines? Why couldn’t he feel them?!

He had to open his eyes. The fog was drawing closer, draining him of all energy. The sound of the machines was becoming muffled. _Open your eyes Peeta! Fight it! You need to fight for her! She needs you!_ He could feel himself being pulled under again! _Katniss! Katniss!_ She was suffering he couldn’t let her suffer...

But it all proves to be a hollow attempt to fight the inevitable. The fog was too dense, too thick. He wasn’t strong enough. His weak body refused to obey. He stops fighting. _I’m sorry,_ his mind whispers as he lets go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this update took so long. But all I can say is that November was a very hard month for me and writing had to be placed in the back burner for a while.
> 
> Thank you all for your wonderful comments like I said before they feed my everlark heart!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's block is so hard to work through!

_The bright sunlight coming in through the window temporarily blinds him, as he turns to look at his father. Peeta recoils when he feels the cool rag press against his cheek._

_“I’m sorry son…your mother…she loves you, but she doesn’t know how to show it.” Peeta tries to meet his eyes but for some reason his father seemed fixated on a spot over his shoulder._

_“I saw what you did.” His father tells him, lowering his voice to a whisper._

_Peeta’s eyes fill with tears at the thought of his father telling his mother that he had burnt the bread on purpose. “It was an accident.”_

_His father finally meets his eyes before patting him softly on the head. “You have a good heart son. It’s strong and kind, capable of great love. Don’t lose it to the harshness of the world. She will see it one day and love you because of it.”_

_“Mother?” he asks_

_“Her too.”_

_Peeta nods as he turns his eyes to look out of the window, closing them against the brightness of the sun._

 

_********_

 

_“Peeta?” Peeta opens his eyes to see his two brothers hovering by the backdoor of the bakery._

_“Rye? Aaron?” He asks rubbing his eyes._

_“Come, there’s something we want to show you.” Rye throws his jacket at him as his older brother peeks his head out of the door._

_“All clear.” He throws over his shoulder, stepping out, disappearing into the brightness outside._

_“Good, come, little brother, we don’t have much time.”_

_Peeta follows him out the door, he blinks to help his eyes adjust to the brightness of the sun. Was the sun always this bright? Leaving the last rung of the back stairs, Peeta steps into a field. What was happening?_

_This was not the bakery’s backyard, w_ h _ere the ground was always wet and muddy covered in coal dust. This field was different, beautiful, bathed in colorful flowers, the grass reaching his knees rustling in the breeze._

_Peeta takes a deep breath focusing on a city in the distance. Clean, bright, peaceful. “Where are we?”_

_“It’s a field Peeta.” Aaron answers him stepping up to his side. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”_

_"yes it is."_

_“Enough of this” Rye says from somewhere on his left. “Today is my last reaping you know.”_

_Peeta frowns, he remembers this conversation, it happened the morning he was reaped, but the setting was different, it happened in the backyard, not in a meadow._

_“The chances of you getting reaped, little brother, are small. Don’t be scared, all you have to do is wait out the next few years and you will be free!” Rye tells him, smiling at him, handing him a glass of spirits._

_Peeta repeats the words he said that day. “Doesn’t it feel wrong to you to celebrate?”_

_“No,” Rye answers him. “The reaping happens every year, someone mostly from the seam gets chosen, they leave and we go on with our lives. It has always been this way and it will always be this way. We have to make the best of what we were given little brother.”_

_“I can’t” he tells him handing him the glass back._

_Peeta looks up at his brother’s sudden silence. He is taken aback by the intensity in his eyes._

_“I’m so sorry, I didn’t volunteer for you.”_

_“Rye?”Peeta asks_

_“I could have…”he continues “I should have, but I was too scared. I told myself you wouldn’t want me to, that you would want to protect her, make sure she made it back safe. But I should have, you were my little brother…I should have protected you.”_

_“It wasn’t your fault, Rye. I didn’t expect you to take my place and I didn’t want you to. I couldn’t have lived with myself.”_

_“I was so ashamed of myself when you got back…I’m sorry I didn’t help you. I’m sorry I pulled away.” Rye whispers, tears gathering in his eyes._

_“I understood Rye. I never blamed you for any of it.”_

_Peeta feels Aaron place a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I was so distant with you growing up. You deserved so much better than you got, little brother.”_

_“There is nothing to forgive.”_

_Peeta looks at his brothers and turns to look at the field they were standing on. He makes himself say the words that have been hidden for a long time, just out of his reach. Words He knows are important for him to say. “I’m sorry you died because of me.” he whispers, tears gathering in his eyes._

_“Don’t blame yourself, none of it was your fault. It was Snow." Aaron reassures him, before stepping back. "we are all free now, Peeta, It's time to allow yourself to be free too.” Aaron smiles one last time at him, before glancing at Rye. “It’s time.”_

_“Time for what?” He asks afraid he was losing them._

_“It’s time for you to wake up, little brother.” Rye tells him._

_“Wait! What is this place? Is this…?” Peeta asks afraid to finish the question._

_Aaron smiles at him as he begins to fade “Does it matter?”_

_Peeta shakes his head. It doesn’t really matter where he was or what was really happening. All that mattered was that he felt lighter…free and his family gave him that._

_Rye smiles at him as the sun’s rays begin to brighten everything around them.“Now it's time to go back little brother."_

_Peeta tries to shield his eyes from the brightness, knowing he was being pulled away. But he had to know one thing before leaving. "Rye! Father and mother?”_

_Rye looks at him pensively before whispering “They have some things to work on, but don't worry about them, they are fine."_

_Peeta nods trying to catch one last glimpse of his brothers. He was going to miss them. He has finally closed his eyes against the brightness when he hears Rye’s voice one last time. “Make sure to tell Katniss the Primroses are flourishing over here, little brother.”_

_Peeta smiles. “She will be happy to hear that.”_

 

****

 

Peeta’s eyes open slowly, a smile fading from his face. Trying to orient himself, his eyes begin to travel around the room, registering the white walls, the curtains drawn over a window, glowing with the oranges of sunset. His brain begins to identify the smell of antiseptic. He knew that smell well, he had gotten familiar with it over his many stays in hospital rooms.

He lifts his arm when he feels the needle attached to it, pulling it out with his other hand, Peeta slowly sits up. Closing his eyes giving it time for the room to settle, he brings his feet over the edge of the bed and pulls at the wires stuck to his torso and head. The beeping of the machine suddenly stops and a long even sound begins.

He makes his feet touch the cold ceramic floor. Leaning heavily on the bed, he feels his limbs threaten to give out from under him. Memories rush at him. He sees the bakery, his family, Katniss singing on the first day of school, in the games, on a screen while he was a prisoner, in the woods. One by one the rush of memories assaults his mind. He stands still waiting for the pain to follow. Opening his eyes he is astonished that he feels no pain.  Was he finally better? He felt better, great actually.

“Katniss” he whispers. He needed to find her. Walking on unsteady legs, he makes his way to the door. Opening it, he looks around hoping, praying he was alone. He stops when he hears some noise coming from somewhere down the hall.

He didn’t want them to find him. He knew they would stop him. He needed to see Katniss, he needed to find her. Feeling stronger Peeta picks up his pace, soon he finds himself standing outside the district’s infirmary.

Releasing a sigh of relief he feels comfort in knowing he was home and not in the capitol. He stands for a few seconds gathering his bearings wondering where everyone could be. The streets were strangely quiet and empty. Turning right Peeta begins to make his way toward the main square where the bakery was. He needed to change his hospital gown and get some shoes.

Reaching the main square Peeta begins to cross it when a noise rises from the new justice building. The sound of voices, reaches his ears… Is that where everyone was?

Walking on bare feet, Peeta soon finds himself outside the steps of the justice building. He is startled when the door suddenly opens and Katniss quickly steps out of the door, slamming it behind her. Her eyes meet his.

“Peeta?” she whispers, her hand lifting to her lips trying to catch the sob that bursts from within her.

“Katniss?” He rushes up the steps, his mind dismissing his weak legs and tired body. Once he is finally standing in front of her, he smiles. He remembers her. All of it! the red dress when they were five. The intricate braid she wore on the day she volunteered. The cave, the beach, the nights on the train…the day he turned into a monster, the day she began to give him part of himself back. _“You are a painter, you are a baker…”_ the day she lost her sister.

He remembers it all. He remembers how his breath would leave his body any time she drew near him. How hugging her at night helped tame the demons in his head…and he knows without a doubt that he loves her…he will always love her.

“Katniss?” he whispers. His hand caressing her cheek wiping her tears away.

“Peeta!” she sighs, bringing her hand to rest over his heart.

“It’s beating Katniss.”He tells her. “it’s me.”

"It is you!” She sobs crashing her lips into his.

His arms wrap around her as he deepens the kiss. His heart accelerates, beating just for her. Her hands rake through his hair and he gives himself to her...all for her.

A murmur coming from behind the closed door breaks their kiss. Peeta rests his forehead on hers as he breathes her in, the forest, the warmth of a fire, comfort, and love, she is all of this to him and more. She reminds him of home, she is home.

“I remember” he tells her leaning back to stare into her eyes. “I remember it all.”

“You do?” she asks apprehension leaking into her voice.

“Yes all of it.”

“How do you feel?” she ventures bringing his hand to her lips.

“I feel great!, I’m back, Katniss. It’s me inside here.”He tells her pointing to his head. “I mean I think I was always me, but now I'm me." He stops trying to gather his thoughts. "Does that make sense?"

She smiles "Yes, Peeta, yes it does."

His eyes trace the contours of her beautiful face, so perfect to him.

“I’m so glad you are back Peeta, I missed you,” she tells him, bringing a hand to softly cup his face.

“I missed you too,” he says falling into her eyes. “Katniss, I ...”

His confession is cut short by the door suddenly opening to reveal a startled Haymitch. "Peeta?"

Peeta is beginning to smile at him when from behind the man he hears the voice of Dr. Aurelious. “Remember Peeta can’t have any visitors, I can’t risk any one saying something in front of him. We don’t know what his brain is registering right now, and we don’t know what he is able to handle or not. “

Peeta lets go of Katniss, to turn fully to look at his old mentor. “Haymitch what is going on?”

“Peeta, let’s go back to the infirmary, now that you are up, I’m sure the doctor will want to run some tests.”

“Haymitch…” Peeta warns him walking toward him trying to peer into the building. Where they having a town meeting? Were they having a town meeting about him?

“Peeta?” he ignores Kantiss’s plea, as he walks through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that took so long, please bare with me as I work through my writer's block. I would like to thank you all for your comments. They encouraged me so much as I stared at the blank screen. (It's what got me to finally get through this chapter) thank you all for reading.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can hardly believe I started this story a year ago! It's been quite a journey!

Pushing the heavy oak doors of the Justice building, Peeta walks into the main room. Startled he stops when he finds himself in a room full of his friends and neighbors. They were all on their feet facing away from him, paying close attention to the man standing at the foot of the stairs, in the far side of the room. Peeta tries to see above the crowd but sighs when he finds it impossible. Something was beginning to bother him, what was going on? why were they all here?

Standing unnoticed in the back of the room, he stiffens when Doctor Aurelious’s voice reaches him. “Remember, Peeta, is an extremely unpredictable patient. He could turn violent at a moment’s notice.”

Violent at a moment's notice? He hadn't being a danger to anyone but himself for a very long time.

“That’s some big bullshit you are spewing there doctor.” The rough voice of Greasy Say reaches Peeta’s ears. “We have never seen him be nothing but kind and gentle. That boy would rather hurt himself than hurt a fly!” Agreeing nods and murmurs coming from the crowd make Peeta smile a little.

“Peeta?”Katniss whispers as her hand comes into contact with his.

He turns and smiles at her. The power this woman had over him to make him feel at ease was incredible. His eyes roam her face and he allows her to pull him away. Whatever was going on here he could deal with later. He had her, that was all that mattered.

“I have already made the decision, he is going to the Capitol and that is final. None of you have any say in the matter.” Peeta freezes and turns at these words. He had never gotten the feeling that Doctor Aurelious truly understood him. He feared he didn’t have his best interest at heart.

“But the girl?” Greasy Sae asks

“The girl? Agrees with me, she has decided to let him go, maybe it’s time you all did the same. Truthfully, I thank you all for following my instructions on how to handle Mr. Mellark. But now the next step is to take him away from here and place him under constant supervision in the Capitol. Katniss understands what’s best for him, and that is to let him go.”

Peeta turns to look at Katniss, does she know he hates the capitol? Of course she does, but then again he doesn’t know how badly hurt he was, maybe it was the only way to help him.

“Doctor...” Peeta hears Thom raise his voice. “Will you tell Peeta who he is when he wakes up? Or will you still ask us to keep it to ourselves?”

“I think it’s in the best interest of my patient for him not to know who he is at the moment, like I told you before, Mr. Mellark is in a weakened mental state. He might not be able to handle the memories. Katniss, Haymitch and Effie agreed with me before and I’m sure they do so now as well.”

Weakened, unstable, incapable? He lets go of Katniss’s hand and turns to look at her. Did she agree with this assessment of his personality? She must have if she chose to keep him in the dark. Why wouldn’t she? She and Haymitch had done it before hadn’t they? Do they all think he was a monster? A mutt? Incapable of dealing with people?  A danger to himself and others? Was he alone in thinking he could regain a semblance of normalcy in his life?

A voice begins to whisper in the back of his mind, _they don't trust you, you are a mutt! a monster!_  Could he trust himself to be around them? Could he trust himself to keep the mutt in check? Shaking his head he refuses to discard what it took to get him to this moment. Yes he forgot who he was for a very long time, maybe that helped to tame the rage and fear the capitol infected him with, but even before then, he had worked hard to control the thing he had become.

No matter what anyone thought, he had made it far. He was getting better, and now with his memories back he knew what he was fighting against. They can't take that away from him.  He refuses to let them dismiss the progress he had made.

“I’m sorry doctor...” Thom's voice interrupts his thoughts “but I didn’t think it right to keep him from knowing at least some of his past. I’ve been sharing what I know with him.”

“Mayor you didn’t follow my instructions?”

“No, I did not. And he handled it well, I think it’s time he knows everything. Peeta is stronger that you seem to think doctor. He is stronger than all of us.”

“I’m sorry Mayor but my decision is final. I will treat my patient the best way I see fit. If Peeta Mellark awakes, and if he decides to return, you will follow my instructions to the letter. I was given complete authority in this matter by the Capitol and the Capitol’s will, will not be questioned!”

At that statement the voices around him raise in anger, Effie’s voice rises above the rest. “Quiet Please! Quiet!”The voices immediately quiet down

“My Dear Dr. Aurelious” she begins “I would be most careful with the words I say if I were you. If I may remind you the “Will” of the Capitol was already questioned and the Capitol lost. Such way of thinking belongs in the old Panem not the new.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any offense. Let me restate this, my patient Mr. Mellark is very sick. We have never come across a case such as his. Of the many hijacked victims in the old Panem, Mr. Mellark is the only one to have survived, and we don’t know why. So in such we must proceed with caution in the best interest of his life. Tomorrow the hospital train will be here at dawn to collect him and transport him to the capitol.  He is weak and incapable of making any decisions on his behalf, so I must take it upon myself to seek any treatment that would be beneficial to him. I will make sure he gets the best care.”

Peeta coulnd’t hear any of this anymore. “Weak and incapable?”

His voice draws a gasp from the crowd who part in the middle to allow him direct access to his doctor. “Is that how you always saw me Doctor? As weak and incapable?"

“Mr. Mellark! ” the doctor exclaims taking a step down

Peeta raises his hands to stop him. He didn’t want this man near him. “Did you ever believe I could be strong enough to get better? Did you ever have any faith in me doctor?”

The doctor stops “Of course I did Peeta. I have always had the utmost trust in your capabilities. Now, why don’t we walk back to the infirmary?”

“No! You see Doctor I always had my doubts about you,” Peeta tells him trying to keep calm. He didn’t want the doctor to declare him violent and dangerous now did he? “You just loved the sound of your own voice. You never listened to me... to what I was trying to tell you.”

Peeta turns to look at Haymitch and Katniss. “None of you ever did.”

“Peeta…” Peeta could hear the pain in Katniss’s voice.

He turns to look at her “I asked you once Katniss not to keep anything from me. But no, Poor weak incapable Peeta, can’t handle the truth of his life. Can’t handle anything on his own. He needs to be protected at all costs, doesn’t he Katniss? He is too fragile to care for himself.”

“No! Peeta that’s not why!” A tear slips down her cheek.

Peeta berates himself, even now feeling betrayed, he has the urge to run to her and comfort her. Fighting the need to protect her, he turns to Haymitch. “You have kept so much from me, thinking me a fool in love, incapable of taking care of myself and her. You put us in danger, when you didn’t tell us your plan for escape during the quarter quell.”

“I couldn’t tell you.” The old man whispers

“If you would have maybe I could have protected her better. Maybe I could have protected myself as well. But no! you didn't trust us to keep your secret. Even if that secret involved us!"

“You told me you wanted to die for her. What if what I had planned didn’t work? What then?”

“We could have found a way to make it work together! We did in the first games, didn't we? All three of us?"

“Peeta? Honey?"Effie calls him from somewhere behind him.

Peeta turns his eyes watering at the woman he had thought was the closest to a mother he had. She saw him at his weakest. She was there day and night as he searched for memories he couldn't find and she stayed silent. Knowing she held the key to everything he was begging for, she still kept it from him.

“Effie” He whispers, his voice cracking.

“I’m so sorry –“

“Please.” Peeta raises his hand to stop her, he couldn’t break. They all kept him from finding peace.

“It’s so nice to know that all my friends and my family.” He says modulating his voice in the way the old Effie taught him. “Lied to me every single day.”

Peeta begins walking into the room, his eyes scanning all those present."Look at all of you here...I guess I should feel grateful that so many of you came to discuss how to handle my life.”

“Now, Peeta.” Dr. Aurelius interrupts him. “There’s no need to be so confrontational. Everyone is here because they care about you.”

“Tell me, Thom.” Peeta stops in front of his best friend, his brother. “Did you call a meeting about me as soon as I got here?”

“Come on Peeta, let’s discuss this somewhere else.” Thom tells him.

“Why should I? When it seems you all discuss me freely behind my back. Tell me Thom, how many meetings have you had? Two, three?” At this Peeta watches Thom uncomfortably lower his eyes.

“Ah three, that’s a nice number.” His eyes travel to the woman standing next to Thom. The friend who welcomed him into her home, the friend who he, in turn, welcomed into his. “What about district ten Hannah? Did you and your father have to attend a meeting as well?”

Hannah nods. Peeta feels his blood begin to boil. It seems no one trusted him enough, that they had to warn everyone in advance on how to deal with him. Turning away from his friends his eyes look back at her, Katniss. The woman that even in his “weakened mental state” he had traveled far to find. He had always been a fool for her.

Turning away from her he addresses his doctor again. “Did the whole of Panem receive an instructional manual on how to handle Peeta Mellark, if you come in contact with him? ” He asks his doctor.

“No Peeta, it was only district 10 and 12.”

“Ah thank you, at least, for only humiliating me in two districts out of 13 doctor. I wonder, though, what took place in all these meetings?” He asks walking deeper into the room, coming to rest in front of his doctor.

Peeta shakes his head when he sees the man recoil away from him. It seemed he made his doctor nervous. After all, he could turn violent at any time, right? "Let me guess here...don't tell Peeta the truth, he can’t handle it. Don’t make Peeta angry, he could turn violent. Don’t push Peeta too much he is too weak. Poor pathetic Peeta, he is too unpredictable to be trusted."

"Well I beg to differ from all of you.” He turns to look at all those he considered his friends. “I haven't had a single violent outburst since before the war was over. Do you know how hard I fought to bring the mutt the capitol turned me into to heel? No? well... it was draining directing all that hatred toward myself instead of those around me. I fought him for a very long time."

His eyes travel throughout the room, feeling betrayed by all of them. 

"I refuse to think of myself as weak. I think I am far from it. I survived a messed up childhood. I lived through the games, losing a leg but keeping who I was intact. I count that as strength! I go into the games again, where I fucking died electrocuted! but I came back! Did all of you forget about that? If I remember correctly I stood up and continued to march through that jungle even though every nerve of my body screamed in pain!” Peeta looks back at his mentor “I get captured and fucking tortured! Do you want to know what I went through there? Should I tell you how they beat me, cut me, burned me and drowned me asking me questions I didn’t have the answers to? How they made me watch them do it to others over and over every time I said I didn’t know?” Peeta sees Hannah turn into Thom’s arms. “I died on the table the first time they injected me with trackerjacker venom. I prayed for death every time they brought me back.”

Peeta turns away from all of them. What does it matter what they think? Why should they know what he went through? He takes a deep breath, before meeting the gray eyes that have haunted him all his life. They need to know, because he survived it all, he was still here holding on to himself and regardless of what they believed he was proud of how far he had come.

“Over and over I have lost myself, but I have clawed my way back. Because I didn’t want them to win. They wanted to turn me into a monster and they did there for a while, but I refused to let them succeed. That! let me tell you, took strength and determination. I’m sorry you don’t think I am strong enough or capable enough to handle the truth about myself. But what any of you think really doesn't matter. I am strong enough."Peeta pauses taking a deep breath before looking at all of them for one last time. "At least, now I know what you all think of me. But most importantly I know what I think of myself, and that is all that truly matters now.”

Peeta turns to Dr. Aurelious “I will leave with you tomorrow morning in that train, but once we get to the Capitol you will assign me another doctor. I refuse to be treated by you.”

Storming away from the man Peeta begins to walk to the back of the room. He needed to leave. This place wasn’t home anymore. He wanted out. Walking past Haymitch, Effie …and her, Peeta pushes through the doors hoping they slammed shut behind him. Running down the stairs, he feels himself being pulled to a stop. He knows she is behind him, her soft hand on his shoulder. He can’t turn back. He can’t look at her. He will lose himself if he did.

“Peeta, Please.” She begs

He gathers his strength and looks at her. Haymitch and Effie standing behind her at the top of the stairs.

"No! Katniss.”

“Let me explain please.”she implores him.

“No, I trusted you. I trusted you with my life. We looked out for each other, we protected each other remember!”

“I haven’t stopped.”she whispers

“You lied to me, Katniss! You once again kept things from me. You—“ Peeta closes his eyes and breathes deeply he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to do this. Gathering his thoughts, he opens his eyes to look at the woman who has consumed his every moment. He loved her. He probably always will…but did he trust her? Right now, at this moment, he didn’t know. Her hand reaches out for his, keeping him in place, tethered to her. 

“Peeta…”

“Let me go” he tells her.

“I can’t…”

Full circle…his life has come full circle. Disengaging his hand from hers, he takes a step back looking up at his mentor and Effie, who by that time had come to stand behind Katniss

“Take care of her.” he tells them before walking away, leaving them all behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost to the finish line!!! I could almost taste the victory! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait. I am so glad to be back. Sharing my love of Everlark with all of you makes me happy. The end is near my friends. Maybe one chapter more to go.

_He laid on his side, facing away from the window. In the darkness he could barely make out the shape of his duffel bag on the floor. He couldn't sleep. In four hours he was due to board the hospital train, taking him back to the Capitol, back to where this nightmare began._

_He had to be on that train, no matter how much his heart told him to stay he couldn't, he had to get away. Still, his heart ached for them all, his friends, Haymitch, Effie, the life he had built here in twelve. But most of all his heart ached for her. The girl who has consumed his mind for most of his life. The girl he was leaving behind..._ _Katniss._

_He knew she had slipped in through the window, a moment ago. Should he reach for her? Should he comfort her? He knew she was hurting, but his mind replayed the words "They Don't trust you" over and over again._

_Feeling her move away from the window, his eyes automatically close and he concentrates on controlling his breathing. His mind registers everything that is her, her earthy scent, the warmth radiating from her body, the soft sigh escaping from her lips. She comes to a stop next to him. The whisper of her touch caressing his cheek makes him shiver, before he feels her turn and begin to walk away._

_“Don't go” His voice breaks the silence in the room. He turns to see her shadow hovering by the window. Opening the covers on her side of the bed he makes room for her. He watches her pull her boots off and remove her jacket._

_“Peeta?” she whispers_

_“No, don’t say anything. Just stay.”_

_Quietly she makes her way into his bed. Calling himself a fool, he lays back down on the pillow, sharing the space, once more, with her. Trying to burn her image into his mind he caresses her eyes, her nose, her soft lips. He loved her. It was as simple as that. But, he had to leave._

*******

Peeta sits upright as he forces himself to wake up. He could not relive his last night in district 12 again. That same memory has haunted him since stepping back in the Capitol. For two months he has been confined to a single room in the hospital's psychiatric wing. He was getting tired of it, he was desperate to leave.

Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed Peeta runs his fingers through his hair, willing the memory away. He missed her, but he couldn't go back, not to what he had left behind. Getting to his feet he walks to the window.

The early morning sun, peaking over the buildings, makes him wish he was back where the sun rose every morning behind the mountains in the distance. He missed the scent of the forest coming in through his window, fresh, pure and clean.

Here in the Capitol the air was thick and heavy, full of memories of death and pain. He needed to find somewhere to go. He wouldn't last much longer in this stifling city.

The knock on the door brings him out of his thoughts. He turns when his nurse comes in."Good morning, Peeta."

"Good morning," he whispers sitting down on the chair by the window, so she could complete her morning routine as quickly as possible.

He waits as she takes his temperature, his blood pressure and all those things his doctor wants to know. Honestly, he couldn't care less what they did to him, as long as it brought him closer to be released.

The nurse smiles at him when she is finished, reaching into her pocket, Peeta stares as she hands him a white envelope. "You received another one today."

Nodding Peeta gets up and opens the drawer in his night table and drops it inside to join the other unread letters. Someday he might open them, but he couldn't do that today, not until he knew how to move on. With a quiet sigh his nurse wishes him a good morning and reminds him he has an appointment today. Peeta thanks her and watches her close the door behind her.

For too long he has been a prisoner in this city, first of Snow and now of his mental and physical condition. Living under the constant rule of doctors and nurses he feels his life slipping away.  He needed to get out of here. He needed trees, mountains, a fresh stream cutting through a field of flowers. He felt the call of district 12 again, strong, unrelenting. But he didn't know if he could ever go back, or if there was anything to go back to. His life was once again in ruins, and he didn't know if he could rebuild again.

Turning he walks to the small desk in the corner. From the top drawer, he withdraws the papers he has read over and over for two weeks. There was one thing he was sure he wanted to do, but the thought of her, of what she might think kept him from signing the document.

Taking a deep breath he reaches for a pen, and pushing all doubts in his mind away. He scrolls his signature at the bottom of the page. It was done. If he had any hope of figuring out who he was, and what was best for him, this was one thing he needed to leave behind. Without this there was no hope of letting go of the past, and finally moving on.

**********

_The sound of the whistle announcing the train’s departure jolts Katniss awake. Realizing that the bed was empty, she sits upright desperately searching the room for him. His bags were gone. Leaving the bed she leans out of the window catching a small glimpse of the train slowly leaving in the distance. Bringing her hand up to catch the sob escaping her, she turns and runs out of the door._

_Maybe he was downstairs making breakfast for her, like he did every time she stayed over. Running down the stairs she stops when she notices the cold kitchen stove in the corner, the neat counter tops, the empty room. Refusing to believe he was gone, she begins searching the house for him. Running from room to room calling his name, willing him to appear._

_The last door she opens reveals Hannah’s empty room. Suddenly the cold morning air seeps into her bones, he was gone... Not bothering to stop the tears falling down her face, Katniss makes her way back to his room. Closing the door behind her, she crawls on top of his bed as she wraps herself in his smell. Sobbing into his pillow she comes to the realization that she has lost him. Once again she has lost him._

**********

Katniss forces her eyes open, angry at herself she tries to push the memory away. Throwing the covers off she leaves the bed and walks to the window. Taking a deep breath, she lets the pure, clean air of district twelve work its magic on her heavy mind. She refuses to let thoughts of him consume her again.

Turning she makes her way into the bathroom and splashes some cold water on her face. Quickly brushing her teeth, she walks back into the room braiding her hair as she walks. Stopping in front of the dresser she glances into the mirror above it. It was strange how her scars seemed so insignificant in the daylight but how they seemed to loom over her at night.

Dismissing the thought, Katniss takes Peeta's shirt off and, carefully folding it, places it in the first drawer. She doesn't wear it very often, she only needs it when the nightmares are at their worst. She figures the less she uses it the longer his scent will linger.

The sound of a door closing, draws her eyes to the window. Quickly grabbing a shirt from her dresser drawer, she buttons it up before slipping on a pair of old pants. She hears the sound of unfamiliar voices coming from the direction of the main road.  Frowning she decides to take a look. Making her way down the stairs, she stops when it dawns on her the sounds were coming from across the street...from his house!

Her steps begin to quicken, matching her beating heart. He was back! Peeta was back!

Rushing down the hall, pausing by the backdoor, she slips into her old worn out boots. Running a quick hand through her hair she re braids it before taking a deep breath and stepping outside.

Running down the backstairs, Katniss rushes around the corner of her house, only to come to a full stop when she reaches her front yard. Strange men and women were coming out of Peeta's house. Some of them dusting or sweeping, while others carried things out into a waiting hand cart, parked outside of Peeta's home. What were they doing? Those were Peeta's things!

Slowly walking closer, she sees a man laugh before tripping and dropping something on the floor. Katniss watches him pick up Peeta's precious paint brushes off the sidewalk and carelessly throw them in the cart.

Horrified Katniss runs to him. "Stop!" she yells looking inside the wagon. She notices Peeta's painting supplies all strewn over the cart floor, his artwork thrown haphazardly in.

"How dare you treat his things this way!" Katniss pushes the man back against the side of the cart, placing her fingers on the pressure points on his neck.

"I'm sorry!" the man whispers, trying to slip away.

"Don't you dare move." she threatens "I haven't forgotten the skills they taught me before the games, or during the war. if you don't want a first hand demonstration you will answer every single one of my questions."

Noticing others have come out of the house and were standing still around her, she takes stalk of the situation. Making a quick decision to go on the offensive, she looks menacingly at those invading Peeta's house and yells "That goes for everyone of you, nobody moves!"

Looking back at the man in front of her, she almost smiles when the light of recognition dawns in his eyes. "You are... you are.."

"Yes I am, now tell me, what are you all doing in Peeta's house?"

"Peeta? Peeta Mellark?" The man whispers again.

"Yes, why are you taking his things?"

A gentle voice coming from the woman standing by Peeta's front door draws her attention. "We are sorry, but we didn't know. We arrived here today from district 6. The new resettlement program assigned us this house last week. We didn't know someone lived here. We will leave, just let my husband go please."

It is then that the sound of children's laughter rings out of the window. Slowly letting the man go, Katniss backs away as two little girls, no older than 8 or 10 run out of the house. "Mama! Mama! Can we have the last room on the right, please! It looks out into the backyard and it's so pretty."

"What? What is going on? I don't understand." Peeta? Where was Peeta?

"Katniss?" Effie's voice breaks through the fog threatening to engulf her mind. Turning to her Katniss sees her running up the path leading from town. "I'm sorry honey, I thought I would get here before you noticed what was going on."

"Effie? What's happening? They were throwing Peeeta's things away...they say the Capitol gave them this house? Where's Peeta? Did something happen to Peeta? Effie, tell me please?" Katniss begs, the blood pounding in her ears, her hands beginning to shake. Moving away from them, she tries to regain her breathing, attempting to gather some control over her emotions, but the thought of something bad happening to him was unbearable. Oh God he was dead! He had to be, Peeta was dead!

"Katniss! Look at me! Breathe honey. Peeta is fine, he is alive. "

Nodding Katniss works on steadying her breathing. "Then why?"

"Come with me we will talk in Haymitch's house." Allowing Effie to lead her away, Katniss hears her ask the men to please take care of Peeta's things, and to drop them off at Haymitch's house.

"No! My house! Put them in the back room." She tells them pointing toward her house.

Opening the door into Haymitch's house, Effie carefully guides her to the kitchen table. From her seat, Katniss watches Effie nervously pat her hair in place, before retrieving a letter from the kitchen drawer by the back door.

"I found this letter last night, stuck among some papers in my office in town. I don't know how long its been there, but it's from the Ministry of Resettlement in the Capitol."

Effie hands her the letter. Katniss breathes before setting her eyes on the words typed on the paper before her. Zeroing in on the sentence at the bottom of the page, Katniss knows that whatever hope she held for Peeta's return died in that moment.

_Please be advised that the new family will be arriving shortly, to take possession of the victor's house belonging to Mr. Peeta Mellark. As stipulated by his wishes, he relinquishes all ownership of the house and everything in it to the Jones Family._

His wishes? He wanted this? Katniss drops the letter on the table. He was gone, lost to her forever.

"He signed his house away two weeks ago, that's all I was told by the Ministry. I'm sorry honey, I tried to get in touch with him at the hospital, but he was released three days ago and no one could give me any indication of where he had gone."

"He is not coming back." she whispers pushing her chair back and making a run for the door.

"Katniss! please honey I will find out what's going on." Effie's voice is drowned out by the sound of Katniss's world crashing around her. The finality of Peeta's actions couldn't have made his wishes more clear. Peeta was giving up on her. He wanted nothing to do with any of them.

Katniss runs out into Haymitch's back yard. Passing the strangers leaving her house, she throws her back door open, and runs up her stairs. Katniss feels the despair of losing him, slowly giving into anger. Embracing the new feeling, Katniss fans it to life. She was done feeling this way! If he didn't want anything to do with her, well neither did she!

So, he was never coming back. Fine!

Running into her room she begins throwing clothes in a bag. She didn't need him. She didn't need any of them! She has survived on her own before, she could do it again. There was nothing to hold her here anymore. She was done!

Bag in hand she runs down the stairs, stopping in the kitchen to grab some supplies. He signed his house away? Fine! He was angry at her for lying to him? Fine! He didn't' want to give her the chance to explain? Fine! She didn't need him or anything to do with him!

Forget the stipulations of her release, they could come out and find her if they wanted her. She was done wasting away, living half a life. He doesn't want her? Fine! Stuffing buttercup in another bag Katniss slings him across her shoulder, ignoring his protesting meows. Grabbing her weapon Katniss slams the door behind her. Closing the door on the capitol, on the town, on him. She doesn't need any of them to survive. She was fine on her own!


End file.
